My CHEATING, DISRESPECTFUL husband won't leave me alone.....but shift the blame on me as being the crazy ex?

Question

currently separated, and really fell out over the weekend. I ended up in jail, he ended up pulling a gun out on me and started shooting. The worst part of all is, all this happened IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS. I feel HORRIBLE. Anyway, that was a wake up call for me to make some moves. I filed for my child support, changed my phone number, closed out my email account, and will only deal with him thru the court. Well he called my mom last night, NEVER in 10 yrs and wants her to be the middle man for the exhange of the kids. Then asked if she would call him and explain to her why I lied...I LIED on the police report....Folks, I WENT TO JAIL...AWAY FROM MY BABIES, and he is asking why did I lie........I told her to delete the message, DON'T CALL HIM BACK, this is between me and him. And at this point, the courts will take over. Why is he still making attempts to ruin my life. Any other time he gives less than a dayum about his kids, but when we are on bad terms, he wants to see them everyday. I'm not falling for it anymore. He is telling everybody, even the cops, I'm this psycho woman that stalks him and won't leave him alone. I live 45 min away from him and he...HE stays over my house lies to me, telling me he wants this to work, he's sorry and like a dummy I would give in and believe it. I am soo done, but why won't he HE just LEAVE ME ALONE???

Answer 1

Your obviously a very good woman sexually and very enticing to him, but he wants his cake and eat it too...sorry charlie that can not be done and you want to be left alone, but he knows what your packing and now he really is feeling the pinch to know that his behavior has only made thing's worse and he's gonna lose you permanently.

Another Man will come across your path and he will be much better than your husband and love you and your children and you will get a brand new start, but first flush your sorry husband out of your life, but he will always be part of his children's life since he is the father and that is nothing you can actually do anything about unless the courts feel that he is a danger to them then he will get no visitation rights. Pulling a gun is not a game..it's life were talking here. He sounds like an idiot.

Answer 2

The reason he only cares about the kids when you are on bad terms is because they are still a connection to you, and he knows they're probably the only connection he will ever have, so he's going to exploit it..

Answer 3

I really think your children are better off away from you and your ex, I am sorry, but truth be told, you both need help.

Your children are better off with someone other than you and your ex.

While BOTH you and your ex get help, please, for the sake of your children have them stay at a relatives house.

What were you thinking when you allowed all of this to "go down" in your house????

You were not thinking at all!!!

Next time think.

You think you are having all of the problems, just stop this vicious circle and stop, stop and think about the mental condition your children have right now, take them out, of this nasty environment, and do not get them back until you and your ex get your sh** back together.

It is so sad that you are letting your children see your and your ex's violent tendencies.

Just wait until your children get older, when they are having a hard time in life, you know where and who they got it from, please, for the sake of the children get help.

In matters of the heart, the children always suffer, why are you doing this to them????

Only you know the answer, and if you really loved them, get them away from you and your ex, and get EVERYONE involved help!!!!!

Answer 4

I don't understand If he pulled out a gun on you and started shooting!!  Why the h**l did you end up in jail?

Answer 5

Call Mr. Springer

Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

Seriously you both need to grow up and stop acting like dumbasses.  You are going to get you kids taken away if you keep this c**p up.  

Answer 6

Time to move and not leave a forwarding address. Before someone gets hurt worse. You are having a bad effect on the kids. Take them away from the horror story.

Answer 7

I think you need some real legal help here.

Answer 8

He doesn't leave you alone because he believes his own bullshit. He's a pleaser doesn't want any one to see the real him or think badly of him but its ok for him to destroy your life with no shame or conscience, the bloke is poisonous and dangerous, get a restraining order against him and if he comes near you call the police,mind you keep to your part of the bargain and don't encourage him in any way, move on being single has to be better than his harm full betrayals.

Answer 9

If you haven't, you need to get yourself an attorney PRONTO. Until you take legal action against him, he will never leave you alone. If you have done that, then here are some other things to consider:

1. He is trying to ruin your life for two reasons. One is revenge for leaving him. He's obviously a controlling, immature coward. The second reason is that the worse he makes you look, the better his chances of getting a good settlement out of the divorce. He may even try to get the kids from you, so be cautious!

2. If you haven't already, you need to get your life straightened out right away. Get your bills in order. Keep your house neat and clean. Make sure you are providing your children with professional support.

3. You need to report all of this to the cops yourself and get a restraining order against him. He shouldn't be hanging around. If he does, report HIM for stalking.

4. Keep careful documentation of everything he does. Keep a journal! Every single time he does ANYTHING unusual or evil, write it down, complete with time and date and location. Also, keep all receipts and documents that prove that YOU take care of the children. And start gathering together as many witnesses as you can- witnesses to your good character, witnesses to his lies, witnesses to how YOU take care of the children. Start now, and have them write you support letters for the times that they cannot actually be there.

5. For God's sake, don't tell him ANYTHING that he can use against you in court. My sister kept trying to be "friendly" with her future ex and his family during their divorce. Everything she said to them came back to bite her in court.

6. Get in to see a counselor yourself, tell your story, and have her and your family doctor provide you with documentation attesting to your sanity and good mental health. That will cancel out his "crazy woman" stories.

It's war, honey. He's not going down without a fight. Time to hire your mercenary, set up camp, and fight it out. I wish you the best of luck! It is really hard, I know, but you can make it through it if you utilize your friends and family, have some patience, and fight a smart fight.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Confused, I'm not there to know the whole story, but it takes two to tango.  I'm sure you have some involvement here to as well.  All you want to do is shift all the blame on your ex fella but you got some accountability here as well.

I'm sure the court will work out what is best for the kids.  JUst make sure you do your part.  Also, you talk and not do what you are saying so he thinks it is all right to do it to you.  You both need to get some counseling for yourselves.  That kind of behavior is not good for the kids to see.  It only promotes violence in their minds.  

Answer 11

The fact that he has pulled a gun on you shows you how dangerous he is. I guarantee he will get a lot worse now that you are splitting up, so I'd suggest getting a restraining order asap. If you think he'll break the RO, be prepared to leave for a while and go to a Women's Shelter or some place where he won't guess you are.

Here is a website where you'll be able to get a lot of advice and info.. There are forums that you can join too, and loads of links to information about how to deal with men like him.

http://groups.msn.com/PSYCHOPATH

Good luck.

Answer 12

Any man who pulls a gun on his kids mother, and in front of them, is mentally/pathologically ill.  That's your answer.  

Thing is, with men like that, they don't break up the normal way.  I'm guessing you had a lot of warnings over the years that this guy doesn't play in the same ball park as a healthy man, but you've chosen to ignore them, or gloss over them, or re-write them according to your own wishful thinking.  That's understandable, to a degree, but now you have a serious issue on your hands.  Of course he's going to make out that you are a psycho, because he's a clever, manipulative person.  And, if you react like a crazy woman (screaming and cursing in front of the cops, etc., because of what's happened) then the cops are going to buy into his version.  You have to remain calm and logical! The smarter cops who know how to read a manipulator will see through it eventually, as his story won't tie up.  For now, though, I think you seriously need to consider moving from your area and making sure that this man has no access to you at all.  I would even make sure that he has no access to your children - because he has acted in a dangerous way in front of them and is obviously unstable.  Of course he wants your mother as an intermediary, so that he still has a hook in you. Now, go get yourself a good lawyer.

Answer 13

do not delete your moms messages - show them to the police - notify him that you are filing for a restraining order - and follow through with it.  make you u document EVERYTHING he says and does in your presence - and make sure that the contact is through email or some other way to document it all.

I totally agree with "Mr. Taco"

Answer 14

I'm sorry you  have to go through this. It looks like you are making all the moves to a positive outcome. Changing your number..etc.etc. If you are serious about this plan.. everything should work itself out. He obviously has issues.. but the more you take him back and listen to his c**p.. you are no better. So- I hope for you and the kids sake you are serious about what you are saying you will do. This can have a tremendous negative affect on the kids.. if this continues on. I'm sure you have your and their best interest. Good Luck.. and stay focused.