My Dad and I don't get on one bit - what should I do?

Question

My Dad smokes frequently and goes to the pub on a local basis - but doesn't get drunk. He always stomps and shouts, swears and is pessimistic. He is not the usual Father figure you would think of. I am 15 and have three older brothers who share the same view but can ignore it as they are away at uni etc. I go to boarding school but in the holidays we never even have a proper conversation. I get worried in front of my friends that he is going to shout or do something.

I don't want to carry on living like this with my Father, he is nice when he wants to be but during the day its horrible. We are not very close so I wouldn't sit down and talk to him about it. Anny suggestions please?

Answer 1

does  ur  dad , by any means have depression, do u know of.

if  so , that  is his problem , that  can cause  people to be that  

way,

has  ur  dad , got  any other  health problems, if so , it  could  be  all

down to his meds,  and  certain side affects,

not  being  nosey, but are ur parents  still together,

that  can  also be the  problem,  that  will cause him ,

to be depressed,

and it  does make  people,   drink , iam  affraid,

the reason  they  do it , is to blot the problem  out,

but, it  stil remains,

it  may blot  it out for a  couple  of  hours , for  him,

but  that's  all.

does  he  drink an awful lot,  

that is his  way , of  dealing  with it,

how  long  has  he  been like  that  for,

since  the problem started , or b4 that,

i  know , how hard  it is  for you, and  i understand ,

how  u must  feel  about it all .

go  & see ur dr and explain to him , what is going on ,

and  see ,what  he  can  suggest,

there is  only  one problem, once they start drinking,

they have trouble  stopping,

and  they  scream , shout , and  get  it all off there  chests,

but  no  matter  what  he  says ,

just  think 1 thing,

he does  not know , what  he is saying/ mean it,

in anyway ,

you always  hurt  the people u love  most ,

it is his  way , of dealing  with his  frustrations ,

leopards  never  change    there  spots  i' m  affraid.

still go and see ur dr,

ok!

good   luck,

      ,

  

Answer 2

What do you want us to say?

You are too young to move out, you are away at boarding school most of the time (which I'm guessing he's paying for).

So its just the holidays you have to get along qwith him, get used to it.

In life you dont always like or get along with everyone, its a lesson on your part in tolerance.

Not many 15 year olds like their parents, its his home I guess he can do as he likes in it, he's the adult after all, keeping you.

How do you get on with your mother?

If it really bothers you, have a quiet, tactful chat with her.

Answer 3

okay. well.

my sister has a similar problem with my dad.

she got pregnant, and he pretty much.. avoids her and her child.

but she doesn't want to really.. confront him or tell him how she feels.

my mom suggested writing a letter to him, and sticking it in his lunchbox so he would read it while he's at work.

so. i guess if you don't want to talk to him in person.. you could always do that.

hope things work out between you two. :)

Answer 4

Move out!  Ask a friend to help you get somewhere to live or share with a friend.

You are a different age than yr father so u won't be so compatible.

It is not good for your health to stay by yr father because of his lifestyle.  Find a cheap room to start, how about with a non smoking family?

Whoops didn't realise yr only 15!  Still, I left at 15-

Can you get part time work so you are always out?  Save up, go out more with yr friends who don't smoke-  get smoking leaflets from NHS & post them through yr letter box as if some1 else delivered them.  YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO breathe fresh oxygen & you could tell him you are very worried abt his health, be nice  & tell him yr worried smoking may kill him.  Get him to join a group of people that are giving it up.  Leave subtle hints-EVERYWHERE.  contact yr GP & ask for counselling on how to deal with a scary, grumpy man.

Answer 5

Refuse to take his money.Get a job and pay for your boarding school.Problem solved!!

Answer 6

you have to try talk to him if you get nowt from him then is he worth bothering with and its only the hols you have to put up with him  

Answer 7

I knw where ur coming from,

Me and my mum dont get along at all, we are always arugining and fighting, over the smallest things half the time, and yes it can be really annoying.

When i was younger, i use to spend everynight crying over it , saying i dont deserve this life.

But nw iam 19, and i have gotten over it these days, we harldy talk to each other, and trust me its better of this way, lol

THe best thing to do is just be strong, and I knw with time u will pull through it,

Answer 8

The 'father figure' you are yalking about may be something you have perhaps seen in movies?

In reality there are very few families where the teenage children like their fathers..or get on get on with them. There isn't much you can do about your father, he is probably just doing his best - but his best is not good enough...be more forgiving of him. If you really want to get on better with him you could ask for some counselling. Perhaps he will agree to go with you. But it is hard to change someone;s behaviour at this age. So you may just have to be patient, not to get into conflicts with him , as you will soon leave the house and start your life ,go to uni etc.

Answer 9

you gonna have to be a little brave . tell him that you would like to talk to him .just tell him how you feel ' and let him take it from there . you never know ' he may be a teddy bear underneath .