My Dad has been so horrid to me and Mum, dont know what to do?

Question

I feel so angry. So I wasnt 100% happy before all this **** started spreading but since June, every morning when I wake up, I keep thinking, I want to die. We had a really nice house in the middle of nowhere, peace and quiet, and then out of the blue, straight after my final exam, my Dad said that he was going down to Edinburgh to do a degree, and he was selling the house. At the same time, my grandparents were very ill. My Nan has heart failure and my Grandad has vascular dementia. So my Mum and me had to move down into this horrid little cramped house in the village, whilst my Dad swanned off to Edinburgh, since he already had a flat there (from my sister when she was at uni). He has money in the bank, whereas Mum is really struggling financially, especially now my Grandad is having to go into a home because my Nans health is going down hill again. We have been unable to sell our old house so Mum has rented it out to these posh toffs who I hate. They rung just now (something to do with post) and I had a go at them; I thought, you twats, you with all your sodding money, whereas we are struggling cos of a £1200 mortgage each month. I am helping my Mum financially as well, but it's not enough. And my Dad is getting worse. When Mum had her council tax bill in his name and has tried to contact him, he has ignored her. He has a so called "lodger" staying with him, ironically a woman, and even had the nerve to send me a letter weeks ago and wind me up about his flat neighbours which were a Polish family, and yet he knew how much I dont get on with the Poles (for my own reasons). Why is he doing this to us? Everyone thinks, including our family, he's been a right b*****d. Please help.

Answer 1

It sounds like your dad is having a midlife crisis to me. Your mum should divorce him and take him for everything that he has got! Dont give up trying to sell the house that you are renting out to the toffs as your mum will be entitled to half of this. Most of all dont cope with this by yourself, confide in your friends and let them be a shoulder to cry on.  

Answer 2

It sounds like it is time for your mom to make some serious decisions.

She is the only one who can change the outcome of this situation.

She needs to do what is better for her while your dad has already been doing what will benefit him instead of the family as a whole.

I am unfamiliar with the laws there, but in the U.S., what belongs to the husband legally belongs to the wife while that are married.

thus, his bank account is hers.

If that is the case, she needs to go down to the bank and make a withdrawal.

If she is not on the account, she needs to make financial gains in other ways. Perhaps, she should sell the small house in the village, or if she rents it, move to a place she can afford.

She needs to get rid of the things that she can sell and open up her own account.

She can start putting together all of the money necessary to move on.

She can not live off of you, and your main priority should be school.

Give her some of the suggestions that I mentioned and start making some decisions for yourself.

Your dad has moved on & appears to be waiting for the right moment to leave the family.

Your mom and you need to be prepared.

Spend as much time as possible with the grandparents.

Best wishes

Answer 3

I can understand why you are angry with your Dad. it sounds as though he is being very selfish and is acting inconsiderately towards you and your mum. Have you spoken frankly to your Mum about the likelihood of him returning home? Even if their marriage is on the rocks he should have more consideration for you both and offer more support and help.

You are wrong to take your anger out on your tenants - if it was not for them and their money your financial situation would be a whole lot worse. Instead you should tackle the source of the problen and directly ask your dad if he can offer more financial support to you and your mum as you are struggling. If he declines and he actually does have the means you will have to make up your own mind about the future of your relationship with him.

Unfortunately parents are like any other humans and dont always behave well all the time. I cannot change him for you but can only advice you to work on the aspects of your life you can change and not destroy yourself over things you cant.