My Daughter?? Mature People Only! Seriously!?

Question

Yesterday my daughter, 12, called me into her room. She wanted me to look at a little reddish mark she had on her stomach about an inch or two away from her belly button.

(It was nothing but a mosquito bite...I think she got it while she was eating dinner outside on Monday...and yes, she was in her bikini top at the time...thats how it got by her belly button)

I'm always cautious when I'm around her room when she's in there, because there have been times where I have walked by and caught her changing and then I quickly get away before she notices I was there.

This time, she was in the middle of changing too. She had shorts on, but was not wearing any sort of top at all. She called me in there so she wasn't mad. I don't get why she was topless? If she forgot to show me, she could just get dressed & show me. Or at least put a bra on. She wasn't even trying to cover her b***s at all with her hands. I know I'm her mom, but is she careless about being seen around others like this?

Answer 1

I think she's just comfortable with her body.  You need to remind her that she may want to set a few boundaries, just for her own safety and well-being, such as being covered if she's going to have her door open.  Don't freak out about it or you may cause her to start having self esteem issues.  

Just explain to her that it's a matter of self respect and respect for one's own privacy, and remind her that she may be shocked or upset to see her father or some other member of the family (maybe even you) in a semi-nude state.  Don't make a big issue out of it, but establish boundaries.  

I'm not a big fan of clothes when nobody else is around. Maybe she just likes the feel of cool air against her skin.  I doubt it's sexual.

Answer 2

It's her bedroom, her home, and her family.  It sounds like she is just comfortable with her body in the safety of her own home.  Next time she leaves her door open, just politely say, "Hun, you need to keep your door closed."

Answer 3

idk i am 13 and i was just the oppisite....

Answer 4

I doubt she just goes around showing random people her boobies if that is what you are asking.  You are her mom! Maybe there was something going on with her b***s that she wanted you to see but was too embarassed to ask you about.  

You could maybe bring it up if you want.  "Sara, I was surprised you weren't wearing a bra when you called me into your room yesterday.  It is fine that I saw you topless because I'm your mom but I just want to make sure you know that is a part of your body you shouldn't really let other people see until you are older."

You don't want to send conflicting messages about doctors and other medical professionals so hopefully that will open up conversation enough that you can make it clear that there are exceptions.  But I doubt she is going around showing her bare chest to other people.

Answer 5

Your daughter is just not a shy person.  In all truth I was the same way growing up, and in some ways I still am.  Just talk with her about it, but don't over do it.  She needs to be happy with her body and she never needs to feel ashamed of how she looks.  Good luck.

Answer 6

It would seem that you and your daughter simply don't share the same level of modesty... which is not unusual, especially with pre-teens.  It sounds like you're just more uncomfortable with nudity than she is.

She may change her opinions as she gets older, and she may not.  Either way, I strongly doubt she's going around flashing random people on the street.  You're her mother.  She knows you've seen her naked... why should she get uptight about it?

Answer 7

your her mom, she should be comfortable around you. i dont think you have anything to worry about.

Answer 8

well this just means she feels comfortable around you. its not weird at all, and its not like shes going to show just anybody her b***s or anything, prolly just you.

Answer 9

I have friends that are comfy around their mom like that. I think all it means is she feels 100% comfortable around you and thats nothing to be ashamed of! If you feel uncomfy around her when she does this, then just talk to her! If she is comfy being around u naked, then I dont think talking to her about the situation will be a problem.

Answer 10

In my opinion, the fact that she was comfortable enough with her body  is a GOOD THING. She wanted you to look at something on her body, be happy that she isn't having body image problems.

If you feel that she needs to cover herself more, tell her in a manner that isn't going to give her body image problems. Tell her that it is perfectly okay to not have clothes on when YOU see her, but when other people are in the house she needs to make sure that if her door is open she is covered because she is growing into a young woman and it isn't proper for others to see her naked.

Don't make it a bad thing for her. You will regret it if you do.

Answer 11

I think you are taking this too seriously. You are her mom so she feels comfortable with you and you should appreciate it. When she gets older she will start to hide things from you, not just her b***s!, but serious stuff. Until I read the that you were her mom, I thought you were her dad!!

Have a talk with her about decency with others, but since she is already wearing bikinis, she may not care if others see her. When I was 12 I was embarrassed to wear a one piece, and we lived in Europe where my mom went topless at the beach.

Answer 12

You are both female..what's the big deal? Didn't you used to change her diapers?

You sound like you have some modesty issues yourself.

Answer 13

I think that its okay u have nothing to worry about. You probably more conservative than she is. That doesn't mean shes going to be like them girls on "Girls Gone Wild", she's just more comfortable than you. She probably changes clothes at the gym an front other girls and vice verse and she has become comfortable with it.

Answer 14

Then it Falls back to You , you evidently havnt taught her to be more respectful of herself and others ........

YOUR the Parent or at least is suppose to be............

Answer 15

I doubt she is like this around others. Probably feels comfortable with you because you're her mom and you've seen her naked before.

Answer 16

That is not a big deal at all. When I was reading this I was thinking this was a father and I did think it was wierd, but once you said her mother, then that's okay. You're her mom. She's comfortable with you. I mean it's not like she'd get naked in front of who ever she is comfortable with, but you're her mom. I'm comfortable around my mom like that. It's completely normal.

Answer 17

She probably just trusts you and is comfortable with her body.  Don't worry about this.  When she hits 14, there will be real stuff to worry about.

Answer 18

I am so confused and offended by this question on so many levels,  First why is her being semi nude in front of her Mom so horrible!  Should she be ashamed of her body?

That is the signal you are sending out you know.  Do not raise this girl that her body is a bad or sexual thing.  Second if it does offend you so much, say nothing, simply hand her a shirt.

Answer 19

ur her mom.  she probably thinks that since u gave her baths n changed her diapers, that u wouldnt care if u saw her b***s.

Answer 20

I think if you figured out a way to talk to her about closing the door when she was changing clothes that would help but try your best not to give her a complex about it. Other than that, it's weird that you feel uncomfortable about it, she's your daughter after all. Hmm...

Answer 21

I understand your concern - I remember all too well when I was 12, and it seems like yesterday that my 30 year old daughter was 12.  Right now, your daughter is pre-teen, naive and not fully aware of her changing body, especially around you her own mama.  That will certainly change once she is in the locker room after gym class and sees other girls who are more developed and less developed.  I didn't start to become self conscious and modest until about 13 - 14, my daughter did the same around the same age.

When your daughter gets into this stage, that's probably when you will notice a significant change in her modesty, along with closed doors, and being covered when anyone else is in the room.

Don't worry, your daughter is not careless, she still just a little girl -- and that's okay.

Answer 22

Is she fully develop yet. My daughters are concern about body image. In their growth and if they growing correctly.

GOD BLESS

Answer 23

I don't really see the problem here, you're both women and you're her mother. i think it's a positive thing that she isn't ashamed or shy about her body when she's around someone who obviously has unconditional love for her. If you have any worries, I suggest being open and talking to her about it in a non-judgmental manner.  I think you should be careful how you approach the situation.

Answer 24

Be thankful and grateful that your daughter is comfortable enough around you that she is not embarrassed to allow you to see her.  You can always make the comment to encourage her to make sure her door is closed or that she is fully clothed if others are present in the house.  My daughter is 22 and she always covers up!