My Ex wife wants to see her kids. she has not seen them in seven years. should I let her see them?

Question

My wife left me with the kids 7 years ago when my youngest was age 3 and the oldest was 7 yrs. old. She had been ordered to pay child support, but never has. My youngest is now age 11 and knows mom by voice only. What do you think?

Answer 1

It really depends.

First off, has she had any contact with them?  I'm assuming she has since your youngest knows her by voice.

Is there a reason she has not paid any child support?  Like does she actually have financial problems or is she simply not paying up like she has been ordered.

And if she has not seen her children by choice, why does she want to see them now?

You should make sure she beings to help you support your children, she helped create them too.  Why should she be able to see them if she does not do a thing to take care of them?  And why the sudden urge to see her children that she so easily left behind?

This is definately something you should talk over with her and your kids first.  Follow your gut on if you believe it is the right thing to do for your kids.

If she beings paying child support however, then it's probably a good idea to allow her to see them, just becuase that shows she actually cares in some form or shape...even if it is money

Answer 2

Sure...but hold your ground......send her pictures.

Answer 3

Yeah I think you should at least sometimes. Even though she's not paying child support it's important to your children's mental health to know their mother.

Answer 4

Supervised visitation!  Once you got that dead beat, turn her a** in for not paying child support.  Rationally, talk to your children first about how they would feel, get their input and if they're emotionally ready.  Good luck!

Answer 5

well, if i was you i would make her pay the child support then let her see the kids but not on her own! you have to be there! if you don't let her see the kids it could become legal because they are her kids but i would get her to pay child support first and if she doesn't then don't let her see her kids but if she takes it legal then go to a lawyer about her not paying!

Am i making sense lol

Answer 6

Of course she should see her children duh! Doesn't mean you can't still go after her for child support though.  Show her you did great raising the kids on your own thank you very much!  Good luck!

Answer 7

i would let her see them but only superbised visiting.

Answer 8

As a child of a single parent and a single parent myself here is my advice.  I did not know my father until I was 7 yr old.  He never paid childsupport up to that point and believe you me everyone knew.  Because my mom spent so much time bitching about it.  It did not make me upset with my dad it only showed me how to be bitter.  My moms bitterness never effected my dad.  It only effected my mom and my sister and I.  So let the idea of money owed go.  Your children will see her for the person she is, and if it took her 7 yrs to get her act together and she is no threat your children, Let them know there mother.  Trust your children, they know what you have done day after day to raise them as a single parent and your actions of showing forgivness will instill the right modeling, in any relationship.

Answer 9

say no until she starts paying some child support or maybe just supervised or for a short time

Answer 10

I believe that your asking the wrong person. Your children has no relationship with there mother, and thats sad. I really think that you ought to ask them and I would make sure that if they are allowed to see her that it is in a public place with supervision. You said that she was ordered to pay child support, but never has.  Is that because you have never taken her back to court. Or that she just doesn't work. You didn't state what caused the break up. Nor really those things don't matter.  What matters are those children only have 1 mother and 1 dad, and fortunately you have had to be bothe.  You should be commended. But I would really have my guard up because you certainly don't want those children to get hurt anymore than they already have.  Good Luck!

Answer 11

It is up to you and your children's decision. Ask them if they would want to see their mom.

After all, she is still their mom, no matter what.I guess she really missed them or something? All parents love their own children anyway.

Maybe with certain supervision when they meet up? :) Maybe they can have a quick meal? =p

All the best!  

Answer 12

Well my mom kept me and my brothers away from my dad and I we used to talk 2 him 2 but look my father died 4months ago and he never got to see us grown last time I saw him I was 10 now im 21 and it really messed me and my bros up when he died and we have somany questions and im depressed and I couldn't spend no time with him bcuz my mom kept us here I love my mom with all my heart but she did do it  

So...wut if ur childrens mom died tomorrow they are gonna say the same about u oh my dad kept me from seeing my mom and now she's gone and I don't kno wut she was like ......do u want that.... I don't think so

Let them see their mom when ever they want if u want some happy kids  

Answer 13

I would ask your children how they feel about the situation. Do they want to see her? A supervised visit might be a good idea if they want to see her.

Answer 14

Although I can understand your reluctance to allow her to see the children, in the long run, it could do more harm then good to not allow her to see them.  If you keep her from seeing them, later she could honestly say she tried but you would not let her.  Children are a lot smarter then we give them credit for.  They can tell when someone cares about them so bottom line...YES let  her see them but under a controlled environment. In short, it needs to be supervised.  

The child support is another issue which should be addressed but not with the children around.  She should pay all the back child support that is owed to show she does care about them.  If this were reversed, you would most likely be in jail now.  

Have you tried to get the authorities to enforce the child support?  As the director of Shattered Men I sure would like to know.

Children need BOTH parents