My Father is an Alcoholic.?

Question

For years now, my father has been drunk nearly every night. My family and I have confronted him dozens of times, trying everything from "Stop!" to "You should go to the doctor to get some help." Whenever we confront him, he tries to blame us even though we have never hurt him (plus, he always apologizes the next day, saying that we aren't to blame). I have always believed that he cannot control it, since it's a disease, but recently, our family went on a 1 week vacation and he stayed sober the whole time. Ever since we got back, he has been drunk after work. What should, or can, we do at this point?

Answer 1

Let him know you care enough about him to let him know.

Alcoholism is a disease.

It is not always how much you drink or how often that puts you in the category.

My father was an alcoholic. He learned to drink with the best, the Marines! It got to a point where it was devastating to us and him as well. We as a family put our foot down and drove him to an Outpatient Rehabilitation Center. Humbled a bit he accepted the help and did well. He even went to work in a Young Adult Alcohol Rehab Unit for a year afterwards. The kid's loved him and looked up to him because he was a retired Marine and he was not too proud to admit to them his faults. The sad part of this is that my mother never let him live it down and at home he was what you call a "dry drunk". He never drank again even if there were times he wished he could have.

If the concern is there in you then it should be a concern with your mother and she is the one that needs to step up and let him know her limitations with it and try to get him to seek help.

You can get in with an Al-Anon Group n your area and learn more about how to deal with this. There are good ones and bad ones, big picky about it. When we as a family went I stopped going because all they wanted to do was talk about the bad things their family member did drinking. Nothing positive was ever mentioned about the fact they were making their life better for being a part of rehab. I chose to look forward and not backwards. I wish my mother had done the same.

Alcoholism is a disease and you get to a point that it is not so much a choice of the one drinking it is something their body craves and the crave overtakes what is right or wrong. They loose control, just like smoking.

Again, work together as a family. Instead of confronting your father at this point confront your mother and other siblings that may be too use to living with it and dealing with it only to wake up the next day and deal again. There has to be a stopping point and it will either be his health that does it or a family that cares enough to not live around it.

Answer 2

The short, honest answer: You can do nothing about him.  As long as he doesn't think he has a problem, nothing can be done.

For yourself, you can go to Al-Anon and talk to others in the same situation.  I encourage you to go.

Answer 3

he cannot control it

just because he was fairly sober to enjoy a vacation, doesnt mean he has stopped...

he DOES need to stop, but it is likely he wont

you have options

stay and let him do his thing

or leave

it is His choice to stop drinking- or not

Answer 4

you'll probably get a thousand responses from people in your situation!!  My father was an alcoholic before he died...his father, brother and sister are also alcoholics!!!I don't know how old you are but you sound mature, so when he is sober, sit him down and talk to him about it...let him know how much you care about him..your in a tough situation, but with the right people on your side he can get help!!!   Good Luck Conor

Answer 5

Sorry to hear that you are all going through this. Your poor Dad must feel awful and guilty most of the time.

It is interesting that he stayed sober on hols.....maybe you should all go away more often - like the odd weekend. Perhaps his determination to stop may come from these times as he tried so hard (and did it!), he probably really didn't want to spoil everyone elses holiday.

I would say that his achievement sounds promising for all your futures.

Maybe he needs some changes in his routine? to break the cycle? - I would ask your Mum to get him to consider a job change or house move (even 5 mins down the road).

Maybe he needs to break from drinking partners who will say, Oh come on! a man deserves a drink after work! (for eg)

I feel for you all and really hope that he can change his ways (positive signs even in your worried question)  

Answer 6

My father is also an alcoholic and has been for most of my life.   Alcoholism is a disease, and after a while alcoholics don't even realize that they are doing what they're doing.  My father doesn't even remember the next day what he did the day before.  You just have to sit him down and explain to him why he should quit drinking( for the family and himself).  Do some research on rehab in your area, or people that he could talk to!  My brother is also a recovering alcoholic, and he started to go to Alcoholics Anonymous.  He told me that talking to people that have gone through it before gave him hope for his future.