My Fiance called off the Wedding the day before! Now what?

Question

Hi,

I dated my Ex fiance for 2 years and had a lot of arguments over committing to marriage as he had fear of marrying someone and I was his first very serious relationship at age of 37. He was not leaving me and was not proposing either so I finally with no dead line suggested that we should break it off when the time comes since marriage is not an option. He proposed to me after 2 months from that conversation convincing me that he was sure of it but then 6 months later he said to me he had to since had no other choice. I asked him to go think about it and gave him space but four days after he came back and said he wanted to marry me not he had to! I trusted him and was so happy but only one day before the wedding he called every thing off. I was hurt and humiliated. He paid for every thing for wedding , why would he have to do that if he was not sure? He called me a few days after calling it off but my sister answered and he said he wanted to explain and thought in the long run would be the right thing or he hoped that at least. All of these happened 10 days ago. I am so sad that no words can describe my pain and feelings. I wish he would come back to me.

What should I do?

Answer 1

You have to hear why he did it. I am not saying to forgive him but knowing why he did it will help you deal with this. He is an a$$hole for leading you on all this time and waiting up until the day before to tell you that he didin't want to get married. But you have to realize that he never wanted to marry you. If a man doesn't bring up marriage its because he is not ready to be married. I know you felt ready but you did the worst thing by pressuring him into it. You should have just broke it off instead of putting all the thoughts of marriage in the conversation. He was not ready to take that plunge and felt forced to do so.

Answer 2

I am very sorry about your situation, however it sounds to me even though he said he wanted to marry you for all the right reasons that it was totally bogus. He cant make up his mind and he figured that it was best to have you in his life they way you wanted instead of not at all, but then decided he was making the wrong choice. I know you're upset but at least it happened now and not later, at least you guys didnt get married. everything happens for a reason, I know thats hard to believe right now but you will see in time everything works out

Answer 3

stop wanting him back

i know it's easy to say but just read what you wrote, he keeps backing out and can't make up his mind about whether or not he really wants to marry you.  i don't doubt that he wants to be with you but if you want to get married some day then you should be with someone who eventually wants to get married too

you shouldn't stick around for someone who you want to marry when they don't really seem to want to marry you....

this is terrible! i'm so sorry for you.

Answer 4

I am so sorry!  What a horrible thing!  I think in a way, he may have seen it as an ultimatum, even if that's not how it was intended.  It seems he has a commitment phobia, and you'd only be wasting your time with him.  Move on and find someone mature enough to handle a lifelong commitment to you.  It will be a long hard road, but the reward will be worth it; Mr. Right IS out there!

Answer 5

Wow!  That hurts my heart too just reading it.  I'm sorry that happened to you.

If when talked to your sister, he told her that he wants actually to talk to you, then you should talk to him one last time.  You should let him that you tried to give him a chance to figure out what he wanted to do and that he didn't have to just give into you knowing he didn't want to be married.  Let him know how much that hurt you.

If he didn't want to face you, then you will just have to let him go.  I know it will probably feel like you are mourning a death but it is something that time will have to heal.  The two of you obviously don't want the same thing so you need to find someone will want to marry you.  

There is someone out there.

Answer 6

I think you you should answer his call next time he calls to explain himself atleast you won't have to wonder all the time that why he behaved this way with you. but no explanation will be good enough as to why he left you just a day before your wedding. you have already given this guy a lot of time and it's easier said than done but you have to move on.

I know right now you might want to hear that everything will be alright and stuff but even if he does come back what guarantee do you have that he will not do this again.

Answer 7

very first serious relationship at 37.   does not want to marry anyone. it is pretty clear to me that you were tipped off 2 years ago.  

then when he waffled you were warned again.  he was never ever a good choice, and i commend you for knowing what you want.  and him for admitting he is not it.  i doubt this was ever a good bet for either of you.  you now wish he would come back to you.    wake up, honey.  

  

here is where you and every single other single girl can cut to the chase without wasting years of her life.  when a guy tells you right away up front he has a fear of marrying, and is already middle aged and has never had a girlfriend,  you better believe him.  you arent going to fix him.    he is telling you in plain english, you just arent willing to hear it.  

also, when a guy tells you this up front this is an insurance policy for hiim when he dumps you, and he will, because then he will say, ' but i told you i didnt want to marry anyone"  you were trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.  he wins, you lose.  ( but you never had him to begin with)    really, next time listen when they tell you exactly who they are and what they want.  make it easy on yourself.  for more read a book called 'the rules'.  

Answer 8

I remember reading a "Reader's Digest" article written by a man whose fiancee broke up with him right before they were scheduled to be married. To soften the blow, he invited his friends to a "Whew, That Was Close" party celebrating his extended bachelorhood. The party featured a wedding cake with a brideless groom on top and classical music that he had wanted played at his wedding but his fiancee had dismissed as "nice music to dust by." In time, he met his ideal match, and they married and had children together.

You might want to consider hosting one of your own "Whew, That Was Close" parties once you've had time to come to terms with your fiance leaving you and find out why he did leave you.