My Fiance wants me to move in! ?

Question

me and my fiance are approaching 3 years. I want our wedding to be on our anniversary in 2010 although he wants it to be earlier (see previous question). We are planning to purchase a home together to move in after the wedding. But.. he wants us to live together now. and for us to get an apartment as soon as possible. he keeps emailing me apartments and newspaper listings. He even brought it up when we make love!! like ooohh baby, dont u love me, then come live with me.. im like wtf? uh killing the moment. but anyway..

I dont want us to live together until after we get married. Esspecially since my family are traditionalist. Its a combination of me being comfortable where i am and i enjoy my privacy, and my family and saving what would be 'rent' on the wedding and our down payment. (i have free living arrangments/ and his is somewhat free..)

He tries to replay sum bs he heard from someone else to convince me to move about being prepared to live together ater we get married or something like that..

but we spend an obscene amount of time together already, esppecially nights over. theres no need to 'reherse' what comes naturally. & he knows that. We mesh well together when it comes to living arrangements. we have our sides of the bed. i cook all his meals & pay the bills on time. he does our laundy & the dishes. so weve practiced enough.

i love our relationship the way it is.. im a grad student and work and he has 2 jobs, we only see eachother every other night and on days off. we text all day. i still think hes s**y as h**l, and he thinks im gorgeous. we act like 2 teenagers together. and look forward to seeing eachother till this day. Why ruin the anticipation?!

I know he likes having me around and i do look forward to being with him more.. eventually. but if we move in, i dont want us to get used to eachother and lose this spark weve maintained for the last few yrs. and i want us to look forward to it after the wedding. i want us to have a wonderful spiceful marriage and always have something to look forward to..

then after that he'll have to look forward to convincing me to having kids.. lol jus kidding.

Answer 1

Move in with him. That way u will see if it will work. He might have bad habits that u would only see if u live with him and u wouldnt like. And if u worried about the spark now if it goes now it will go then too. Ive been with my bf for almost 10 months. He moved in after a week. And i prefer it this way. The wisest thing u can do is move in with him. My parents lived together before they got married they have been married 21 years now. Living together 1st is best.  

Answer 2

your soo right you should wait to move in together that was great thinking his just gonna have to wait

Answer 3

Wait until you are married to live together. It really is nice to have that something special to look forward to - it's what we did, and it was just great - that anticipation that you describe is really there then!

Answer 4

You should have discussed this and resolved it before becoming engaged. The bs you refer to is studies that have shown that couples that live together for a year before getting married have a much lower divorce rate.

Answer 5

You know, in my opinion, I think its a good idea to live together before marriage (or at least spend some nights and weekends together) Its like buying a car without test driving it BUT you are the one in this situation. If you dont feel comfortable doing this, then dont! If your fiance cares and respects you then he will understand your decision. Its difficult for him to  understand if his family isnt as conservative as yours. Stick to your guns on this and do what YOU feel is right.

Answer 6

you have to be comfortable with whatever you do. If its traditional then sure enough ur fiance understands?

You have to think of both of your futures as well. if your a grad student and work. then thats one responsibility, is his place nearer to any of them? when you move in, will you be distracted from work?

Try and tell him how you feel, after all you are goin to be married, lol.

I hope i have heled at least a little if not then dont worry but what ever you do it has to feel right to you.

Answer 7

There is always debate on living together before vs living together after. I think it really comes down to this - you should do what is right for you. If this is something you feel strongly about, he should respect it.

Also, getting an apartment before buying a house is just a waste of money (unless you really need one, which it looks like you don't).  

Answer 8

don't move in with him until you get married and do NOT buy a house with him until AFTER you are married.......

Answer 9

I don't see a problem with moving in with your fiancee. That way you two will figure out if you can handle each other 24/7 before you get married.

That is just my opinion.

Answer 10

If you're uncomfortable with the arrangement you should not feel you have to do so. Have you guys done your premarital counselling yet? If so, did it cover family-of-origin differences? This sounds like one of those, so if you haven't done anything on family of origin, either go back for another session and request some family-of-origin help, or make sure that you ask about that when you do go in.

And if it's just the divorce rate you're worried about (which I don't think so), I've seen anecdotal evidence that living together after you get engaged isn't as bad for the chances of your marriage surviving.