My First Grader has a tough time listening and following directions. Any great suggestions out there?

Question

My son is 7 and in 1st grade. He did well on his first report card, although he has a tough time with focus and it appears that it has gotten worse. His overall grade for work habits have fallen. My husband and I have tried to be reasonable as he is young, however we feel the need to impress apon him self control, focus and listening. He gets way to wrapped up in what is happening around him and losses track of what he is doing. Typical behavior at circle time: his friend Joey's shoe is untied and he is across the circle, he can't rest until Joey is aware of it and the shoe is tied. He then notices little Sarrah is sad, he most know why and help her through it. Then when Collin can't write the word of the day, he will help him with his paper and not get his done. He has tons of friends and everyone loves him but he has to concentrate on his work! We have tried to take things away, a reward system, love and logic approuch, and time outs... ALL ideas greatly appreciated!

Answer 1

Tell the teacher to set him apart from the other kids, or you home school him.Thats about all you can do.No kid wants to do school work instead of play.Teachers used to be able to paddle the kids for this kind of behavior.It made them pay attention a lot better.

Answer 2

Just tell him to behave and if he doesn't he won't participate in something that is fun to him. I know it is stressing to give a 7 year old boy time-out, but sometimes you have to do what's right to get him to behave better. I am praying for you and your husband to get time to talk to your son and discuss anything that you and your husband want to change about his attitude. Hope it works! Have a nice day!

Answer 3

you should try hypnosis, its an easy way to stop the trouble no pain or dicsipline involved to!

Answer 4

thats a tough one. i have no idea on how to help you.

I like the way you said Joey's shoe..... Sarrah is sad.......and the best one.........when Collin can't write the word of the day, he will help him with his paper and not get his done

seems like a cool little dude.

hope you figure something out

Answer 5

Boys are intensely energetic, and the public school system doesn't allow enough time for play and exercise.

He's got pent up energy he needs to release.

Instead of punishing him for things he can't control, you need to work with his teacher/school to get him out and burning energy!

Answer 6

might sound crazy, but read aloud to him while he follows the pictures and text.  it will make him settle and focus.  Make it fun with voices.  

also, buy some books on tape for first graders that he will enjoy- again it will help him listen, focus, and process the information at hand.  

There are also listening activity books/books with simple worksheets in the teacher stores.  I use these in the begining of the school year with students in my class.

his teacher should also have ideas.  If not, the counselor should.  A speech teacher also might deal with situations like this because she helps kids with auditory processing issues.  Even if he doesn't haven't have that problem, often the strategies work for kids like your son.  Be in constant touch with the teacher so she can keep  you updated, and you know what is going in class content-wise.  Talk to him about topics from class.  Then he'll be more interested, and he'll know you're going to talk about it later so he will pay attention.

Involve the teacher- it's her job to help.

Answer 7

We had to make things very clear.  Okay, Joel.  It's time to put your backpack away.  Is it time to play? no.  Is it time to watch TV? no.  So what are you going to do?  I'm going to put up my backpack and come tell you when I'm done.

Giving him only one chore at a time, when there is no tv, radio, noises around--no distractions.  And when he gets it right he gets a pat on the back and he gets to take a break or go play.

It sounds like your son is very distracted by the other children.  I don't know that there's anything you can do about that.  Sounds like he's very empathetic, and that's very good.  But how do you promote compassion toward others while he must sit still in the circle?

Time outs were very effective for my son, because they gave him a chance to cool off.  Joel has ADD & PDD & bipolar syndrome, so his emotions were up and down all day long.  He still (17 yo) gets so angry he cries (not in public).

Other than medication for your son (I'm assuming you don't want to do that, because you haven't done it already) it was funny, but when we gave him dimetapp liquid, his teacher was thrilled with his behavior.  For a while, we just used that!

Joel still has trouble keeping focused.  He has self-control problems, massive organization problems, and maintaining responsibilities is a total blow.  

If there's anything I can help you with...

Www.nami.org is a great resource for ADD & ADHD moms.

Debbie

Answer 8

I help out in my 7 year old 1st grade class and most of the kids are like that. My son has a hard time sitting still.

Answer 9

I am mom to 4 children who are now 28, 26, 23, and 10.  Our 23 year old began to have some very similar problems as your son, but she was in second grade.  Because this is an issue that is causing problems at school, it is imperative that you are working closely with his teacher as consistency both at home and at school will produce the best results.  First, this is not an issue that requires punishment nor necessarily will rewards have any effect.  The first thing we did was take our daughter for a complete physical, including a hearing test.  It was discovered that she has some significant hearing loss in one of her ears.  Not enough to warrant intervention, but enough to cause her not to hear things, including directions, completely.  If your son has not already been tested then ask your son's teacher if she feels he needs to be.  Our daughter was given the preliminary test for ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder, different than ADHD) and while she was not found to have this, she was described as being one of the most distractible children the tester had ever tested.  It is importnat to know what you are dealing with in order to handle the situation properly.  Like your son, our daughter is one of the most compassionate people I know.  She was like that as a small child and still is at 23 years old.  It has gotten her into some big trouble, trusting people she shouldn't, but it is who she is and we don't try to change her.  For her, at home and at school both, we decided to try giving her instructions broken down into one step at a time.  Our daughter was a child who never developed the ability to perform a direction with multi-steps.  She is still like that and can manage 3 things at a time at most.  She doesn't have a learning disability and she is very smart, but just can't multi-task well.  Circle Time is actually a very difficult thing for children with distractibility issues.  The teacher may be comfortable with asking him to sit slightly inside the circle facing her so he has less distractions.  During class, he may have to have his desk moved so he is not facing the majority of the children.  During work time, he may benefit from a small divider set up (an empty pizza box decorated with a design of his making) on his desk so he can focus on his work.  You and the teacher should have a conference to come up with some possible plans then have a conference with your son to see what ideas he can come up with.  Forget logic as he's a little on the young side for that right now and children with a high distractibility level develop logical reasoning skills a bit later than the average.  Definitely no time outs - he doesn't know what he is doing wrong and isn't doing any of this to be intentionally naughty.  If he has the same trouble at home with work, keep the time short with plenty of breaks.  Develop a "secret" word that means "stick to the task at hand".  You and the teacher may have to then give him a verbal reminder of what the task at hand is.  If your school has a building learning specialist, ask for ideas from him/her.  He is not likely in need of specialized services but the learning specialist will have tricks to help him stay focused.  Above all, love and cherish the compassionate spirit he has.  It's easy to get agitated with it, but it is a great personality trait.

Answer 10

Letting someone know his shoe is untied, comforting a friend, helping a classmate with his handwriting...that's a problem?!  How can you think to punish him for being good?  That makes no sense at all.

Look at him as if he were an adult.  Would those behaviors be wrong?  No.  You want to encourage that behavior but in the right context.  Of course, you know that but I am trying to help you see it from a different perspective.  Relax a bit.  The teacher needs to be a bit more lax in her methods of working with him and be open minded.  She needs to find what will work for him specifically.  

It really sounds like your child may have any of many "issues" -ADD, ADHD, Asperger's (?), etc.  All those are supposed to be related to food allergies.

Before I go on, a word about seclusion:  Separating him (unless your child requests it) it BAD.  That will make him "different" and "bad" not only in his eyes but in the eyes of his peers and future teachers.  That can mark him (and any younger siblings) for the rest of his school days.  

Anyway, work with your child's teacher to brain storm and come up with ideas.  

For us, our first child (11) has an IEP (individual education plan) where he gets an aid in math to help him focus.  He also goes to the resource specialist for therapies that help him exercise his skills that will help him succeed in the classroom.

Our second child (8, also with an IEP) has serious anxiety issues and cannot function in a regular classroom.  He is now going to a school where he is only 1 of 5 students in the class.  There are at least 3 adults (teacher and 2 aids) and as many as 5 (teacher, aids, therapist) in the class helping.  The county pays for this.

Our third child, is now 5 and started kindergarten this year.  We have seen serious behavioral issues with him both at school and at home.  Before the age of 2 1/2 he was a HAPPY, HAPPY, child and was so sweet.  Now he is very angry, can't focus, and gets into trouble and it has gotten increasingly worse.  

So, NOW we are changing our menu a bit to see if a diet change will help.  Since ALL of our 3 older children have issues (not all listed) that can be affected by diet, it's kind of a no-brainer to try changing things a bit.  I already know that my oldest son is allergic (not just intollerance) to dairy.  He won't touch it - he is self restricting.  

We just began the Specific Carbohydrate Diet or SCD. It goes beyond gluten-free, dairy-free which some report only produces a small change or maintains behavior problems.  In the first few days of it, it has been delightfully simple for me.  The kids are basically cutting out starchy foods and dairy altogether.  This diet is being prescribed by DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctors and parents whose children have Autism, Autism spectrum disorders (like Asperger's), and ADHD are seeing great improvement in their children's behavior.

They are getting very healthy, homemade, simple foods and boy, it makes me feel good to know that I am feeding them right (no McDonald's, yay!).  After we reintroduce simple, easily digestible foods to them, they will go on to more and more variety.  It is a progressive diet so eventually we hope to have our kids on a more typical diet.

My hopes are that my eldest will be able to focus more in school (his big problem), my second child will show more control over his behavior and be more calm, and my Kindergartener will be both more focused and in control and better be able to deal with his anger.

We are not bad parents.  We DO teach our children right and wrong and model for them good, kind, loving behavior.   Remember that the next time you decide to stare at the misbehaving child at the supermarket or playground.  lol.   :)    It's not always the parents OR the child's fault.  Some kids just have bad reactions to some foods that make them crazy and unable to control themselves very well.

Don't think that you will find a quick fix in drugs for your child.   It has be a STRUGGLE to gain the support we need from the school but we are now (after how many years?) are enjoying a good working relationship with them and they even offer us special school lunches, free counseling, and independent study if we think it will help while they adjust to their new diet (we have a great principal).  

Best advice, be involved, get the support of your pediatrician, and don't let the school make the decisions for your child.  YOU will know what is best for you child.

Best wishes.

Note:  Working with a good pediatrician and doing testing may give you some answers because it certainly doesn't sound like your child is being defiant.