My Girlfriend's 2 grown daughter's 20 and 25 don't work?

Question

My girlfriend I are about to buy a house. I have 3 children two boys ages 22 and 13; my daughter is 19. My girlfriend has two daughters they live in the basement they're ages 20 and 25, and both of them do not work! To add insult to injury the 20 year boyfriend lives with her in the basement; he has two children in NC and my girlfriends daughter is preganant. She's getting an abortion!

My girlfriend wants to give her two daughters and the boyfriend 29 days, and I feel that she should not do that! Her girls has been living with us for 4 months already and still do not have any jobs! My girlfriend feels the pain and understands but she's a very nice person and she feels everyone should have a chance! But we're always fighting about that, then my girlfriend brings up the issue with my children, although, the my two oldest work; but she seems to have an issue anyway because she says my kids talk disrespectfully to me. We need help here!! My girlfriend feels like (F) all the older kids and bring the 13 year old with us and let the older ones find their way! She feels like they're all headaches in one way or the other! She feels that since we were in our 20's and was able to make our way without the help of our messed up mothers, why can't they! We need advice here!

Answer 1

DO NOT MARRY INTO THIS MESS.

She needs to GIVE her daughters a REAL CHANCE, by packing their things up and taking them to a homeless shelter.They will have food and shelter there.When she drops them off she needs to tell them:

"This is your new home.You will either get on your feet or learn to like it here".Then tell the daughter having abortion"you know this is murder and I will never be able to look at you the same way and I don't know if I will ever feel the same way about you again after you MURDER your OWN CHILD".

You need to tell your oldest daughters(UNLESS THEY ARE IN COLLEGE) it is time for them to get out on their own so they can learn the responsibilities of  being an adult now.

You have a 13 yr old, she does NOT need to see daddy shacking with this kind of woman, and she doesn't NEED the drama.

You BOTH need to go to counseling and get how you are going to function as a family worked out AFTER you get the oldest kids out of your house.

DO NOT BUY A HOUSE TOGETHER.Not unless you get all those problems straightened out and you let all the oldest kids go they are NOT coming back to live with you.

No house buying until this is all straightened out and you are married first.Otherwise your 13 yr old daughter will be shacking with the first cute guy that invites her home and she will use YOU as her PATTERN AND JUSTIFICATION.

Answer 2

I would first straighten out all the problems and decisions concerning all the children before I bought a house.  You two are not married.  Taking on the burden of a home mortgage is kind of risky.  All of these problems with your children could cause you two to break up.  One of you could just throw their hands up and walk away.  Then someone would be left in a financial mess with a house payment hanging over their head.

I think your girlfriend is right.  Take the 13 year old with you and let the older ones find their own way in the world.  It is time to cut the apron strings.  Give them one week to get out of the house.

Answer 3

While there isn't much you can do about your girlfriends daughter having an abortion (short of explaining to her that there are families out there that would love to adopt and raise her baby if she doesn't want it) there's plenty you can do about the freeloading.

First off, daughter wants to play grown up, and shack up with the boyfriend in the basement.. then treat them like adults. Charge them rent. If they don't get jobs and pay their rent ON TIME. Evict them as any landlord would do. Sure, they'll get mad, but so what? They will get over it as soon as they need mommy's and yours help again. In fact.. charge ALL the grown children rent. It will be a lesson in maturity that eventually, they will thank you for. What you do with the "rent" money is your choice.. save it up, take the girlfriend on a nice vacation (just the two of you), the choices are endless.

Whatever you do, STOP letting the kids come between yours and your girlfriends relationship. You're entitled to lives together in peace and quiet. Without their dramas. Sit them down, right away, even if you choose not to start charging them rent, and have yourselves a nice little chat with them. Tell them what they're doing wrong, and give them their choices, get jobs.. and possibly pay rent, or get to hitting those bricks!

They are all old enough to be taking responsibilities for themselves, and their actions and it's time you and the girlfriend stop fighting each other.. and take a stand together. The both of you sound like your so busy arguing with each other, that you're both neglecting the fact that your enabling these young adults to behave like little children, with the grown ups benefits.

Only you and the girlfriend can decide what action you want to take.. and decide when enough is enough. And then, put a stop to it.

I wish you both well with whatever you do.