My Husband and I?

Question

have been asked by our son and his x-girl friend to adopt their 4 YO son..(we have raised him since he was 8 days old)

they both agree that this is in the best interest of the child..(my husband and I are delighted)..

One situplation they ask is that they NOT be known as Mom + Dad...just Brother and Auntie...

My concern is..we are known to our Grandson as Granny and Papa...

They are known as Mom and Dad..they plan on remaining in the childs life...how will this change of names affect our grandchild?..

how do I explain all this to him...to help him understand

Answer 1

Nothing will change unless you want to disown your son

Answer 2

I agree with the others. It would be awfully confusing for the little boy. Perhaps permanent guardianship would be a better idea. You would still have all rights and responsibilities of a parent but you'd still be gram and grampa and he still has his Mom and Dad. even if he doesn't see them that much.  I am permanent guardian to a 3 and 8 year old family friends. The little one knows us as mom and dad (he was a newborn when we got him). We explained that some people don't know how to be a good parent so its best we raise them. But we reassure him that his mom is good person, just not a good parent.  He seems to handle that well. Just like some people can't play baseball well, or draw.

Answer 3

This is a terrible idea and I strongly urge you not to change the way your grandson refers to you and his parents. No matter who raises the child or who becomes the legal parents through adoption, the child needs to know and has a right to know who his biological parents are. He already knows who they are and it needs to stay that way. First of all, he is 4 years old already and he knows who his mother and father are. This would be a bad idea no matter how old he is but, it is even worse knowing that you will be deceiving the child into "changing his mind" about who his parents are!! You can not and should not explain to him why and how you are lying to him. You should not try to make him understand something that is not true. It sounds like his parents would like him to forget that they are his parents and somehow grow up believing that they are his brother and aunt? Please don't do this. You are completely asking for trouble. I think the ones who need to have things explained to them are this child's parents. They need to understand. They seriously also need counseling because their attitude alone is in trouble. Please find a therapist who knows about these issues and can help you. Find someone you like and feel you can work with. Go alone or with the child's parents but, definitely go and get some professional advice from someone who has worked with these issues. It's wonderful that you are happy to raise this child as your own but, don't teach him that you are his parents. Tell him the truth always.

Answer 4

You probably should contact an adoption agency or social worker for some guidance.  They have the best interests of the child at heart, and have experience with virtually every situation that you could think of, including this one.

Answer 5

I think that your adopting the boy sounds great. What I fail to understand is how the birth parents can think that a 4 year old boy would not remember who his parents are. Are your rearing methods still in tact when your son and his ex come over to visit the boy? Adopting the little guy will mean a lot more than a change of name, even now. You will decide his medical and scholastic 'choices'........

I praise you for wanting to adopt the lad, and I hope that you do. You've reared him, and you deserve the right to be called his parents. Changing what he calls you is going to be a difficult task. He knows he already has a mama and a dad. Oh, I do wish you good luck.

Answer 6

my opinion is that it is to late to change what the child already knows. If you change it now your just gonna confuse the child in the long run. When the child gets older he is gonna start asking more questions about this, so to me it is better for the child to know the truth in the long run.

Answer 7

It would be confusing for a 4 year old.  However you could gradually get it to work -depends on the child.  My parents pretty much raised my brother's child and he called them Mimi and Pops.  Maybe you could use the same or similar names-and gradually get him to call your son and xgirl friend by their given names.  It may be too hard to have 2 moms and 2 dads-but there are countless names that mean the same.  Papa could stay the same.....so it would just be your name.  

best of luck!  glad you are there for him, Sheri