My Husband had an affair with a man, now what do I do?

Question

I've been married for 5 years and my husband has had issues early in our married with g*y issues. He would look at p**n, talk on line to other men. I never accepted any of it, and it really started to weigh on our marriage. We had one very large fight where I almost walked away but he swore to me that he would never do any of it again. Well that was 3 years ago, we had a very sweet little boy and it seemed to be going great. Up until a couple weeks ago I was making us reservations for our vacation and I noticed him looking at p**n on his laptop. He said it was something that just slowly came back. I then told him if he didn't tell me everything right then I was going to leave and take his son. That's when he confessed about the affair he had had 3 years ago. When I would go to work he would go over to his "buddies" apartment and fool around. I am so sick right now. I feel trapped because I'm still a year from my certification, and I don't work because I'm a full time student. I don't know what to do, or how to handle this now. My best friend says stay he loves you, and he did agree to counciling but his sister thinks I need to kick her brother to the curb and let her at him with a baseball bat.

Answer 1

Run, Run, Run, He is clearly g*y! and being married is just a cover. It sounds like he is sleeping around with more than one person. Honey take your child and move on....you can still get your certification...you will have to change a few things in your life....you can make it many women have raised a child or children work, and go to school such as I am....RUN, RUN, RUN..........FAST

Answer 2

in this case sister knows best

Answer 3

are you kidding me??? you have to ask, now what do I do?????????  

Answer 4

that's a toss back , you do not want what he can and is able to bring home to you for your health you have to go.  

Answer 5

Your sister in law has the right idea.

Answer 6

His sister has the best idea...

Answer 7

Get out, the man is g*y, theres nothing you can do about it.  You could have an agreement to stick around until you get your ceritfication and a job, then move on.  Appeal to his sensitive side!

Answer 8

Give him a big bottle of lube and GET OUT!!!

Answer 9

Leave...his sister is right on...I knew someone who had your experience and ended up having 3 daughters and a divorce after all that.  She believed his lies and ended up getting hurt so bad.  Go to social services and get help to finish your certification.  Don't give up and do this for yourself and your son.  You and your son deserve so much more in life.

Answer 10

Lady no offense but the only option you have is to leave! I can't believe you stayed this long no disrespect but are you desperate? Sounds like it. This is a crazy situation and your husband should have never married if he's g*y.

Answer 11

before you leave or stay with this man sit down and think about everything.. is he a good dad and husband?  why not try the counselingfirst .. if you really love him  sit down and talk to him and just be very open and honest with each other about everything and if for any reason it does not work out for the both of you .. then stay friends for you child,,

Answer 12

Jump both of them!

Answer 13

he has lied for 3 years. Marriage is based on trust and he broke that. i think that we loves you but he is not "in love" with you. He is g*y but he doesnt want to take on the consqueneces of telling society.

I would reach a mutal agreement with him that you will remain there why he figures himself out and then after you have finished your certification take your son and leave. Its a hard world. you shouldnt have to suffer because he lied to you.

Answer 14

you need to leave him

Answer 15

I'm with his sister on this.

Answer 16

His g*y tendencies are going to continue to come and go because obviously that is who he is.  Whatever attention or affection he is receiving from men is something that you can't give him.  Seems as though his marriage is a good front for a "down low" man.  I would suggest having yourself tested for HIV and move forward with school and life.  It is hard to compete with a cheating husband when there is a woman envolved, what leverage do you have with another man?  You will find out of more people over the years, there isn't a cure for being "g*y", its a lifestyle.

Answer 17

I think you definitely go to counseling.  Even if the marriage ends, counseling will help you come to terms with this issue.  No matter what - you are going to be co-parenting with this man for a long time.

Counseling will not determine the outcome.. but it will help both of you get there

Answer 18

I don't think counseling will help.  He's g*y.  It's not something he can change.

You can dump him, and get divorced.  A clean break may be best in the long run...keeping your son involved with his father (it's not the boy's fault remember).  Or you can stick around, make yourself miserable, and try to live the lie that is your happy marriage.

I would choose the first choice.  May be tough at first, but the sooner you do it, the sooner you recover.

Answer 19

1, Get yourself and your son tested immediately for HIV

#2, move out of the bedroom even if it means sharing a room with your son.

#3, collect as much evidence against him as possible to use in your divorce so you can assure it was his fault and you can get alimony and child support.

Answer 20

Honey, he is g*y. He prefers the same gender. You will never, ever be able to change him (and why would you want to try?)

He will still be  a great father to your child. He's still the same person! Let him be who he is, and let him go..

Answer 21

So your only staying with him for his money?I guess only you can decide if that is worth it.

Answer 22

Clearly, this marriage is over.  He's g*y.  No straight guy casually looks at g*y p**n.  I'm not sure why he's living this lie, but he has to be honest with himself.

Whatever the situation, you need to provide a stable environment for your kid.  He can still be a great father if you're divorced and he's out of the closet.  It'll do more harm if you stay in a sham marriage than if you break up earlier in his life.

There is clearly the problem of your schooling.  Maybe you'll have to fake it until you get your degree, then file for divorce and get a good job.  Can anyone else help?  Financial aid?  You may have to look into that, since I think the sooner this marriage ends, the better for both of you.

What concerns me is the subtle homophobia here.  Not accusing you of being a hate monger, but there are some elements in your environment that concern me.  Like him getting counseling.  Counseling WILL NOT MAKE HIM STRAIGHT!  There is no magical "cure".  Being g*y is in his DNA, and you can't beat nature.  Also I wonder if your sister in law would take a baseball bat to him if he was fooling around with women.  I don't know the full story.

Answer 23

he has a butt buddy.

g**s are usually well of, so make him pay you some cash and let him go pack fudge for Hersheys.

find yourself a nice straight guy and stay off this ones sausage or you will get aids

Answer 24

baby this man love men 2. u can't change him! they giving him something u can't that a tight *** & hard d%ck. so just live & get over him. cause u don't want aids. just stay friends

Answer 25

What do you do? You leave him. He's not interested in you, the marriage, or the family.

Answer 26

Do you want to be married to him?  That is totally your call.  You do need to go to the doctor and get yourself checked for STD's. etc.

You said that you knew about his attraction to men - early on in your marriage, and the affair was three years ago.  

Don't stay because of money. It would be tough but you could continue on to get your certification,  work part time, get childen's aide, and a year from now - you will be able to support yourself and your child.

Answer 27

Take some creative writing classes .

Don't post the same thing so close together.

Answer 28

You're not doing yourself or your son any favours by staying with your husband. Make him your ex-husband asap and concentrate on building a better life for you and your son. I'm sorry to hear about what happend. I wish you all the best.

Answer 29

women live with this sort of thing all the time. I am not condoning it but if you can put up with knowing that he will probably have relationships with other men in the future then stick around. Otherwise get out and move on. I just feel sorry for your little guy who will have to bear the brunt of this socially

Answer 30

How do you feel do you love him do you really want to leave him if he agrees to go to counseling to help solve his problem why leave him. Now, if this problem keeps going on then you have to kick him to the curb

Answer 31

Once g*y, always g*y. Dump him and move on. Things will not get better.