My Indian partner sometimes hits me

Question

i am an english woman with an indian partner, who i love very much, but occassionally he hits me. I have mentioned this to my Indian friends but they dont seem all that surprised by it. Is this a cultural difference, am i expecting too much for him not to hurt me.What is 'normal' in India. I dont want to leave him, I love him, and he is only abusive when he has been drinking

Answer 1

YOU'RE WILLING TO PUT UP WITH THIS  AND WRITE IT OFF TO A "CULTURAL DIFFERENCE"???

Please tell me you're kidding.......just because he thinks it's "normal", doesn't make it right.

Sit him down, tell him it's NOT acceptable behavior.

If he does it again, wake him up in the middle of the night with a baseball bat, (cricket bat, whatever is handy), that should get the point across.  If you were my sister, he'd never touch you again in anger, (I wouldn't need to touch him, he'd simply understand that death was imminent if he ever hit you again).

If he can't adjust, GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!!

Sorry

Luck

The fact that you don't want to leave him, and are making excuses and allowances for his behavior are not good signs.

You might seek some help for yourself, too.

Answer 2

Yeah I actually think drinking is the best culture enhancer for anyone.

Don't be stupid.  

Answer 3

Yes my dear, it’s an Indian problem... as well as it is a typical American, Mexican, Colombian, German, British, Spanish, Moroccan, Iranian, Israeli, African problem… you know what I mean???

It is a problem all over the world, men using their so-called cultural roots for a lame excuse to mistreat their partners and wives.

It´s so easy, they say, “hey it is a cultural problem, it is the way I have been brought up and the only way I know… I am terribly sorry honey but you do have to understand me… it´s my roots and my culture, I am innocent… if you leave me for that reason you are a racist…”

Come on! You seem to be old enough to know that hitting and acting violently against any other person is not funded in culture or religion, it is the consequence that something works badly in the brain of the guy who mistreats you.

There are people who say that for example all Muslims are potentially violent against women in general, but honestly all my Muslim friends respect their wives and would never raise their hand against their wives…

Drinking is also a cheap excuse. If somebody is violent he is without drinking as well. What happens is that without drinking he controls his violence (so far), but believe me, after a while he will not need a couple of drinks anymore to act violently against you.

I believe that the first time a man hits a woman he has reached the point of no return, it´s like crossing the last border and once this border has been crossed once, it goes thinner and thinner until it vanishes.

Why do women always try to excuse their husbands who treat them like s**+****t?

Yes indeed, I have bad experiences from my childhood: An aggressive father who abused and mistreated my mother psychologically and physically since I can remember.

But I can assure you that it has nothing to do with our Indian heritage; the only source of the violence of my father was because he is a controlling freak, somebody who thinks that he is more “macho” when his wife is afraid of him… unfortunately these people do think that fright is the same as respect. But honestly, no woman respects a violent husband… all she feels is fright.

My brothers never ever have talked badly to their wives and never, never, never raised their hand against their wives or children…

I actually live in Spain where you ca see in the news every week that another woman has been killed by her husband or ex husband… is this the heritage of Catholic beliefs?  The result of fascism dictatorship? I think this is nothing else but cheap excuses for people who have lost any respect towards other peoples life.

In so-called educated and countries with a high education standard and where obviously women have reached equality since many decades there does exist the same problem.

I have been living in UK years ago and honestly, I have seen many cases of mistreat against women… and the ones who have beaten their wives up have generally not been the immigrants…

Let me say it this way: Men who do not see an equal partner in a woman do mistreat their partners and these guys do not even have a good concept of themselves, suffer from low self confidence and are feeling to having to fight against women in general.

You are not a partner for him… he simply uses you and when you suffer he feels stronger and more macho than ever.

Drinking is a problem, I agree, but it is not am excuse and also not the source of this problem.

Men are generally stronger, so it is easy for them to oppress a woman this way. If women were stronger than men, would they do the same? I really hope not…

All I can say is that you shall leave this abusive relationship. It won´t get better. It will get even worse by the time and once you wake up in the hospital with broken bones and a completely ruined life you will wish to have run away when the first signs of daily abuses started.

You can find a real partner, a man who respects you and treats you like an equal human being… because after all this is what we all are: Human beings, no matter which religion, color, cultural surrounding, gender, looks… we are all human beings and the first thing is that we have to be respected like that.

Love without respect is nothing at all and not worth to think twice before walking through the door and close it forever.

I wish you all the best, may you find true love, no matter if with an Indian, British, African, Arabian, Chinese partner… whatever… but go away and find true love!!!

Answer 4

well if you say now  a days no its not normal to hit women in india... atleast part of it i have seen in villages a different scenerio may occur... but this is not taken anywhere.... when he is in his senses tell him that he hits you too bad.... you seem to have been taking all this long now.... ask him to try quitting... alcohol... or be serious about basis of this relation...

Answer 5

Almost every Indian man r like this.  M myself Indian women.  Indian man r like this they dont respect women.  and they r most diplomatic human on this earth blv me.  U being n english woman still with him love is somthng els n hitting is somthng els. better kick that b******'s balls, crush his head in mirror or a glass. n throw on his face divorce paper.  u r in 2008 where r u lost? Love him but tell him uu r not dependent on him.  I respect u n ur feelings for him but till when we women have to go thru all these thngs if he cant respect u he cant beat u.

Get some brains and divorce him if he is not willing to divorce leave him.  Woman, life is not this u need to have smthng 4 urself a place where u r secured, with som1 who can love u n respect u

Answer 6

I am feeling Bad about this BUT being an Indian Male I will say this is not due to Culture ! Best is to then ensure that He does not drink and You talk to him when He is sober that this behavior is not acceptable. If He still does not improve then I am sure you have to take matter in YOUR hand and decide. If Friends are not helping then may be you need to even look at that !

By the way there are Laws every where which protect such abuses.

May God Give your Partner Wisdom to see So much Love still in you for Him.

Answer 7

Yes, this is a cultural difference.

However, his behaviour is typical of an abusive partner, and yours is typical of the party being abused - ie making excuses and falling back on how much you love him and that he only does it when he's drunk. This is collusion.

Hiting anyone, for whatever reason is wrong.

If you wish your relationship to last, then get councilling for the pair of you. Tell him that his abusive behaviour is unacceptable. If he doesn't change and learn to respect you, then leave him.

Answer 8

If he doesn't view it as a problem, and does not wish to seek help with it, I would suggest leaving him. Abusive relationships only get worse with time, and being drunk is no excuse for ever hurting someone.

Love is blind, it's better to use your head rather than use your heart, because he may end up seriously hurting you one day, and if he really loved you, he would never hurt you.

Answer 9

No one can beat his wife wether he is an indian or foreigner....there are law against this and you can ask for help...your friends are saying nothing because no body wants to drag himself between husband wife fight ...One of the greatest challenges facing the domestic violence movement is the widespread perception that spousal abuse is a "private matter."f you think you’re the victim of male domestic violence, contact your doctor, a counselor, or a police.... Couples counseling may be the most effective way to resolve husband abuse. If the situation warrants it, leaving the marriage or obtaining a restraining order may be the best solution.

Answer 10

this is an indian problem as i am an indian i now it very well......

you don't worry make him feel that he's wrong in doing that stuff. e'll stop doing that or else you start abusing him and keep him away from drinking and if he loves you too he will leave drinking and abusing if he notices you're hurt ...

    so don't worry everybdy has some or the other problem with an unadjustable indian...

Answer 11

This is not about what is "normal" in India, or in any other country for that matter.  This is about your self-esteem being low enough to actually allow yourself being abused by a violent drunk.  Get some professional counselling as soon as possible.  You need to explore why you think that you don't deserve better.

Answer 12

I'm Indian and no it's not "normal" in Indian culture..but when it does happen, a lot of times women don't speak up for themselves, they just let  it happen - I have no idea why. I'm not married yet, but if my partner hit me I think I'd leave him.

Forgot to add: some Indian men actually are very controlling. I had an indian bf once who used to say to me "If you don't listen to me when we get married, I'll have to beat you".

I broke up with him later.

Answer 13

He needs to see behaviore and his culture "norm" as a problem.  If he doesn't seek professional help you will more than likely live a miserable life.  Good luck to you.

Answer 14

HI,

Well,, Iam an Indian.. and i  swear  that its not normal anywhere to hit any woman anywhere.. if the guy gets drunk and hits you..chuck him out ..

Cheers

Answer 15

Hitting by partners in any culture is a Joke.Indian culture too it is shameful to hit the partner ,if complained the partner can go behind bars.

Its a shear animal behaviour...In man animal wakes up when he/she is under influence of intoxicating drugs/drinks......for that matter a drunkerd will hit any one regardless of age/country/religen/colour/s*x/race

Answer 16

Leave him, you weren't brought up this way, he was. This is 2008 where is your common sense? Would you tolerate this from an English man? no.

Answer 17

It doesn't matter if it's "normal" in Indian culture--that's doesn't make it right. Love and physical abuse cannot co-exist. If he hits you, he does not truly love you, and unless he gets serious help, you're never going to get from him the loving, healthy, stable relationship you deserve. Leave him before it gets worse--especially if you're thinking of bringing children into an abusive relationship.  

Answer 18

Abuse is abuse and hitting doesn't demonstrate love, it shows that he is trying to control you and that you aren't worth anything. A good question to ask yourself is why do you feel it is love that you have for him and why on earth would you allow anyone to treat you that way. Cultural differences happen but abusiveness should never. Let him go his own merry slap happy way and you go yours.  A hit here and there now may end up putting you in the hospital later, or six feet under.

Answer 19

Can that fruitcake. I'll beat his asss for you.

Answer 20

Create healthy circumstances at home, love not work all the time. Drinking is not good habit try to leave it, talk with him about this matter when he is in good mood.

Answer 21

My dear friend baering the crime is bigger than doing the crime. I am surprised that u still love him. Physical abuse is not at all acceptable in any culture thourghout the world. So its not normal. Any person who does so is quite abnormal. No matter he is doing so after got drunk. Maintain ur dignity and ur self respect and pls don't tolerate this any more. Leave him right now.

Answer 22

If you 'love' him..........just go ahead and take his 'normal' Indian ABUSES for as long as he feels like laying them on you!

(until you realize what your rights are and what you really deserve!)

Answer 23

Hi babs. well its not aI INDIAN culture. I think that man is wild. If possible, leave him.  

Answer 24

To hit someone in any culture is not a good sign. Even if he is drunk. Limits need to be drawn everywhere, for any occasion. Generally, indian men are very protective & toleratant of their women. I believe both of you guys need to talk to have a heart to heart talk. Good Luck!

Answer 25

dont take **** like tht its not good ....sometimes guys do tend to get overboard but try not to get too serious with it ....  

Answer 26

look i don't care what color you are blue green gold or what you think you have a right to do you hit me and I'm going to touch you and your not going to like it because if someone cares about you there  not going to hit you! make some grits and when he goes to hit you give them to him