My MIL will not respect my husband's privacy when he is in the hospital & calls everyone we don't want her to?

Question

We have asked her not to call people but she won't stop. Now she is mad b/c we won't tell her when he is in the hospital. How do we get it through her head to not call people (even his ex)?

Answer 1

Well you could explain to her that the reason you don't tell her now is because you don't want everyone to know, and she tells everyone.

if she says okay, sorry, I won't do it anymore, then give her 1 more chance. If she then does it again, then never tell her again.  

Answer 2

this a controlling women who still thinks your husband is tied to her apron strings and she does whatever the h**l she wants but you have to put her in her place no matter what I have been through h**l and back with my MIL

Answer 3

Show the old bat the door.  If this guy is periodically hospitalized with heart and lung problems, the stress of his mother's interference is only contributing to the problem.  Good Luck

Answer 4

I think your husband's mother has never really let go of being 'her boy's' mother ... I think deep down there is a jealousy in her that you've 'taken him away' from her ..... I think you two have not really bonded as a MIL and DIL .... I think you should try to take her to one side and have a sympathetic talk with her - since your husband's in hospital perhaps you can have his doctor sit-in with you .... then the doctor can support what you say to your MIL .... perhaps during this conversation you can make your MIL your 'contact' for the outside world ... you are with your husband - in hospital - you tell HER what is going on - SHE makes contact and fields all calls - and then SHE tells YOU ... that way everyone knows what's happening but your husband's not getting calls all the time ... and you can concentrate on being with your husband and supporting him in his illness .... your MIL will feel she's doing her bit by supporting you, to support him...... I'm sure this would help your husband's recovery too if he's not stressing because he knows you two are at war ..... in times of need families need to pull together - not apart - try to get her to see this ....

PS - as for her telling people you two would rather not know, get her to understand how disrespectful she's being by disregarding your wishes - ask her to imagine how she'd feel if you did the same to her - would she feel 'loved' either?

But anyway, so what if they know, they can't change anything any more than you can .... you never know - sometimes help and support can come from the strangest of places ....

:)

Answer 5

You guys should keep not letting your MIL know that her son's in the hospital. If she blames you, then take the blame. She can't do anything about it. It won't change. You guys still have the respect for her, but she also needs to respect you guys too.

Answer 6

You are right. But you can be so right, you're wrong. So, be careful that you are doing what you have to do in a quiet manner without being nasty to her. She is your husband's mother. You must show respect even when she doesn't deserve it.

Actually, my sister and I were just talking about this last night - my Mom is in rehab. We agreed that, when we were each in the hospital for surgery the last couple of years, the last thing we wanted was a lot of people trooping through our rooms. People are in the hospital because they're SICK. While people are trying to be kind, they can end up placing an additional burden.

The better thing for people to do is to offer to babysit. Or wait until the patient is home and send good nutritious food so they don't have to shop or cook.  

Answer 7

Just let her know that he needs his rest, and that calling him all the time in the hospital wont help him to get better.

From the sounds of it, she might be feeling awful that perhaps her previous decisions have accounted for his current position, and it might be her way of helping.

Another option is that if you chat to the ward he is on, and ask the ward clerk not to put thru any calls from certain people, they wont allow them to go through. Very rarely in a hospital will you get a straight line to a patient's bed.

Hope it helps.  Some ppl try to help in the strangest ways :)