My Mom's moving on after my Dad's death, and I don't know how to handle it.

Question

My Dad died of metastatic colon cancer about a year and a half ago. Since then, my Mom has been lonely, but has had me my brother and my son Austin to keep her busy. She is a teacher, and has kept busy with that and with her friends too.

My parents met in 11th grade, and have never been with anybody but each other. I never thought I would even have to think about these kinds of things....

Towards the end of last school year she recieved a letter from a guy who she went to highschool with and they have been e-mailing. I thought I was okay with that, but he just flew in from LA (we live near Pittsburgh) to see her. She wants me to meet him. I am a total Daddy's girl and don't really like to see her moving on.

In anticipation for his arrival, she also had her house painted and gave away a sailboat that we had used as a family and had been promised to me. She said she wanted it out of her yard. It needed work, and i had found someone to do it, I just needed some time to get it moved.

She later told my brother that she just wanted it gone because of all the memories it held. Those memories are the reason I wanted it.

I haven't talked to her in almost a week. I feel like the family I knew is gone and will never be again. I am not so sure I want to be there to see everything change. I feel like she is wiping my dad completely away, and I hold on to dumb things cause I am a sentimental fool.

My brother tells me to talk to her, and also to give this new guy a chance. That she has made good decisions in the past, and I need to have faith in her. I am a little bit of a spazz, so I am afraid to go up there and make a complete fool of myself because it really wouldn't take much to set me off. What do I do?

Answer 1

You have every right to feel hurt.  It was selfish of your mom to get rid of that sailboat if it was yours.  You need to talk to her about how all this is making you feel.  Try not to fly off the handle.  She's still hurting from losing your dad and is probably trying hard not to let that show.  You will both feel better if you sit down and have a long talk about the situation.

Answer 2

Sorry for your lost :[

But i think your brother may be right. Give him a chance.

He might be a pretty nice guy.

And for all this change that your mother is doing is her way of getting throught it. Everybody deals with death different.

Hope everything turns out for the best!

:]

Answer 3

write her a letter. obviously your mom misses your dad too.

i know this is hard to think about after loosing a loved one, but life keeps moving and you have to learn to roll with the punches.

Answer 4

You really should talk to your mom.

It's OK to tell her you were hurt that she gave away the sailboat. You might be surprised to find out that it hurt her every day to look at it.

I will bet your mom misses your dad very much, and always will. Any new man in her life will NEVER replace your dad. Ever.

But what she is doing now is very healthy, and it's very normal. If you can take yourself out of the situation for a minute and really think about what it is you want for your mom, and what your mom might want for herself, maybe you will see things a different way. Although your mom has been "kept busy" for the past year and a half, she's been alone in a way that she probably didn't anticipate for herself. Being lonely is hard enough, but when you are simultaneously grieving the premature loss of a spouse, wow, that must be devastating.

If your mom is willing to try moving on, it's a healthy sign that she doesn't want to feel lonely and devastated anymore. Your dad would probably want her to try to find more happiness in her life now that he's no longer around to provide that for her. Honestly, that is true love if you ask me: That your dad would want her to be happy.

Answer 5

when I lost my mum and my dad moved on I found it very hard to deal with to

but your got to remember just because your mum is moving on does not mean she does did not or even does not love your dad but life goes on and your dad would wont your mum to be happy wouldnt he ?

Answer 6

Unfortunately, your father cant come back.

Its really c**p, but he cant return.

It would be very crushing to see your mom moving on after his death, but its all apart of life.

You dont want your mom to be lonely and sad all her life, right?

One day you and your brother will be out of the house and your mom will have no one.

Whether this guy she likes is THE one for her, only time will tell..

But give him a chance.

No one can EVER replace your dad. EVER. But the sad truth is, we cant bring him back, and Im sure your father would have wanted your mom to be happy for the rest of her life.

So yeah, give the new guy a chance. He may be really awesome, and a new relationship can form through that. He will never be your real dad, but he may bring happiness to your family which will be much more worth it than being lonely all the time.

Good luck with your problem!