My Mom just berated me for not buying a wedding band for my fiance yet -- is it really that horrible?

Question

We're getting married next Saturday, August 30th and I haven't bought my fiance's wedding band yet.

A couple weeks ago, I got a girlfriend to sign me onto the Army Base where fiance works. I purchased my band and was about to get his band, but they didn't have his size available. I calld and told him, so he said to just wait and he'd find a band later that fit and I could pay for it.

He forgot to look and I forgot because I live in a new state and have been desperately seeking a job, taking care of our sick dog, learning how to be an Army wife and dealing with life in general.

He told me not to worry about it, that we'd just buy after flying back home for the wedding.

Well, Mom found out that he doesn't have a ring and she made me feel really irresponsible and bad. She started saying it was my responsiblity and how could I not have a ring for him yet.

I told her what happened and it was not a big deal because fiance and I want plain, simple bands. She was still like, "So what are you going to do when you get up the altar and don't even have a band for him yet? That is so irresponsible. Why didn't you do this earlier? I don't care if you forgot and he told you that you guys would buy one this week. You should have done it earlier."

Answer 1

sorry to say but i agree with your mother. my mother would have said the same thing to me, in all honesty, and while i might have been upset at first, she'd pretty much be right. a wedding normally doesn't sneak up on you the way a birthday might or an anniversary... forgetting something as important and symbolic as a ring for an event that can take months to plan is a pretty huge deal. even plain, simple bands can take weeks to come in if they need to be specially ordered. blaming your inability to take care of this very easy step of buying a ring on having to deal with life is lame. your marriage is part of your life.  

Answer 2

you should have.

it's kind of a big deal and you may need to have it sized.

my fiance's ring has a design on it so it had to be orderd in his size from the wearhouse and that took about 6 weeks.

Not always the case though.

do highly suggest you get on it TODAY!!

there's no reason to feel bad about it, just make it a major prioity for the next two days.  

Answer 3

SHe is probably just stressed from the wedding, I'm guessing she has quite a bit of emotions invested in this wedding. It should have been done earlier, but all you can do now is take care of it. Get out with him the next chance you get and buy one. If he is working everyday until the wedding, find something in his size and make sure you can return it if it doesn't fit. Don't order it, it may not be there in time. Pick a day in the next few days and go around to different shops until you find something appropriate in his size. If your mother asks, tell her it is being taken care of and end the conversation.

Answer 4

Woah your mom stepped way over the line. From the way you are writing I suspect she does this often. You need to put your foot down and tell her, " Mom, I know you are under a lot of stress right now, but so am I. I still deserve to be treated with respect and dignity." Hopefully she will feel good that you acknowledged her stress and also respect your willingness to stand up to her. If she doesn't then it's her loss. You have bigger things to worry about right now like taking on an entire new life, lifestyle, husband, name. It's exciting and scary at the same time, but now is the time to let your mom know that you are a woman and she can either be your friend (which includes not berating you) or butt out of your life...

as for the ring....you will find one for him and there is no set "appropriate" time frame for buying him one. I picked my husbands out a few days before the wedding. (and it didn't fit him, haha, we laughed about it)

Answer 5

Wow.  Why is your mom spoiling for a fight?  It's none of her beeswax.  If the sitch is OK with your fiance and with you, then she should butt out.  The guy's ring is easy -- all they care about is that it's comfortable and it looks like every other guy's wedding band they have ever seen (i.e., plain and simple).  Your mom is trying to create drama where there is none.  Sorry you're having to deal with this while you've got real life issues to deal with - I hope your wedding goes smoothly otherwise, and that you have a very happy time.

Answer 6

I bought an engagement ring for my fiance and it took a few weeks to get it in, you need to act quickly on this. Most stores have to ship it in. They don't just do open stock of every size.

She's just upset you may not have one if you don't jump on it quickly.

Answer 7

You know, back in the day, men didn't wear wedding rings at all. The "double ring" ceremony is a relatively recent invention. So, you could always do it up old school.

The only downside, no pics of his new ring in your wedding album. But you will have a great story to tell about why!

Answer 8

Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, there are plenty of jewelry stores, and department stores and discount department stores to find a plain wedding band at. Shop around until you find one with the right gold content, right price, and the size. The only trouble you might find is if he wears a very small or very large band, and they would not have a lot of selection.

Gee, people have had trouble finding bands before, and there are substitutes that will do you until you get the real thing, people fold up silver gum wrappers for a substitute, use cigar bands, borrow a ring for a few minutes. It just goes in the book of good memories of the special day.

Mom needs to butt out. It's his ring, and if he is cool about it, where is the problem?  

Answer 9

You can run to a local Walmart and get a simple Band for the Ceremony and then get a real one after wards!

I know some people who ran out of money(waiting til the last minute) and they did that!

Answer 10

You will want a band for your ceremony, because it symbolizes

your union.  Just get a simple band this week!  They have them

at Wal-mart or Sam's Club, even!  Just get one!  If they don't have one,

in the right size, just get one a little too small and take it to the jewelry store, they will put it on a ring sizer and tap on it to stretch it a little bit.  

Answer 11

I'm afraid that I'm leaning to Mom's side of the issue.  Maybe she didn't need to bawl you out but I'm pretty sure you've known for more than a week that the wedding was August 30th.  You had LOTS of time to get the ring ordered and in your possession.  How does one 'forget' something like that?  We all have 'life' happening and manage to get things dealt with in time.

Having said this, it's not the end of the world.  Not all weddings even HAVE the bride put a band on the groom's finger.  Ask your pastor to do a single ring ceremony and nobody will even know the difference.

You dodged the bullet on this one.  I hope it is a learning experience for you.  And, most of all, good luck at your wedding and best wishes for a happy marriage!

Answer 12

yeah that is horrible if you intend on putting on his finger during the ceremony.  it took 2 1/2 weeks to get our bands in.  Some jewelery stores need to order them if they don't stock them.