My Mother Did not Name My Father?

Question

The Adoption Agency tell me that My mother did not name my father and so his name does not appear on my original birth certificate. I did get a description of him with regard to race ethnicitiy height weight hair color and general stuff like that though so she must've known who he was.

I'm just wondering what this means. Why would a woman not name the father?

I was born in 1970 btw

Answer 1

Many women who relinquish do not name the father.  Some of them don't name him because they truly do not know.  

Others don't name them because they themselves think he might contest the adoption.  Still others refrain from naming him because the agencies mention that it is "unwise" (this is HIGHLY unethical in my opinion, but it happens).  These two reasons were the basis for one of the questions I posted asking about pre-birth relinquishment for fathers.  Perhaps if mothers and agencies felt more secure about the father not interfering with the adoption, then women wouldn't be as reluctant to name them, and the records could be better kept.  After all, it's not as if "unnamed" fathers are ever getting the chance to claim their paternal rights.  Still, many people have answered there that this is a bad idea, and they have a point to.  Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about this unless we actually make pre-marital (and extra-marital) s*x illegal, with the death penalty for punnishment.

Answer 2

He may have been married or it may simply be that he wronged her, and she decided not to put his name down through principle.

Answer 3

Maybe she was underage at the time and didn't want to get him in trouble?

Maybe her parents/family/friends were against him being with her.

Maybe she didn't want him to find out that she was giving away his kid.

Answer 4

I'm not trying to be smart aleck about it but: Maybe he was NOT your father and she wasn't for sure who it was.

If you ever do find the man your talking about, the only way is to have a DNA test.

Answer 5

A. She didn't want to have him knowing about you and in that case probably didn't want him in your life.

B. She was scared for her own life if he knew.

C. He refused that he was the father, and not until the early 80's was it possible to force a paternity test with lawyers and what not.

Answer 6

H,

My father is not on my OBC either.  When I told her this, she was surprised.

I have seen my file however, and not only is his name all over it, but so are his parents, siblings, etc.

I was born in the early 60s in MI.

Answer 7

Heather,

I think the answer is innocuous.  Joslin is thinking of much more recent times.

Back in 1970, fathers did not have to be named.  The birth was "illegitamate," and the father did not claim you as his own.  Thus, he will not show up on your birth certificate and the agency had no reason to put his name down.

-Tobit

Answer 8

I lied about the fathers name on my daughters birth certificate. They were pushing hard for names. One for him and one for her. I refused to name her so she could have only one name, (assuming it would be changed)  and I lied about his so that MY family could not find him or her. I was protecting both of them. I did not want my family involved in either of their lives. I realize now how dangerous that was in case I passed away. She would have been left with no clue as to how to find him. She would have been looking for a guy who's name came right off a cigarette pack. He is a wonderful man, there's more to the story, but that could be why.

Answer 9

It's my understanding that this was often done if the father was a married man, or if he otherwise would be embarrassed or even prosecuted-like if your mom was underage and he was older.  

Unfortunately, this has been historically a pretty common practice for us b******s.  I'm sorry that info is missing for you, that really sucks.

Answer 10

Generally, it is because she:

Doesn't know his name.  (Brief encounter/one night stand.)

Wants to "protect" someone.

He was married.

She was reluctant/afraid to involve him.

Rape.

She was embarrassed.

She felt like he might contest the adoption, so she did not name him.

Hope this helps.  It was likely for what she thought was a good reason.  I'm sorry that it leaves such a question for you, though.

Answer 11

hmmmm maybe there was  a reason why she didnt want u to find him?

Answer 12

Maybe he was married and your mother did not want to hurt him.  I have seen this happen before.

Answer 13

what julie said

wow heather, that bites :-(

many women didn't name fathers because of the circumstances surrrounding the pregnancy, many parents told their sons not to allow his name to be placed on the certificate, some moms were told by the adoption agencie not to name the father, et al...

in other words, it's so many reasons...

Answer 14

what comes to mind for me is 1 of 2 things she either wasn't sure who the father is or she knows but he was a bad guy and didn't want him in your life.

Answer 15

He was probably a bad guy, and your mom might of not wanted you to get in contact, to keep you safe.  I am sorry, that sucks!

Answer 16

Mine isn't listed either though the agency was fully aware of who he was and we're pretty sure they contacted him for family history as there is information in my file that my firstmom did not supply.

Father's names are not placed on the birth certificate as a round about way of circumventing their rights.  No father on the birth certificate, nobody needed to sign any papers.  Just some "Unknown"  (that's what it said on my original birth certificate) not worth contacting.

The weird thing is that my aparents were told that my first parents were very much in love and still together at my birth.  All of it was true.  My firstparents were in a steady relationship before and throughout her pregnancy.

The really sad thing in my case is that my father actually proposed to my firstmom and she accepted.  She went away and he thought she was coming back with me and they were getting married.  She had told him she would call him when she went into labor.  I came two weeks early and her caseworker talked her out of calling him.  What a shock for him when she returned to their home town without me and learned I'd been placed for adoption.  I think that's when he contacted the agency without her knowledge.  My aparents had been told that my biodad had "second thoughts" my firstmom was unaware of any of this.

Anyhoo, my biodad can't answer any of my questions because he died several years ago and nobody in his family is talking.  I was sad to learn he wasn't listed on my original birth certificate.  It hurts a little and makes me feel bad for him.  From the info I have been able to gather, he was just a naive young man who was duped by everybody.  I guess he really wanted to meet me someday, and he never got to.  That's sad for both of us.

Answer 17

In some states un-wed mothers are not allowed to put a father's name on the birth certificate.  Some women might just say any man was the father, so I think this is a legal thing.

Answer 18

Maybe he was the milkman?  J/K I don't know why she wouldn't his name, maybe she just didn't want him to have much to do with you.

Answer 19

LMAO...."so she must've known who he was".

What did he do ?....drug her ?

Answer 20

my mom did not name my father eather, my grand mother was the one who named my father.

Answer 21

Maybe he did something very wrong by her.

If your mother is around ask her.

Answer 22

My birthmother also did not name my birthfather on my birth certificate.  It's hard to guess why a woman wouldn't name the birthfather.  He might have denied he's the birthfather, she might not be certain who the birthfather is (that was my birthmother's case), if he's a married man he might have told her not to put his name on the certificate, if she was raped she might not know the identity of the man,  she might not have put his name on because it would cause her or him problems.  There are too many reasons to consider, these are just some off the top of my head.  It might simply be because the birthfather "dumped" her when he found out she was pregnant so she decided to deny him the right to be identified as your birthfather.

Answer 23

maybe he would not have wanted to go along with the adoption...naming him would have given him rights

Answer 24

She probably didn't name the father because he was unwilling to take part in your raising/support.  This may not be want you want to hear, but it is likely your mom gave you up for adoption because she was unable to raise you on her own and the man who fathered you was unwilling to help nor were family members.  That is a common scenerio.

If the father was unwilling to have part in your upbringing, she may have thought he didn't need to be named because it wouldn't accomplish anything.  

My friend when I was younger gave her child up for adoption.  She did not name the father on the certificate though she knew who he was.  When he found out she was pregnant, he told her that if she didn't get an abortion, he wanted nothing to do with her.  When he found out she was going to carry the baby to term, he moved out of state and she never heard from him again.

Answer 25

There may be more than one possibility.   Can you contact her, if not directly, thru the agency, for more info?  Perhaps she felt he would not be a good person for you to have in your life if you were to search for him (drugs, alchohol, crime, mental issues, or just plain nastiness).  She may have held a lot of anger toward him, perhaps didn't feel he deserved the right to be on the certificate.  Perhaps he didn't want anything to do with the entire situation, he may have been young and frightened.    People make all kinds of decisions when they are young, and hopefully you will be able to forgive them if you are angry at them for anything they did wrong in the handling of this situation.  But forgiving them is for your own peace of mind - it will help you go on with your life more easily.

Answer 26

maybe she didn't know who the father was...or maybe she hated him?

Answer 27

Hi Heather,

I agree that she must know who your father is if she described him.  I pray the day will come soon when you will get to reunite with her and she can share with you her real reasons.  As for possible reasons his name was left off of your original birth certificate, I have a few ideas:

1)  It could have been at the advice of a social worker who was trained at the height of the baby scoop era to try to omit father's names in order to facilitate the adoption procedings.  (I know of several cases where they were made to use aliases, particularly the mother.)

2)  It might have been because he requested to be left off for his own reasons such as marital status or to escape responsibility.

3)  Depending on your parents' ages at the time of your birth, it could have been that she did not want to get him in trouble for s*x w/a minor.

4)  Their relationship could have broken up by the time of your birth, and there could have been hard feelings between them that might have led her to change her mind about naming him on your certificate.

5)  Somebody may have simply taken the option of naming the father away from her and if she had the opportunity, she would have named him.

6)  Maybe she did name him & somebody else, knowing that you were going to be placed for adoption, decided for her that it would be better omitting his name, and she doesn't know that he has been left off?

7)  Maybe she was given faulty legal advice saying that adopted babies don't get their fathers named on their OBC's?

Again, these are only guesses.  If I can think of any further possible scenarios, I'll edit this later.  I'm sorry Heather, that none of us can say exactly why his name was left off.  It's wrong, and I'm sorry.  Everyone deserves to know who their parents are.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 28

Well back in the 70s it was considered a burden to be a single unwed mother.  Maybe she hated your father and just didn't put his name on. Or maybe he promised her something and he wasn't there.  There are lots of reasons. Unfortuntly for the children of these situations it's the mother's choice whether to have the birth father listed or not. There is no law in the USA that says that the father HAS to be put on the birth certificate.

Answer 29

she is probobly ashamed of him

if your (birth) mother is still alive, ask her about it

and good luck finding your father!

Answer 30

maybe he was married?

maybe she didnt tell him about you?

  maybe he decided then that he didnt want to be found down the road and they decided the best way was to not name him?

I hope you find out, good luck!