My Mum doesn't approve of the way I am with my little boy...

Question

We're staying at her house at the moment. He's been coming into my bed for the passed couple of nights because he's scared - he's not used to staying here. She seems to think that he's too old to hold my hand and sit on my knee. He's 7. We went to some garden centre today and he was really bored so I started to play with him (we played hide and seek) and she said that was disgraceful and that I treat him more like my best mate than my son.

She says that I give in to him too easily even though she was the one who gave him cola to drink today despite my strict rules on fizzy and sugary drinks.

Do you think this is an incorrect parenting method? I'm starting to worry now. Him and myself have a close relationship, and I'm wondering whether she's right about him being like my friend.

Answer 1

Your mother should butt out, it's none of her business how you raise your son (with whom you are not doing anything wrong with).

Answer 2

Are you visiting or living there temporarily? If you're living there, maybe mom is blowing off steam at little things rather than being upfront about things.

Holding hands and lap sitting is fine. It's not bad to treat him as a friend as long as you are a parent too. If you were getting really obnoxious in public I see her point, but I'm sure you werent. You can't cater to him too much though.

Sleeping in your bed? No, I disagree with that too. He's a bit big for that, especially when it's grandma's house.

Do you give in too easy? We don't know. Did she know no soda allowed? Ask her politely not to do it again.

In the end it's her house, so you need to stand your ground, but if you're living there, you'll have to eat a little c**p since she's supporting you.

Answer 3

it sounds like you have a very good relationship with your son keep doing what you re doing

Answer 4

Try to expalain politely that he's your son, but you apperciate her advice. But maybe you should wean him off the sleeping in your bed.

Give him lots of praise and attention , and don't give him attention ) shouting) if he is naughty . good luck!

Answer 5

Well I wouldn't play hide and seek with my kids in a store, either, but to each his own. I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as you punish him when he's getting into trouble and not just blowing it off.

Answer 6

no i think it's good it will help late on. trust me me and my mom were that same way as long as you remeber that your are the parent later on and are able to stand your grond on things when he gets older it's a good thing

Answer 7

no i dont think its wrong, my 11 yr old does this occasionally if hes afraid and both my boys 11 and 15 despite being quite normal lads still give me a hug and a cuddle.  more worrying to me is that she is not respecting yr rules re fizzy drinks and undermining yr wishes.    i can understand yr not wanting him to have them my daughter is same with her nearly 2 yr old, shes very careful what he eats and doesnt let him have chocolate or fizzy drinks also careful with his food as she herself has a bowel prob and she wants to give him best chance of not having anything like that. however his other grandma seems to still give him things that are forbidden when there is no need a 2 yr old doesnt need coke and/or chocolate.    

what on earth is wrong with playing hide and seek with yr child particulalrly as he is a n only child i think its yr mum that has the problem playing with yr kids is quite normal  i have 3 so they play togehter however if by chance just one is at home i will play something with him or do something with him its quite normal so pls dont worry sounds like u r doing a good job.  

Answer 8

i think you and your son have a beautiful relationship and she probably took a lot of critisism as a parent herself...so doesn't know any different. i would say carry on as you are, nobody knows a son better than his mother, so enjoy it, i definately intend on running about playing games with my son, can't wait.

Answer 9

i would tell her to butt out

Answer 10

she is wrong. him being your pal is great. it means there is a true bond there. sitting on your lap is no big deal. tell mum to mind her own life.  

Answer 11

How you treat and educate your son is entirely up to you. You can listen to your mum's advice but always have to do as you feel is best. Of course you have to be objective and see what is best for YOUR CHILD. But you do not sound to me like a irresponsible mum. It is wonderful if you have a good relationship with your son and he considers you "friend" as well as parent.

Is it possible that your mum is jealous because she might not have had such a close relationship with you?

Your boy is never too old to cuddle, hold hands or play with you. They grow up far too quickly anyway, you should treasure moments like that! With regards to sleeping in your bed: again, it is completely up to you how long you want him to do that and if it does not bother you then so be it! I have two kids and they never sleep with me ... but it is our personal choice. When my daughter wakes up I go into her room and calm her and comfort her and send her back to sleep.

Mums can be too much sometimes - they have their views on education but it might not be the same as yours. Your mum should respect your decisions and you have to be strong enough to see that what you are doing is not wrong and therefore you should carry on with it.

;-)  

Answer 12

I think its none of her business. Tell her to stay out of it. You are his mother. My kids are my friends as well but that is a good thing. They respect me and we enjoy having fun. Dont let your mother take that away from you

Answer 13

Just remember you are the parent, not her.

nfd♥

Answer 14

You arent doing any parenting wrong, whats wrong with bonding by playing hide and seek with your son? She shouldnt tell you how to be a parent. She needs to leave you alone.

Answer 15

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing, you sound like a great mum.  Your son clearly loves and trusts you, and it's obvious why.  Please don't listen to your mother.

It's fine for him to sleep in your bed.  7 is young, ignore people who say otherwise, they are being silly.

I don't know anyone who won't allow their 7 year old to sleep in the bed when scared.

Answer 16

I think its normal for him to want to come into your bed especially in this situation. A lot of children have a hard time with change and I'm sure as soon as you get your own place and hes comfortable, he'll stay in his bed again.

I think its awesome that you and your son are so close. As long as he still understands that you are the parent and you are in charge. Its a risky method but I think it might be worth it in some respects because if he really does get in trouble when he's older (like drugs or something) he'll feel comfortable enough to come to you and tell you. Don't worry about what your mom says, she should just mind her business, you're doing just fine!

Answer 17

Mothers always disapprove because they always think they did it perfectly. Find your own house as soon as you can and bring up your son the way you find best, I am still best friends with my 3 children who are all grown up now, true I wouldn't encourage him sleeping with you at 7. Maybe sit with him for a while at bedtime read a story then lights out.  

Answer 18

Hi,

Being a parent doesn't come with a manual! We all have our own parenting styles when it comes to bringing up our children.

Children can grow into being friends and that good that you and your son have a close bond.

I don't see what the problem is as long as you discipline him when needed and make him face some of his fears of being in a new home. It not to torture him, it is to get him to be independent.

But it sounds like he a happy little boy and that what we need more of in this world, especially this day and age.

Next time your mother criticises you say to her 'Thanks for your advice mum, but I feel I doing best for me and my son. I know you have your opinions but instead of criticising me, support me, join in the fun'  You could ask her how she would have felt if her friends/family criticised the way she brought you up!

Keep making your son smile, you doing fine.

Lx  

Answer 19

I heard that little boys who are shown a lot of affection, grow up to be more masculine and loving towards females...your Mother is ofthe generation that thought that boys had to be tough all the time.

Answer 20

you're fine - but i wouldn't let him sleep with me - just because it'll be harder when you get your own place

Answer 21

I have the same problems, I'm judged because my daughter who is 2 1/2 is kissed and cuddled all the time,we dance and play together and i rarely discipline her, basically she is my bestfriend. My sister never plays with her children, she spends her whole day cleaning the house whilst they have to amuse there selves, she gives them sweets an crisps to keep them quiet then for the smallest thing she'll shout and go into a rage, yes they go to bed on time,yes they listen to her, but they see her as a boss not a loving parent.

My family thinks she's this great mother as her children have rules and order, but to me its far more important to love your child,teach them and look after their health, studies prove that!.

at the end of the day my house is a mess at times, and my daughter clings to me alot, but i love to see her happy and smiling.

your son is 7!! he' not too old to hold your hand or sit on your knee!

I read an article that researched in to depression, they discovered that children who had plenty of affection and love, grew up to have alot more confidence and self worth.

ignor your mother he's your child.

PS I THOUGHT I MIGHT ADD THAT MY DAUGHTER IS SO WELL BEHAVED COMPARED TO OTHER CHILDREN WHO'S PARENTS I KNOW ARE STRICT.

Answer 22

Keep doing what your doing you and your son are comfortable with it ,my 10 year old son still finds his way into our bed at night it's just something that's he's always done and we don't mind him coming in,it's none of your mum's business he's your son,maybe your mum is feeling left out or she disapproves of your behaviour because of the way you were brought up were you and your mum close when you were younger  

Answer 23

I think you are being a wonderful parent to your little one.  Who would in their right mind bash a mother for being attentive and loving?  Boys learn empathy from their moms, he will grow up to be a fine and caring individual.

Moms love to do this to their kids(meaning you).  lol  No disrespect to your mom, but I think she has intimacy issues and is living in a generational nightmare.  Does she have a hard time giving out hugs?  I think this is why she feels so uncomfortable with how you interact with your son.  Tell your mom you love her and give her a hug.  Sounds like she needs one.  lol

Keep up the great job!  You'll be out of her house eventually.

Answer 24

You sound like a perfectly good mother.  It sounds to me like your Mum is a teensy bit jealous?

Answer 25

your a good mum as long as you and your son are happy that's fine just because your not parenting your son like your mum  did with you doesn't mean its wrong.don't worry I'm sure your a great mum.

Answer 26

You should be friends with your children, but you also need to know where the line is.  It sounds to me like you have a great grasp on both sides.  You're a "fun mom".  That's awesome!  You know when to be tough (sugary drinks) but also soft (scared to sleep in an unfamiliar place).  Just bide your time with your mother.  You're doing a great job and your son will thank you for being this kind of mom someday.

Answer 27

He is your son and you should be free to bring him up the way you want. Parents always think they know best but they do not.

I would stop him from coming into your bed though because that can be a very hard habit to break, and you won't always want him in your bed.

Answer 28

your doing fGreat. When it comes down to it you know your child better than anyone. You know more about how he is feeling right now staying in a new place and you know what will help him make the transition easier.

Playing hide and seek out is fine, the whole fact of the matter is he is only 7 and his mom wants to play with him. That is awesome!

Moms will always have opinions on how we should be doing something. But the nice thing is you are his mom. So the only opinion that is needed is your own.

Good luck

Answer 29

no i dont think so..i wouldn't want him to sleep in the same bed as me, but i can understand the first few nights at a new place but after that it's time to sleep in his bed again.......well i dont see how u parent in real life so i don't know if u give in too easy......but i can tell u that my mom says stuff (not always too mine and my older brother face) about how we raise our kids that she dosen't agree with or would do different, and it gets very annoying....i think people want to just give advice, but too me it's rude....i growing up never questioned how someone raised their kid. so i dont see why ppl do that. ...i don't think anythings wrong with being close to your kid, as long as he still knows your the parent and you make the rules.... and your mom could be envious of your relationship with your kid, maybe she didn't have that with u. .....i would just listen to her, but kinda let it go in one ear and out the other. thats what i do.

Answer 30

Regardless of whether she agrees with the way you do things or not,YOU are the mom.Not her..You make the rules and things should be done your way.I would be telling my mother to mind her own business & let me raise my child my way..I know how that is.My mother & I had problems like that.I tried to say it nicely the first few times,then had to just let her have it.She was upset but it did help.

Answer 31

God no, I hope to have the same relationship with my little boy. He is 2 and a half at the moment, but I hope when he is 7 he will still want to hold my hand and give me cuddles. When he grows up I would like to think that he can talk to me about anything, and having the sort of relationship that you have with your son will hopefully ensure that. Your mother really shouldn't criticise you, you sound like a wonderful mum. Tell her it could be worse, you could be letting him out on the streets terrorising your neighbours!