My Mum is SOOOO RUDE to everyone including my husband, should she go?

Question

I am tired because for 6 yrs I put my life on hold and gave all my salary to my mum and even took loans to help her and yet she didn.t really need the help - the truth was that things were not as bad as she made out. She never started any of the businesses she claimed she would, my husband and I never saw any of the money. It's taken me this long to realise I was being fooled now I made the decision to go to University she was upset because the bank of me was closed, we fell out and she said she wasn't going to work. We gave her another chance but all she's done like last time is lie to friends and relatives. If it were not for my siblings I wouldn't bother keeping in touch with her. She is VERY mean and RUDE and doesn't care that she's speaking to my husband. We have decided she should go because I can't stand the lies anymore, it puts me down. I have gained so much weight again sine she's been around because I eat for comfort.

I just want to cut her out of my life completely. She also likes to use emotional blackmail and now when she tries to say I'll stop working I just say go ahead- you'll suffer not me.

I have had enough. I feel like I don't have a mum. She says so much to put me down and make me upset and there are always fights. I've told her I've had enough she has to move out earlier than planned. Am I right? I don't call her much because she ends up fighting and it's not just me, it's the same with other relatives. I have tried speaking to her but it's not helping.

Answer 1

Distance yourself from her for a while, if not forever.

My aunt is very rude and hurtful.I distance myself.I only have to see her twice a year.I don't call her.I don't go to her house.I only see her on Christmas.I recently had to see her because one of our relatives passed away.My aunt's daughter had to distance herself from her for many years.

Sometimes we have to distance ourself from hurtful relatives.As much as it pains us, we sometimes have to do it so that we can be happier.So get some time away from her and live your life to the fullest with your husband.And I wish you many blessings in your studies at the university.Do well.Be successful.

Answer 2

your mom has done alot for you when you were a kid, and whatever you've done of crying and other things she never gave up on you...you shouldn't give up on her now..i think you should tell her how you feel politely, and just talk to her..make her understand, if that doesn't work, ask her to leave politely, so you still can be in touch with her...your and your siblings are all she got now...

Answer 3

You have done so much for her already, at your expense, and she has never been grateful or respectful.... what will change if you continue helping her?

Nothing.  Except maybe your health and marriage will be ruined.

Cut her off, if you want to send her a letter explaining why or speak to her directly, do so... but maybe with someone to witness/support you.

Keep it simple, have a sentence that you can repeat calmly and don't get drawn into her  emotional blackmail.

"I cannot continue having you in my life, you drain me emotionally, physically and financially.  I just want some space."

Then be firm and don't let other family members try to run interference - she will probably manipulate them too, to try and get at you.

Good luck, what you are doing is tough, but right.

Answer 4

My wife had similar problems with her grandmother, she was even evil old wench and wasn't happy unless she was making others miserable, she verbally abused my wife so much, to the point she has very little confidence, wasn't allowed any friends, comfort eats and if it wasn't for the fact my wife found the courage to stand up to her she would have driven me away.

Get your husband to back you up and tell her to get out of your home and your life, you don't need her bringing you down.

Good luck.

Answer 5

It is better to cut her out from your family, and lead a happy life of your own with your Husband.

Answer 6

you need to cut her out seriously even if it is just for a while, so that she knows you're serious and cannot take it anymore. It will keep affecting you emotionally nd phisically if you dont get away or at leat talk to her so that she can change