My New Poem, How is it?

Question

Wanting to spit out the jarred thoughts is

Because there's no other proof of my existence

My future that I should've grabbed hold is

Conflicting between "dignity" and "freedom"

Wanting to erase the distorted afterimage is

Because I'll see my limit over there

In the window of the excessively self-conscious me

There are no dates in last year's calendar

Erase and rewrite

The pointless ultra-fantasy

The unforgettable sense of being

Revive

Rewrite

Even meaningless imagination is the driving force that creates you

Give it your whole body and soul

After cutting my feelings that grew, I cry

After realizing that after all, I'm just a mediocrity, I cry

Erase this depressed heart, this dirty lie

And rewrite

Answer 1

Loved this...the intro was great, and the momentum built up as I read it...it got better and better and better. Awesome. this is the best i've read all night! Hope to read more of your work.

Answer 2

I got hung up on the first two stanzas where there are the unnecessary 'is's. I love the vocabulary though, rewrite... I like it. Stay Strong.

Answer 3

I think I've heard this poem before - there was girl who used to write about not being able to write in my theatre group.  I don't have any sympathy, and I don't think a lot of writers and readers of literature do either (not that it means anything to you, but I think they're right about this one.)  Don't be gratuitously post-modern - instead, follow your own advice before the advice becomes the poem.

Otherwise, the rhythm and flow are nice.  You can indeed write a poem - I just want the ultra-fantasy or perhaps the imagination to manifest itself in content other than writing about writing.

Answer 4

i never made any poem before but,  that's really good i think