My Partner And His Son?

Question

My partner of two years said this morning that I act like I dont want his son around.

He is right, should i tell him upfront and end the relationship? Or are there any alternatives that dont involve us splitting up?

(Don't attack me either mothers I am asking for the good of all three of us not just me.)

Answer 1

It all depends on how important this relationship is to you.

If this guy is really special, then you need to work at learning to love his son. You also need to talk to your partner about the issue. You can say something like "It's not that I don;t want him around, but I like to have an equal amount of time with just the two of us together."

It's true that since this guy is a Dad you are going to have to learn to share him, and to do it without resentment. The child needs to feel welcomed in your home. If you can't do this, then yes, you should end the relationship, because there is nothing but unhappiness for you all on this road.  

Answer 2

just let him go. let him find someone who deserves him, and his son.  

Answer 3

i totally understand your situation and can only tell you noone has a right to judge you. being is a stepmother is one of the hardest things one can deal with.

you should be honest with your partner, but you dont have to be ruthless. you can tell him that on the one hand you wish that his son wouldnt be around, then things would probably be much easier and tell him that you are not proud of feeling this way. if there is a reason more than just natural resentment, you can also explain him that. you also should tell him that you love him very much and are willing to be nice to the boy and accept him just for him. and that it is up to him to decide whether this is good enough or not. I think that to be in a relationship like this both of you need to decide how far you will go to make another person happy. it is all about sacrifices. remember, that you dont owe anyone anything and that all you have done and still do was to be with your partner. he needs to understand and appreciate that.

EDIT:

"DID U NOT KNOW WHAT U WERE GETTING INTO WHEN U STARTED GOING OUT WITH YER MAN?" - this is a ridiculous comment, there is no one woman in the world who is prepared to deal with another womans and her mans child as if it is a natural thing.

Maternal instincts?? Please! Maternal instincts come with being a mother and just with ANY child.

Answer 4

The main thing here is that your partner has a son that he'll want to maintain contact with. If you are no willing to accept that then you are no way going to be able to sustain the relationship.

Answer 5

You should just walk away. The child is going no where. At least you're smart enough to know and admit that you don't want to be with the child. Now you need to do something about it. Doesn't make you a bad person, makes you an honest person.

Answer 6

You should leave then because the kid is not going any where so you will always feel this way.

Answer 7

My partner and my son clash, because my partner is jealous of my son, and he too, behaves like he would prefer him not to be here. My son is 16, and I have been with my partner over ten years.

It came to a crisis 5 years ago, when my partner accused me of loving my son more than I loved him.

I told him that was true; that it if it came to a choice between them, I would of course choose my son.

You don't say how old the child is, or how long you are together - but remember one thing...blood IS  thicker than water. Giving a child things

is not the way to show you care about them. Anyone can do that. Get to know him, his likes and dislikes, his fears. Talk to him, listen to him.

If you feel you have no real feelings for the child, maybe it's time to explore how serious your relationship is or if you want it to continue.

Answer 8

End the relationship...you are in a lose lose position. He will pick his child over you in a heartbeat.

It is OK to not want children around...but I suggest you meet a man that has none.....then no lives are ruined.

Answer 9

i think you should end this..smiply your not happy cuz of his son being around but what other choice dose he really have? if your not gonna be understanding to his life commentment, then you should move on and find someone w/out kids. its not fair for all 3 of you to be unhappy.

Answer 10

Boarding school? Try harder?

If you can't fix the problem, then you should end things, it will only get worse.

Answer 11

your partner comes with a package deal if you don't have any maternal instinct towards the child then end it now. a child knows when they aren't wanted. this can cause more harm than good. there is no mention of love for the child either. you just aren't ready.  

Answer 12

IM NOT A MOTHER BUT I STILL THINK UR A CRUEL WOMAN.. HOW COULD U BE SO MEAN TO THE CHILD THAT THE FATHER NOTICED AND HAD TO SAY TO U...

DID U NOT KNOW WHAT U WERE GETTING INTO WHEN U STARTED GOING OUT WITH YER MAN??

I THINK UR BEST TO JUST WALK AWAY AN LEAVE HIM TO FIND SOME ONE WHO WILL LOVE THE WHOLE PACKAGE.. HIS SON INCLUDED