My Poem: You like??

Question

I just got braces! They put them on last year.

Before I sat down in that chair I felt a surge of fear.

The doctor had some gooey past, like playdoh, or like clay.

Before he put it in my mouth I thought I heard him say....

"Your teeth are going sideways, and now I'll take some molds,

So just still and wait a while and do as you are told!"

He put the goop against my teeth, I thought that I would puke.

And then he did the bottom teeth...I think he was a kook!!

He got some wire, got some glue, and then began his work.

It hurt so bad, the poking did, so I thought, "He's such a jerk!"

Then after an hour or two, of painful jabs and cuts.

I looked into the mirror and said, "You are such a nut!"

He looked and me confused, and gave me some papers.

They said I had to stay away from hard candy and capers.

I read it over carefully and then came to a stop!

I couldn't have no bubble gum?! To chew or to pop?!?!

I threw the papers on the ground and said, "I hate these things!"

Answer 1

I like it, A lot of tens can relate to this poem b/c a lot of us have had braces. Its funny to.

Answer 2

it's good.

Answer 3

this is a good peom, but for some advice try more rhyming and put each sentences in fewer words, manyyyy people have had braces..so you dont have to explain everything in such detail. keep on writing! maybe one day, you'll get far : )

Answer 4

Very, very nice.  Very Seussian.  Keep working on it, and get those few flaws of meter out.  I encourage you to continue along this line.  I laughed out loud.

Answer 5

Some of the rhymes seemed a bit forced,

ex. from your work, "I think he was a kook!!"

"To chew or to pop?!?!"

Keep working on it! And remember, delete revise delete, even things that you like, delete them if they dont help your direction!

Answer 6

its very good and amusing, but you may want to spend a bit more time on the rythm.