My Poem~please comment!=D?

Question

These shadows on my hands,

These memories in my soul…

The only way I knew,

I didn’t want what you offered.

Why should I need your affection?

Or your smiles.

Possession was all I ever needed.

A game to be completed,

A heart to be owned.

The only way I knew…

My days alone.

Never speaking.

Never laughing.

Only ever watching.

Those rare trickles of laughter seem rare to me now.

I think you forgot

When we met.

I know I did this to you…

I know how I made you become like me.

It was the only way we knew.

Answer 1

This comes from a person who has troubles trusting others.  I see a since of selfishness with honesty.  And sadness.

Answer 2

Those rare trickles of laughter seem rare to me now.

What?! Something rare seems rare? Yes. You mean 'seem even rarer'

As sentences alone, your words are nice. As a poem, they are a bit bad.

Answer 3

nice

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Answer 4

Perhaps make it slightly more clear what you are trying to say because you jump from emotion to emotion, only really explaining the first one.

However, I do think it is a good poem and I can relate to the first 2 stanzas.

Answer 5

It doesn't make any sense!

Answer 6

Starts well, and some good ideas. Becomes a little muddled towards the end, and veers into straight prose.

I'd suggest trying to connect more to the feelings of the situation u r trying to express, rather than the evidence of it. If that makes any sense!

(freely ignore my words if you disagree of course)

Answer 7

I really really like it. Don't listen to the haters!

Perhaps you could get rid of the first 'rare' on the 1st line of the 4th stanza. I think it would flow better and you would avoid repeating the word. But it's completely up to you love!

Answer 8

luv it :)

Answer 9

you know i like how u put it together i actually  felt the emotion i really like it thats how i feel, u should publish it

Answer 10

Really good!!!

help me out here!

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