My Stepfather is too controlling...should I say something? Advice please!?

Question

So I need some advice. I’m 22 and I just moved in with my Mom and her husband, whom is a very nice man and I get along with and have a close relationship with. But since we’re living together, I find myself getting aggravated with him everyday. He constantly wants to be the man of the house, and likes things his way. He does not get along with some of my relatives and says they are not welcome in the household, which I don’t think is fair. We rented this apartment together, I’m on the lease. It’s just the little things, like if I eat the last of something he acts like it’s his because he bought it. He doesn’t like people visiting, keeps the blinds closed, and hasn’t unpacked anything really yet unless my mom yells at him (we’ve been living here a month or so now). I feel like he’s trying to change me, it’s his way or the highway, and it’s creating a negativity in my household that I am uncomfortable with. He says I smoke too much and he keeps making my Mom promises that I don’t see him working towards fulfilling. I’m trying to be positive about this new change and embrace it, but she’s talking to me in confidence and is unhappy as well. He’s so hard to live with! They’ve tried living together once before, and it didn’t work out, so this is round two. I don’t know if I should say something to him about lightening up, or if I should just let it go? I don’t want to cause any issues, but he’s bringing me down and I don’t like his rules. What should I do?

Answer 1

Keep a positive attitude and do what you want (within reason). Unpack his stuff for him, and invite your friends over constantly.

Answer 2

I think your mother and her husband need to go for marriage counselling in order to improve their satisfaction with each other.

But your presence there makes things a lot more complicated.  Because he needs to get along well not just with his wife but also with you.  And this kind of makes things twice as complicated.

I suggest that you find some flat-mates who are unrelated to you.  Then you will be able to rent with them on equal basis.  And you'll have to respect each other's wishes in common areas of the apartment.

Answer 3

You and your mother should have a talk with him.  Your name is on the lease, so he cant be the rule maker.  And if push comes to shove! your and your mom should get a place of your own.  Or you should find a roommate and get out! If he hasn't unpacked by now, he's waiting for something to happen.  Your mom should have thought twice before marring him. If you two let him have his way and give in all of the time he will take advantage of you.  Lay down some of your own rules! But refuse to have a conversation with him if hes yelling and trying to bully his way through everything!  Don't let your mom go weak on ya! get a back bone and stick to your gun's!  

Answer 4

Your name is on that lease, so this is your home too. Unless you aren't paying your part of the bills, you need to tell him you are the roommate, not the child. You probably are smoking too much, and have no business smoking inside anyway. If that's his food, and he paid for it, then why are you eating it? Your mothers personal relationship is none of your business so stay out of it.

Bottom line, if you are paying your part, then tell him to knock it off. If you aren't, well then you are living off of someone and have no say so.  

Answer 5

your first mistake was living with them, you're 22

for the same reason you're 22 yes talk to him and tell him what you feel  

Answer 6

You're 22!!!  Move out!!  Your mom obviously sees something in him to be with him but as an adult and no genetic ties to him you have no obligation to stay living there.  Its none of his business how much you smoke.  

Tr and look for a new apartment with some friends, theres a whole fun world out there to enjoy without having to put up with a step fathers oddities!!

Answer 7

I would speak your mind with him. If you don't you will stuff it down inside and only get angier and angier. Never allow someone to treat you like that. If he acts like that... he started it and you need to tell him off on the spot. Don't make it easy for him to be a jerk. As for your mom... support her and encourage her as she works through this on her own.

Answer 8

Like the alpha male of any species, he is going to try to control his females and his "space".  He will strut around like some little bandy rooster in the hen yard pecking the females to remind them who is the boss.....You are a threat to his control and domination of his alpha female, you have a closer relationship with her than he ever could because you are her child.... and you can bet he is EXTREMELY jealous of that.  Of course he wants you out and he doesn't want other relatives around....isolation is one of the first steps in controlling his female.  If your mother is okay with this kind of man, leave her to it and save yourself.

Answer 9

Let's start off with saying your Home is where you are supposed to go and relax, and if you cant do that their then it is no longer a home it is a prison where you have to watch your step...

My advice to you is to talk your mom into having an INTERVENTION because I'm pretty sure he loves and care about you all or you guys wouldn't be living together let him know how his actions bothers you and how you love him as a dad but sometimes he Acts as though you are a stranger...

If you refuses to change you have another option you are 22 move out get a studio do the grown woman thing for you can have your own space.. Don't just let this go fight for your Family..

Answer 10

As long as you live under your parents roof..step parents included, no matter what age you are, they will still treat you like the child and expect you to live under their rules. You can try talking to them but I'm afraid you are in a no win position.

That is why it is best when you are an adult to get a place of your own.

Sucks...

Answer 11

your 22, he shouldn't be treating you like that.  I say you beat his ***!

Answer 12

I think you should talk to your mom about having a family talk and i think all of you guys should sit down a have a heart to heart talk and i think you guys both should tell him whats on your mind and i think you guys should give him a chance to tell you guys whats on his mind I'm not a counselor i but i think this can work!!!!!! Maybe he will lighten up!!!! You never know until you try it!!!!

Answer 13

Girl u need to m0ve out ! He wont change!  Move in with me!

Answer 14

I know this isnt what you want to hear, but its his rules so you have to listen to them seeing as your living in his house. Your 22 so move out or live with it.  

Answer 15

Get a place of your own.

Answer 16

If I were you, I would (in a very nice and respectful manner) tell him that your living styles are very different and there needs to be a way to meet in the middle or you and your mom will have to move out. You can tell him you will try and smoke less or take it outside, help out more with the groceries, and let him know if anyone will be coming over. Hopefully you can break the lease, because if he continues to act in that way after you try your part to make it work, I would move out without even telling him about it. After all, I did give him a warning.