My Teenage daughter is scared to ride again after her accident. What can I do to get her back in the saddle!?

Question

My teenage daughter who's now 15 has been riding since she was 5 and used to have no fear of horses. She has her first accident with a leased pony and we got her right back in the saddle, before she even knew what hit her. After that she has owned 2 ponys and 2 different horses, which she would ride no problem! After her favorite horse that she did everything and went everywhere with, died of colic November 2007. She began using her friends horses at shows, she would do anything to find a horse to use! Unfortanetly while at one show the horse she was using got spooked and bucked her off. and now she wont get back in the saddle. She insists in only having ponys for Halter(owns 2). She told me she would like a horse that was bred for Halter and only Halter. This past month I bought her a really nice paint, very broke, just enough spunk to get her where she wants to go. I led her around on him bareback homever she is scared for me to let go and her to take control. Any suggestion?

Thanks

Answer 1

Please accept my condolences for your recent losses, human and equine. It seems like you daughter has had a lot to deal with.

When dealing with fear, knowing when to back off and when to push on is a complicated and difficult question. When dealing with fear, psychologist will talk about desensitizing someone to their fear stimulus. Basically, you expose someone to their fear for short periods of time until they can learn that whatever they fear is not so bad as they think. The time periods and intensity of the encounters can then be lengthened gradually until the stimulus is no longer fearful. This is the same way we train horses to face up to "scary" things like garbage bags, trailer rides, spray bottles, etc.

If she is too scared right now for you to let go while leading her, then I suggest that you just keep leading her until she gets a little more confident just walking. Having a saddle might also help her be more confident. For some time, all she may be able to do is walk with you. The next step would probably be for you to walk with her, but not leading the horse. Then perhaps you could just stand in the ring while she walks the horse around the ring. As she gets more confidence just walking around then ring, then she might be ready for a short trot - a few steps at first, then a circle, then the track of the arena. After she gets some confidence at the trot, then its time for a few steps of canter.

Working step by step through the scary stuff will probably help your daughter to get her confidence back. Once she gets just a little, the rest will probably come back faster. The more positive experiences she can put between her and her accident, the less impact it will continue to have on her.

I would also recommend some riding lessons with a local instructor who is sensitive to her confidence issues. Riding with some of her peers may help her to lay aside some of her fear and riding in a safe environment with an instructor might also help.  Learning new skills would also give her something to think about besides being scared. As she can let go of the fear, she might start riding like her old self. If she is more confident on a pony for now, then I'd let her ride the pony as she takes this difficult journey.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

well for me, once i was riding my horse, and we were cantering up a hill, and he slipped when he turned a corner, and fell on my right leg. i fractured my femur and couldn't ride for 2 months. but anyway, i have always been scared of horses falling since then. like if the horse im riding trips a little i get all freaked out, which freaks the horse out. maybe it will just take time, i mean, i am actually getting better at it, it's just when i go 2 shows and see people falling off it makes me nervous b4 i even start riding!

Answer 3

Just back off...she will decide when the time is right.  When they're little, they don't have the same fears as an adult...or near adult.  Let her proceed at her own pace

Answer 4

That's a tough situation.  I've been fortunate enough to only fall off once and I hopped right back on.  It might be a good idea to get a riding instructor to work with her and help build up her confidence.  Put her on the most easy-going horse you can find (one of those "been there, done that" horses) and start slow.  If it takes weeks of leading her around on the horse before she wants to take control, so be it.  Make sure she's riding in a ring and not on a trail, so there is that feeling of security.  Make sure she wears a helmet at all times (I assume she does already) and teach her how to fall off a horse.  My riding instructor made this one of my first lessons when I was 6...you basically teach her how to roll off the horse and roll away to get out from under it.  This should ease her a little bit also, knowing that she could have some control if the need arose.

I don't really know what else to tell you, but good luck!

Answer 5

I think you should tell her that if she really loved riding she'd get back on that saddle and pretend nothing happened.

Or you could just let go even if she doesnt want you to. O_o

Maybe she needs to work it out on her own but you should secretly help her along.

Answer 6

dont force her,leave her do it at her own pace.she will know herself if and when shes ready 2 do so

Answer 7

Im 16, I had a bad fall last feb. and I was stepped on and had to go to hospital. Since my fall I have been very unconfident, I only ride horses I know that I can trust.

Let your daughter choose her own horse. This way she is comfortable with the horse.

goodluck

jess

Answer 8

I have been bucked off so many times ITs not funny !!!!!

U need to get back on straight away im 15 to!

Horses spook all the time its their nature ! maybe just lead her round and eventually build up from their!

Answer 9

Your daughter is clearly afraid now- she has experienced what is called " losing her nerve". Your forcing her to ride is only going to make her MORE afraid, NOT LESS, and I would BACK OFF of this completely, and BUTT OUT when it comes to this issue, unless you want to start teaching your daughter to hate you and everything connected with both horses and riding for good. I'm a veteran of some bad falls too- in fact, one of them caused me to lose my nerve when it comes to jumping. I still ride, but I no longer jump any more, because I had a horse throw me over a jump when I was in college. About a decade or so ago now, one of my former employers tried to force me back into jumping- she was a foxhunter and wanted someone who could condition horses over fences in the hunt field. Well, the experience scared the daylights out of me- and for a time ( a few days) I tried to force myself to do it. But it didn't work- I got so scared that I had trouble concentrating on even ordinary things, and the stress got so bad I had problems keeping food down. Is this the kind of experience you want your daughter to have?

There's nothing wrong with your daughter's wanting to have halter horses or horses to show " in-hand" as it is called in Europe and in other parts of the world. Indeed, there are professionals over there who actually make A LIVING showing horses in hand and at halter- and some of the universities in different countries there actually have degrees in subjects which relate to this. Having halter horses allows your daughter to have contact with horses in a non threatening way, where she feels safe and in control. Eventually, when she feels strong enough mentally, she may show signs of wanting to ride again- but YOU need to let her come to that point ON HER OWN, at her OWN PACE, without teasing, belittling or criticizing her because she's not riding.

One of the hardest parts of overcoming a fear like this one is dealing with the feelings of helplessness and powerlessness which a fall like the one your daughter went through can trigger. Lack of control is VERY FRIGHTENING to most of us-and it can manifest itself in lots of different ways. One of the girls who boards with us at our farm has a horse that she loves dearly- but at the same time, she never rides him because she's terrified of him. She will NEVER admit this publically to anyone, but it doesn't change anything. The simple fact is that she's scared- because he's too much horse for her. Taking lessons would help her- but the real problem is that she's overmounted and needs to have a horse that she can feel safe on- and this one clearly isn't it. I suspect from your question that your daughter is experiencing something very similar, which may or may not resolve itself with time. Pushing her now, when she's so obviously frightened, is a major mistake, because suppose something else happens which scares her even more, like another fall from this new horse you just got? That's just going to make riding even more scary, and it could easily backfire and turn your daughter off to the sport for good. There's been more than one rider or horse person who has had that happen- one of the most famous people this happened to was the late Princess Diana of England. She had a bad fall from a horse when she was quite young, and she never was able to get past the fear and ride again- the one time she tried to force herself into it and ride with Prince Charles, it was a disaster. He was furious with her afterwards for not telling him she was afraid of horses, or the reason why. That's sad, but it's strictly true. If you want your daughter to avoid this, then I would leave her alone and let her heal on her own. Why are you so keen on having her ride again, anyway? There are other ways to deal with grief and loss besides riding, such as seeing a counselor and getting some therapy, for example. Has it ever entered your head that your daughter is still mourning the loss of her favorite horse, who was without doubt the only one she trusted implicitly? It takes time to get over a loss like that- and it's only been about 8 months since she lost what was probably her best friend in the whole world. Grief is not like an instant message- it isn't here one moment and gone the next. Your daughter is also likely to still be mourning her dad's death as well- and she needs to be allowed to do this in her own way too.  There is no one right or wrong way to grieve. I still miss my late stepdad, too- even though he died over a decade ago now, so I know what your daughter is going through. I've been there. Losing a parent is tough at any age, and then to have the loss compounded a year later by the loss of a beloved horse has only made things worse for her. Your daughter's trying to ride these other horses' of her friends ( including the one which threw and hurt her) was probably an attempt to try to fill the hole in her heart left by the death of her horse and by her dad's absence. It backfired on her- and because all she can remember now is pain, she's naturally afraid of having the experience happen again. Has any of this ever occured to you?

The way to handle this situation is to keep a low key, quiet approach about it. Let your daughter set the pace, and determine how much she can handle at a time. I would also encourage the two of you to see a grief counselor and get some help, because it's clear to me that unresolved grief is hampering your daughter's efforts and interfering with her life.

Good luck.

Answer 10

why don't you let her have a few lessons on a school pony to get her confidence back

Answer 11

I had a bad wreck when I was 15 that scared me to the point that I didn't ride for 8 yrs.

My sis tried to lead me around on her bombproof 4-H horse after I healed up and the panic and fear were too great.

It wasn't until I was 23 and in a crappy marriage that I started taking lessons to ride again and it was MY idea and MY way and MY fear that i had to address.  I slowly worked through it on lesson horses, but i had to be the one that wanted to overcome that fear.

You need to just allow your daughter to do what she wants to do on this.  It will not do any good to throw her back into lessons if she doesn't want to.  Its hard to watch I know.. my parents probably had a hard time too, but I know that fear your daughter has, and its a killer of one.  I actually got it back in 2003 when I was sucker bucked off my mule and hurt badly again and not able to get back on.  I had never had panic attacks until then and had no clue what they were.  But they completely rendered me unrideable when they happened.

If it wasn't for some young trainer, I think she was 25.. who was well versed in fear tactic training and me who was willing to salvage the mule because of his talent, it never would of worked.  We did ALOT of yoga manuevers on his back so I wouldn't focus on the accident as we were riding.  3 solid months were spent at a walk.   Now we are competing back at breed shows in all events.

I feel bad for both of you.. its a bad deal.  But allow your daughter to decide and you both need to have peace about it.  She might come back to it like I did, but allow her the room to make that decision.

Answer 12

If you have ponies then you could show her that falling off isn't really that big of a deal by getting on the pony and letting it walk and just do a tuck and roll off. It might make her feel better if she knew how to make herself fall properly so you could maybe put her into a self defense class or something where they teach you how to fall. If you can convince her to get on the horse I would suggest saddling it up saddle and bridle with a halter underneath so that you can attach a lead rope. If you have a round pen available or even a small paddock then take her in there and lead her around a little with her holding the reins, if she starts to get comfortable then ask her if you can take the lead line off and just walk beside her. Once she gets comfortable with that ask her if she would be okay with you standing in the middle of the round pen/paddock. This will probably take time because I have seen many people that have just gotten so shaken up that they don't even want to try. Im guessing that since she is still involved with horses she will want to try again. I myself never got freaked after a fall but then again I was a crazy goalie that used to hurl myself at the ground. I would also try explaining to her that stuff like that just happens sometimes and the best of riders even fall off occasionally and they walk away just fine. Good luck with your daughter.

Answer 13

stick to the bareback lead around stuff. eventually i'm sure she'll get bored with it and want something more.

Answer 14

I had a similar experience... of falling of a horse(not bucked) I hit the ground at a full gallop on a friends pony that turned to quickly when I was already losing my balance... I was scared of riding for a while. I then realized during a lesson on a lesson horse that I am not riding a bad horse at all... This horse did nothing to hurt me... It was another horse that I will never ride again that did it.

Just give her time at least she still wants to be around them. She will move at her own pace just keep horses in her life and she will decide. Why do you want her back in the saddle so badly???

Answer 15

when i was training my TB she spooked and threw me off a few times but actually the first time i had sprained my wrist, lol I didnt know it at the time but I finished my lesson with a tinglely arm. but the thing is i got back on. its important to do it. you cant expect to fall off all the time or you are going to be scared. tell your daughter that she didn't get hurt, and that its ok to get back on again. maybe you could try tacking up the horse and putting her on with a lunge line and just walk at first so you will be right there but she can control the horse if she wants to. I really dont know what to say, I sortof understand because I went over a year without riding and when i was testing out a horse i was afraid to canter...i didnt know why but once i did it it felt amazing...tell her that once she gets back on all the fears will go away

Answer 16

Try buying her a chest protector or other safety gear. Even if shes not going to fall (you can also look at buying horses that are very sound and safe) at least she will have confidence in not anticipating pain because those sort of protectors really help I used to always fall on my back (hard and painfully!) but now i just fall lightly and have never since had a painful fall.

Answer 17

She could benefit from professional help from a psychologist specializing in anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress disorder...there are effective techniques available to her if she is willing to participate.

Answer 18

just start off slow.

lead her on her horse and the put her on the lunge line just walking she will get bored with the walking and eventually want to go faster

Answer 19

my sister has been chased by a horse, trompled & kicked. She got on my 10 y/o gelding about 2 years later and i also got her to ride some horses we rented on a trail ride. It depends on the girl and whether or not she trust the horse, and she needs to understand all horses arent alike, there like humans they have brains to. just encourage her but dont force it.

Answer 20

well, first I'd get an experienced rider on the horse so that your daughter can see how SAFE the horse is...

then I'd get her up there, with the reins in her hands and a halter over the bridle with someone leading.. have her walk and trot with the leader close, and then slowly have the leader loosen the grip on the leadrope so your daughter has more and more control.. eventually she should learn that this horse isn't gunna hurt her.

-this is what we do at the therapeutic riding place to get students off lead (since all of them start on lead.)

Answer 21

I fell off on mothers day. Damaged my vertibrae. That was my third fall I think.

Ive recently been allowed to get back up onto my horses. But im stuck wearing a back brace. Because I can easily be hurt again.

I took a lucky fall that day.

Your daughter is lucky she didnt hurt herself. I would just lead her around on the horse some more. Eventually she will regain her confidence.  

Never stop pushing her, dont give up.

Or maybe get one of her friends that ride, or someone else she trusts up on the horse. So she can see how s/he will react.

Hope I helped. And best wishes to your daughter

Answer 22

I'd had many minor falls with some simple breaks through the years. Then about 3 years ago I had a major fall that took a year to recover from.

Well my silly old brain just wouldn't recover to let me comfortably ride again. It took me two years for the old head to get around the fact that I was safe again.

I'd still thoroughly encourage your daughter. When you are out riding and training the horse to work for you it is all consuming and the most wonderful therapy.

She may need an old plodder to bridge the gap for 6 months to a year. Would you be able to lease one?

I also agree the person above who mentioned someone riding the horse so she sees it is safe. My niece rode mine and still does, I found that very reassuring.

Sorry to hear of all your losses. My thoughts go out to you both...  ...big hugs :)