My Wedding Vows. Tell me what you think? Any pointers?

Question

Everywhere I go and everything I do, I see your face in my mind and I love you. I love telling you everything. I love showing you things. I love our eyes, secretly giving each other confidence. I love your touch. I love our excitement together. I love everything we share. I don't like missing you. It is a very cold and lonely feeling. I wish that I could be with you always. Where the warmth of our love would melt the winter snows. But, since we will have to part one day, long from now, I will have to be content just dreaming about when we can be together again. You have sucha deep understanding of who I am. I hardly have to speak any words and you know just what I'm saying. I love you.

Answer 1

Everywhere I go and everything I do, I see your face in my mind and I love you. I love telling you everything. I love our eyes, secretly giving each other confidence. I love your touch. I love our excitement together. I love everything we share. I cant stand any moment im missing you. It is a very cold and lonely feeling. I wish that I could be with you always. Where the warmth of our love would melt the winter snows. But, since we will have to part one day, long from now, I will have to be content just dreaming about when we can be together again. You have such a deep understanding of who I am. I hardly have to speak any words and you know just what I'm saying. I love you.

few modifications hope it helps

Answer 2

What an amazing testament to the love you have for your future husband.  I think overall it is beautiful and there is evidence of your genuity.  

Before you make this your final draft - maybe see if there is a way to reward the following part:

I don't like missing you. It is a very cold and lonely feeling. I wish that I could be with you always. Where the warmth of our love would melt the winter snows. But, since we will have to part one day, long from now, I will have to be content just dreaming about when we can be together again.

Maybe something like this?

Everywhere I go and everything I do, I see your face in my mind and I love you. I love telling you everything and sharing with you new things. I love our eyes, secretly giving each other confidence. I love your touch and the excitement we feel when we are together. I love everything we share.  By making these vows today, I am telling the world that we will be together til the end of our days. The warmth of our love will melt the winter snows.   Long from now when we must part, know that I will be dreaming about when we can be together again. You have such a deep understanding of who I am. I hardly have to speak any words and you know just what I'm saying. I love you.

Answer 3

It is really sweet.

Answer 4

There is to much I love yous in the beging. Try and not put negative words into something that is supposed to be happy and full of love, so the cold and lonely thing might want to be rethinked. Don't stop at just one either keep writing some down and then out of all of that you will find one great one.

Answer 5

Sorry, but I have to second what Eastwoodelvis wrote:  I think I'm going to throw up...

If you don't want the traditional vows, fine.  But lay off the mush a bit, please!  Remember that us old folks are listening . . . Grandma, Great Aunt Sally, etc.

Here is a good example for you:

I (Groom's name) take you (Bride's name) to be my wife/husband.

I promise to live in truth with you,

and I give you my hand and my heart

as a sanctuary of warmth and peace,

pledging you my love and devotion

as I join my life to yours.

(Bride repeats same regarding Groom.)

From this site:

http://ejcampfield.com/NonReligiousWeddi...

Or how about this one?

All that I am and all that I have, I offer to you in love and in joy.

From this day forward I will love and comfort you, hold you close,

prize you above all others,

and remain faithful to you all the days of our lives.

from this site:

http://www.myweddingvows.com/non-traditi...

Keep it short, keep it sweet, and don't drone on with a bunch of mush.  When saying the vows, you are making a promise.  This is not the time to go on and on and on and on about how much you love him.  Trust me, your guests already know that you love your groom.

Concentrate on the promise you are making, and lay off the mush, please!  Thanks.

I am blunt, Frogprincessashlie . . . but I am honest.

Edit:  Second version is a bit better . . . but do you know any grammar police or an English teacher?  Someone like that.  

"create a life and a family with"

"I will always be faithful to"

Now I know that I am not the grammar police or an English teacher.  I do know that sentences should not be ended like this . . . "with" or "to."  And there, I just ended one with "to" myself, LOL.

Find yourself a grammar expert or an English teacher, and tighten this up just a bit, please.  One doesn't want to sound uneducated during the vows, right?  Just one reason why so many folks decide to go with the traditional vows after all.

Example:  The man with whom I will create a life and a family????  Doesn't that sound better?  But ask the English teacher.  As I wrote, I am not the expert or the grammar police, LOL.

Answer 6

I think im going to throw up...

Answer 7

i really love the first half but as a whole it seems too long.

Answer 8

good

Answer 9

Those are beautiful, except maybe the part about 'i don't like missing you, it is a very cold and lonely feeling'.... why bring up the bad points? Make it happy! =)

Answer 10

Beautiful :)

Answer 11

Where is your promise to do everything he tells you to because he is the man of the house and rules the roost? Are you going to make him chicken pot pie whenever he wants it?

Answer 12

awww that's so sweet I love it

Answer 13

I think this is lovely but you said they were vows. Maybe you should promise things like....to respect and love his family as your own or to support him in all his ventures, or to love him when he has arthritis and halitosis. You know....vows are like promises you make to each other about the way in which you will approach your marriage.

You should think about the things which are important to both of you in building your life together - values, spirituality, extended family, children....and base the vows on that.

Your tribute to your fiance is very lovely but perhaps it would be better as your wedding SPEECH. Many brides speak at the wedding these days. It is quite old fashioned to leave all the speech making to the groom.

You sound very much in love. I hope your life together is filled with peace, love and joy!

Answer 14

Those aren't wedding vows they are an emotional outpouring.

Answer 15

Hi.  Personally, i don't like it when people make up their own vows when i am at a wedding (and most people do) ..i almost feel as if the wedding itself should be more of a religious thing where people are making a covenant in front of god and witnesses that they will enter into a marriage together until death do you part...the marriage covenant  itself should be based on commitment..not emotions...the emotionial stuff should be saved for the rehersal dinner, reception, etc...but as an "audience member" this is just my opinion..some people like it and i am sure your audience will be mixed...by the way i have been married since 96, very happy with four daughters!  so good luck :)

geri