My adopted child does not looks like chinese?

Question

Many pple said the child looks like malay. How should i deal with it especially we are chinese. Does anyone out there have similar case, how are you dealing with it. Family, friends, stranger.....etc

Answer 1

This is not uncommon.  Sometimes birthmothers do not know who the birthfather is, or may think it is one man and it may be another.  And sometimes she is protecting herself by naming the wrong birthfather.

But if the adoption has been finalized, this is YOUR child.  You have two choices:

1.  Love and accept this child 110% forever!  And never look back.  Get counseling!!  Talk to the agency or attorney you adopted through.  The issue is not whether the child is or is not a certain race, etc.  It is how you FEEL about it!  In other words, YOU are the issue!  You were not planning on letting the child believe they were Chinese, and born into your family, were you?  Please, get some good adoption counseling.

2.  Place this child for adoption with someone who will love him unconditionally!  There are millions of parents who will!

Good luck to you and your child.  Write me personally if you need to and I will continue to talk with you for this child's sake!

Answer 2

well I live in Japan and I have noticed that as well as typically "Japanese" looking people there are also some who look more Malay as well as some with naturally curly hair.

These are from families that believe that believe themselves to be "purely" Japanese....so whatever genes are coming out have been around for a long time.  

I  am caucasian and was born with red hair(turned blond)....which took a couple of generations to come up. My husband is Japanese with  naturally curly hair......and our daughter looks Hispanic with straight golden brown hair.

Answer 3

hmmm....why do you care what your baby looks like?

i would just ignore them, its none of their business.

Answer 4

Just tell family and friends that he is handsome and healthy.  Celebrate the differences between the two of you.  Try to find out his background, maybe put up a flag in his room of his culture, whatever it may be.  Congratulations on your new son!

Answer 5

Well, if you are Chinese, I'm sure you know that there are many ethnic groups in China.  Some have a wide nose, some thin, some darker skin, some lighter,etc.  Your family will have to get over the fact that your child cannot "pass" for a biological child.  I understand the pressure in a Chinese family.  (my husband is Chinese)  My mother-in-law was happy that we were going to adopt from Taiwan since our child would be ethnically Chinese, but she was worried that our child would be aboriginal.  Your child is not your biological child, though, you shouldn't make your child have to be able to "pass" as biological for her to be accepted.  You have to help your family understand this.

Answer 6

Many babies in the Chinese orphanages are all Chinese, some are Cantonese's or Malay etc.... how do you deal with it.. love her!  My little sisters are Chinese and I'm white from Canada, people look at us all the time, and love to talk to us and ask questions. I love seeing people smile at us all the time.

Answer 7

Does it matter?

Did you not adopt him to give him a decent life? Or was it just to show him off?

If he's healthy and happy and you make a good family unit, then it really shouldn't matter at all.

Answer 8

well, if you adopted the child obviously you wanted one pretty badly, so I would grin & bear it. At least you have a child, so many people trying to adopt wait years and years and never receive their child. Be happy with what you get.

Answer 9

We have a son from China who does not look Chinese, either.  Just say something like "he is from China and we couldn't be more blessed" and smile and keep right on going.

Answer 10

How about:

"Yes, isn't she beautiful?"

Answer 11

ask angelina jolie she's an expert on this subject.

Answer 12

I am angelo and American. I adopted a child at birth. His origin is , Greek, french , Hispanic and Anglo. I have a half sister whose mother is Hispanic. And has a rule when people would ask me what he was, I would say, my son.  When my sister ask, I told her. Later she got all tick off at me because her mother said my son look Hispanic and I told her he wasn't. I said, I never said that. You ask me his or-gins and I told you. And she said but you made it sound like there was not much Hispanic in him and look at his dark hair and eyes. I said and how do I know that is not from the Greek or the french or even the Anglo? I ended that with he is my son and that is all that matters.  I know that is probably how you feel about your adopted child. But my point was, perhaps there was some Malaysian in her or gins and it is showing.  Incidental, I have had other people say my son looks Greek. So who knows what some people think.