My almost 17-year-old daughter wants to move out...?

Question

My almost 17-year-old daughter wants to move out. We live in Canada. She is turning 17 in under three months. She feels I control her too much. She feels that if she moves out, our relationship will be better... problem is that I didn't realize it was bad. She says we fight all the time... yet I cannot remember any we've had lately other than small arguments regarding the usual messiness or curfew. She says I treat her like a kid... yet I give her everything, car, phone, clothes, money, booze when she wants it, freedom to come and go as she pleases for the most part without being unreasonable... sigh... I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Maybe thats the problem! U buy her booze? H*** no. She is only 17. She has 2 many privlages!! Maybe you should take some of those privlages away and let her see how it would be without having your mom to do all those nice things for you! You might have to let her go if she she feels thats strongly about it. I was 17 once and i was the same. My mom was giving me beer at age 15 and everything I wanted.And i would move around from time to time thinking it was better somewhere else. She let me go. But now that i think about it,it was cool back then but now i have 2 kids and i refuse to let them get away with things like that. I had my first baby at age 18 another at 20. I dont regret my kids because i love them to death but eventually I had to go back home!! Everybody does at least once. So let her think the grass is greener on the other side!!

Answer 2

Let her go and  when she sees how hard it is she will come running back!

Answer 3

YOu are legally responsibel for her till 18 so if she moves out and somethings happens you are the one in troubel.

Two let her know if she moves out the money car cell phone will stop she will have to support herself but she can't do it till 18

Answer 4

let her go experience life with out the benefits of moms support them. kids that age think they got it all figured out, i know i thought i did.

i moved out into a friends house when i was 17, with her mom. i stayed in school and everything, and things were fine at home, it was just something i wanted to try out. Mom was fine with it and i ended up comeing home less then a year later.

Let her leave as long as she stays in school, if you dont support her financially while she is gone, then i have no doubts that she will be home in a week or 2.

Answer 5

i wish i could be 17 at live at home still!!

let her, but dont give her money to pay bills, or shop, or even gas money! and tell her she has to pay half of the phone bill. soon shell she how easy yo make it for her and com running back.

tell her to go get a job, and pay her own bills like other adults living on their own do.

take a look at mine and tell me what you think plz:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 6

do what my mom did to me on the day i turned 18 my mom had boxes and suit cases in my room and when i came home from school(college) she said "your 18 today & you said you cant wait until your 18 to move out so todays the BIG day" i thought she was playing but i left but i came back the next day and i was so upset but i got married at 19 and been on my own since then ill be 21 in Dec but make sure you make it hard for her she will come running back after a week of living the life she think she will have

Answer 7

Tell her to be ******* grateful she doesn't live in America. Seriously, if she thinks she is treated like a child in Canada she'd be in for a rude wake up call if she went to America. Some parents here don't let their children even have a SIP of beer untill their are 21, no exeptions.

Driving? Some countries and some states in the USA have a driving age of eighteen or seventeen. SHE"D JUST BE GETTING HER LICENSE!!

Answer 8

don't let her move out.  Ask her what specifically you do that is controlling and try to work out a compromise.  Its sounds more like you let her walk all over you then you control her, but i don't claim to be able to understand your relationship after reading a short paragraph.

Also, she might need a lesson about personal finances.  Living on your own at 17 is very expensive unless she expects you to keep giving her free things and money.

gl

Answer 9

i was in the same boat as your daughter but my mom wouldn't let me go so I moved out the day I turned 18 (I still had 7 months of high school to go)  I moved in with my boyfriend and yes I did finish school.   However when I got pregnat with my first child I did move back home closer to my mom, and now that i'm 26 I feel so bad for what I did, My mom is truly my best friend and she always been there for me, it just took me awhile to relize it.  I now live 3 houses from my mom and talk to her atleast 15 times a day.  

I know this wasn't any real advice I just wanted to give you my story, just no matter what happens always be there for her, don't turn your back on her no matter how upset yu might be.  Good Luck to you and good luck to her.

Answer 10

When my cousin was 15 she was completely unreasonable about wanting to move out and have more freedom and this is what her mom did:

1.She had her write out a long detailed note that she made over a few days saying exactly why she was unhappy and what she wanted to change. How she wished things could be different.

2. She had her make another draft, like a final copy before giving it to her mom, having had about a week to think about the things she previously wrote. (She ended up toning it down a lot. Time gave her time to calm down before she wrote things she didn't want to say)

3. Her mom stopped giving her money and everything she wanted and made her get a job so she could support herself. (When she complains say this is what she wanted, an adult responsible life.)

After a month my cousin was MUCH more reasonable and grown up. She no longer wanted to move out anymore (although my aunt would not have let her anyway). Don't let her move out. Make things tougher at home and although she won't like it it'll be for her own good. She sounds like a spoiled brat, no offense... She'll stop being so dramatic eventually! I wish you luck!! =)

Answer 11

Well I don't know what age is legal there but if she is legal....let her move out.  Then let her pay for everything on her own. Then she'll see how good she had it.  I fought with my mom alot and always said I was moving out. I just moved out a few months ago and I'm 22. It was just me n my mom since I was 10 and she always gave me everything I wanted. I complained alot too but once she stopped giving all the time I realized what I truly gave up. This is a life experience she'll have to learn for herself. Of course you want the best for her she she should abide by what rules you give her when you are taking care of her. Let her see what its like to take care of herself. I wanted so much to be an adult and now that I am I just wish I was a kid...even teenager again! I loved having no responsibilities!

Answer 12

My daughter is 17 years old and is going to graduate this year. She says she wants to live in college next year in a dorm. I told her I completely support her if she is doing this for her studies. This will give her the privacy of studying on her own, and having time for herself. The reason I say this is because I have other children younger than her. She is very intelligent and very mature for her age I will say. But at no time she said she will leave because of arguments. Besides we never have arguments. The only thing I tell her is that she knows her responsibilities and she needs to clean her room, get home at a certain time and call me to let me know where she is, what she needs and if everything is ok. But I don't push her around or get in her way at all. I let her know that I do this to give her space and a sense of responsibility. I tell her if you don't clean your room, no one else is going to clean for you. You need to do things on your own. In life no one works for you or gives you money to pay the bills. She's a dancer at school, and I made her work to pay her own uniform and all the stuff that she needs. She even wanted a car, but I told her, "well I give the down payment, but you work to give the payments and the insurance?", she says she is still thinking about it. Kids don't learn if you don't let them feel a little pain. Then they don't learn how to value. The only advice I can give you is to sit down and talk to your daughter. Let her know that being on her own will bring more responsibilities to her life and she will have to be able to step up for herself, there's no more mommy for that. Part of being an adult is respondind like one, not just acting like one. Let her know that if she leaves, you will let her do it, but is she ready to pay her own bills, food, clothes etc. If she doesn't want to talk then let her leave. She will come back pretty soon. Don't worry she will learn the lesson.

Answer 13

Umm, why are you giving her booze at 16 years old? How is that "controlling" her too much? As far as I can see, that is giving her more freedom than most other 16 year olds.

Seems she has grown up too fast and it is really no wonder.....is it?

Answer 14

maybe she has too much freedom and she doesn't realize how much she does have.  sometimes as young adults we can taste the "adult" life and it makes some people just want more.  i am 24 years old and i remember the feeling of wanting to be on my own.  where would she go though?  first and foremost you have to make sure she will be safe and taken care of.  i have three daughters now and i can say that I probably wouldn't let them move out at age 17.  what's one more year?

Answer 15

i would have to agree with serra....let her move out.  Tell her if she moves out then you will take back everything that you have bought her because if she is old eough to move out then she is old enough to buy her own phone, etc.   If she moves out she will relieze that things arent as easy as they seem and all those simple things like cable and a telephone cost money, on top of rent and utilities....just see what happens

Answer 16

I'm almost 16 and i want to move out of my house, i think it may just be teenagers, but like a lot of my family and friends have said "it will be very difficult and u will be begging your mum to let you come back and live with her" maybe you need to give her a bit more discipline!

Answer 17

Stop buying things for her and paying for her make her pay her own way and see how she starts to act. I hope she is not under the impression that if she moves out you will be paying for everything still?