My almost 5 yr old daughter's new 'habit'...?

Question

My daughter is a very well behaved little girl. I'm her favorite person in the world. We're very, very close.

Lately she's made comments that are really bothering me. I'll spend an entire weekend doing things that I know she loves...this weekend for example, going to Chuck E Cheese, going to a festival, a 3-D kids movie, things like that...and then continuing on with the example, she says tonight when we're talking about all of the things we've done, "Yeah, it was fun, but we didn't get to play together at all..."

Do you know how that makes me feel?! Because I know she doesn't. She's not even saying it like a 'real' complaint...she says it just matter of factly...like she expects me to say something like, "Yeah...that's a bummer, we can play tomorrow..." And I do say that and then she smiles and is glad we're going to play.

But I feel terrible after she says it. Because I'm a single mom...and to do lots of things like that on a holiday weekend adds up and it's not something that I can afford easily...so it makes me feel as if she doesn't appreciate what I've done for her, the good time I've provided. So tonight I also tell her, "You know what, we're not going to go anywhere tomorrow, we're going to stay home and play all day...and next weekend? Well, we're going to stay home next weekend, too...that way we can have plenty of time to play..." That makes her start to get upset...so I tell her, "Well, Megan, I just can't seem to do things well enough, can I? I take you out to do lots of fun stuff and you complain that we didn't get to play...I tell you we're going to stay home and play and that doesn't make you happy either..." Now I've hurt HER feelings so she starts to quietly cry...not in a sassy or 'fit' type of way, in a confused, hurt way.

So I'm reaching out to y'all. I don't know what the answer is to this problem I have. On the one hand I figure maybe this is her way of saying she'd prefer to just stay home and have one on one time...but on the other hand it makes me wonder if she just doesn't understand the things I do for her...? And while I also wonder if she's just getting spoiled, she ALWAYS tells me thank you and how much she loves me and how much fun she has/had...so that shows appreciation...but then she wants what she 'didn't' get...

Now I've seen the answers on here...and I KNOW that people tend to 'add to the story' in their own minds and make up what 'else' they think is going on or not going on (such as discipline and such...) but I am telling you that, in general, she's a VERY well behaved little girl, shows her appreciation for things A LOT and she DOES get disciplined for not behaving. So please don't pick us apart...I'll only ignore your answer if you do... PLEASE just answer my question based on what I've told you...she wasn't being a brat, she was just 'talking to me' about what she was thinking.

IS there a way to make a child feel settled with what she DID get? IS this just her unconscious way of telling me she wants to just have down time with me? And, if so, then why did she start to get upset about the idea of just staying home? How do you explain the word "spoiled" to a child? Because when I try to talk to her about this I tell her that I feel afraid, since she seems to want what she didn't get that it makes me afraid of the fact that maybe she's getting spoiled and she is like, what's spoiled mean? When I try to explain it to her, she says, but I DO thank you for things, Mama, and I DO tell you I like it and I DO "acppreciatave" it...and you know what? She really does. Is it so wrong of her to wish for more? And, if not, why does it make me feel like she doesn't appreciate it? Haven't we all said, "Well, I loved it that he...fill in the blank...I just wish he'd done...fill in the blank...too...?" We all wish for everything that we want...

So I don't know what the answer is here...

Help?

Answer 1

Hi-

I have an 8 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. They both say things like that. My son is worse though. We could spend all day at a fair

riding rides, playing games etc.. And he will tell us that he had a boring time or get mad because we didn't have the money to play 25 games instead of just 12. we could buy him the world and somehow he will find something wrong with it. My husband spends anywhere from 2-6 hours

on Friday nights playing play station with him. The next day we hear " You always spend time with Kailey not me." Kailey is our daughter.

My daughter has pulled similar things with me. She will come up to me and hit me on my arm, and I ask her what that was for? She tells me

" You never play with me", I read books to her all the time, we play outside, I swing her on her swings, we go shopping together etc....

So please don't feel like your doing something wrong, I personally just think she may be getting a little spoiled and she's starting to expect you to do things for her. My kids are very spoiled, I'll be the first one to admit that, but they also expect us to do things for them and to get

things for them when we go to a store. My daughter thanks me for things as well, gives kisses etc..but my kids also expect my husband and I to entertain them. We are not here to entertain them, they should be able to entertain themselves. That's why my kids don't like staying home, they'd rather go somewhere, because staying home is "Boring".

Don't let her comments bother you, it's also her age. But darlin' let me

tell you, it never really goes away. She will get better with age, but

don't take her comments personally, if you do than she's winning!

Take care Darlin!

Answer 2

It was the way u approached her with it, u let ur hurt get in the way:

"So tonight I also tell her, "You know what, we're not going to go anywhere tomorrow, we're going to stay home and play all day...and next weekend? Well, we're going to stay home next weekend, too...that way we can have plenty of time to play..." That makes her start to get upset...

"

After all, what she was really saying is she wants some time with just u, and that's kinda lovable, don't you think?

Answer 3

The next time she says something like that, ask her "What kind of playing would you like to do together?"  It's possible that things you think of as play are not the kind of things she thinks of as play.  And yes, to some extent you are darned if you do, darned if you don't.  Go someplace special and you didn't get to play, spend all day playing and you didn't do anything "fun"-what is a parent to do?  I'm not being sarcastic, I mean that.  My four year old daughter is similar-she tell me she's never done something, when we just did it the week before, sometimes even the day before.  I guess my suggestion would be to get her involved in the planning of the day rather than planning it all out.  Just listening to all the things you did this weekend outside the house wore me out and I'm not five.  Maybe pick one special thing to do in a weekend and let her pick the other activities?  Also, can you set up play dates for her?  That might help a lot, since I don't think we mommies play in acceptable ways for our little ones sometimes.  We like stories that make sense, and the sky is the limit for them.

Answer 4

I think you are over-reacting to the comments of a young 5 year old child. She does not have the self- knowledge or adequate vocabulary to express her true feelings.  She just needs to be a child.

Try joining a group like "parents without Partners"  Other parents will have kids for her to play with and the pressure will be a little bit off of your shoulders  for finding things to amuse her.

Spending time with your child is not called spoiling her.

It is not up to a child to show appreciation to us  -

Its up to us to help develop a child and prepare them for the real world.  

Answer 5

Honestly, it sounds like you spend too much time trying to entertain her.  She is saying she didn't get to play with you at all.  Maybe she doesn't want to do all of that fancy stuff, maybe you should try just taking her to a park and swinging on the swings with her.  Take her to the library and read her a book.  You are probably trying to overcompensate for the fact that you are a single mother that you are over doing it.  My husband and I always say "it's the little things" in life the kids love.  My kids would rather just have a little one on one time than a new toy or a day out.  

Answer 6

She's playing you and winning.  And she knows it.  Better put a stop to the pouting or it will only get worse.