Question:

My anger is legitimate. Right???

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My boyfriend calls me more frequently than i call him. When he does call ( even in 4 in the morning, when he cant sleep) i'm always there for him. When he needs to vent he calls me. I know when hes angry and i help him talk about it. I don't usually ask for his help. I'm a do it myself kind of gal. But when i do ask, i would assume he would take advantage of that and try to be there, even if he cant fix it. I was feeling upset the other day and i just needed to hear his voice. When i was talking to him on the phone, is showed in my voice and tone that i was happy to talk to him. Heres what he does most of the time. He says he has to do something real quick and he'll call me back. We were talking around midnight. So when he said he would call back and 30 mins past, i knew he wasnt. So, i called him and said "why do you do that?" he said "what? says i'll call you and then you call me and you find out i'm not doing anything?" I said "Yeah but it's not just that, i needed you, i have alot on my mind and hearing your voice calms me" He got all defensive and then said, "oh, well what is it?" I said forget it, i'm tired of this. Then hung up. He called back then said don't hang up untill you say your fine. I said yeah i'm fine then hung up. I know he is well aware of what he's doing. I'm not speaking to him. He text me last night. The thing is, i feel like i should stand my ground. But then why is it me who feels like i'm doing somthing wrong.?

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3 ANSWERS


  1. I hate to say this, but sometimes guys are just dumb and don't have a clue as to how to help us or make us feel better when we're upset. Getting mad and standing your ground wont help too much really. Try having a face to face conversation, calmly tell him how you feel and see what happens. Don't be too upset if it doesn't help right away, it may take time.

    I doubt that the answer is he doesn't care for you but some guys need a kick to the butt to wake up and figure out that consoling us is part of the job of being a good boyfriend.

    Sadly, if you get to where you feel he wont try to help you, move on, there's tons of good guys out there!


  2. What differences does it make?

    You feel what you feel.

    Doesn't mean you have to act on it, or respond in any certain or specific way.  

    Remember, it's YOUR job to learn to calm yourself down.

    Then you can make decisions.  Otherwise, it's just acting-out.

  3. You are totally right. Drop this jerk immediately. You do not owe him an explanation and if you stay with him this behavior will continue.

    What I am seeing is a very selfish young man who needs to grow up.

    You feel guilt because you are a female and you think that you can fix it all. Trust me you cannot fix it. This guy will be this way for life.

    Find a guy who does not call you at 4am. Who does he think he is. Some guy did that to me he best have a bone sticking out of his leg because when I finish he will wish he did.

    Just drop him. Find a guy who will be there for you like you are for him.

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