My attempt at Partenza Represa, comments?

Question

CHOCOLATE LOVE

I feed my lover's sweet fancy

Fancy sweets and chocolate dark

Dark nights spent in each other's arms

Arms and legs entwined hot love sweet.

Sweet beyond taste of chocolate

Chocolate kisses of others

Others denied passion of love

Love, the lover's fancy I feed.

Answer 1

This is pretty nice.  You'll have to ask the masters of this form though.

Answer 2

Whatever Spt says, I have to go with, she developed the form. I wish I could develop one that took off like that...alas. But this one came very close to my heart, the beautiful beginning and end, and it featured one of my favorite actresses...chocolate. Which I've always said with either 2 or 3 syllables, so I think your fine there. Beautiful Partenza Represa

Answer 3

Very nice.  My only concern on these is flow from line to line, maybe since it is also limited to the 8 beats per line.  

Edit:  To me, you have 8 beats per line.  Choc o late is 3.  Maybe its the New Yawk speaking choclate!

Answer 4

I really like the core message and the metaphors.

However, to be a true Partenza, Spyfyr, the form's creator wants 8 beats to a line. This one is worth reworking.

Answer 5

Wow...another partenza represa :)  I'm loving it...how can I not?

Anyhow, I think you've done well and have created sweet poem with a tasty theme ;)  As for the line count, I think the syllable count in Cho*co*late is just a matter of dialect and will work as either a 2 or 3 count word.  Latino and Italian people may even pronounce it with 4 beats...Cho*co*la*te. Personally, I pronounce it with 3 syllables so it works for me.  Anyhow, I very much enjoyed reading your poem.  Another to add to my collection :)

Addition:  The 8686 beat was pre partenza represa.  I decided to make the line all 8 beats to allow more freedom and creativity so rewrote my poem using 8 beat lines.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should allow any number of beats provided they maintain a pattern because I still like the 8686 beat and I think that 5 foot lines would work nicely too.