My aunt won't EVER put my daughter down when she's around her!?

Question

I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and I see my aunt reguarly. Well, whenever I do, I can never hold or touch my own daughter! My aunt won't put her down. She says that she rarely ever sees my daughter! That's not true, I see her three times a week and she's over for dinner every other Friday! And if I dare hold my daughter for 2 seconds I'm hogging her. Hello? She's my daughter!

My aunt isn't lonely. She has her husband even a 4 year old son herself! It really bugs me. My aunt has always been like this. At her christening, my daughter's I mean, I had to actually insist she stayed in my arms, because my aunt kept on trying to steal her away.

My aunt also says bad things about me to my daughter. She tells her that I'm a bad Mommy and that she should want to live with her! Which isn't even true because I love my daughter and I would die for her!

But my aunt doesn't seem to think so. She's always holding her and my daughter sometimes cries for me and my aunt just says to her(c)

Answer 1

talk to her. sounds serious. maybe there's something your aunt is holding back (saying that you're a bad mom is a serious statement). if it doesn't get better after you talk to her, limit your time with her.

Answer 2

Woah she sounds like one mean lady.

I would sit down with her and be very firm. Tell her that she is to immediately stop saying negative things about you or your household is going to completely cut ties with her. Then she wont be able to see your child any more. You don't need her brainwashing your kid.

Explain to her that you are the mother. She has to respect your rules with regard to your family. That includes when & for how long she is allowed to hold your child.

She's using you as a doormat.  You need to stand up to this woman before your kid start believe that you're a doormat.

Why do you let her treat you this way?  That's ludacris.

Answer 3

Well I wouldnt bring her around that much maybe like once every week because I wouldnt deal with that I guess she really wants a girl y dont you tell her to try for one.

Answer 4

Your daughter must be her favorite niece. I used to have my favorite little cousin, I wouldn't put him down for any reason. However, the stuff she tells your daughter about you is very wrong and it has to STOP right now. I don't care if you have to be rude to your aunt, but I would tell her that she has no right to talk to your daughter about you that way. Tell her that if she continues, then she will be responsible for consequences that follow.

If she doesn't stop, then don't even let her in a house for dinner, I'm that serious.

Answer 5

I think you're right in trying to separate yourself from her for a while, maybe she will get the point. I know it sounds harsh, but you really have to do what is best for you and your daughter and if she is making both of you uncomfortable then you need to get away from the situation.

That's not to say that it won't hurt her feelings, it will, but soon she will have her own baby again and maybe it will fill whatever void she is feeling right now.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

You are the mom and you have complete control of your child, what she does, who holds her, etc.....  if you don't like your aunt's behavior, don't allow her to do it.  You can either talk to her about it one on one by going to her house when you can be alone with her (don't wait for the next family gathering) or you can call her and talk about it over the phone.  THEN, at the next family gathering, enorce what you told her.  She can't hog her and she can't be around her if she is going to say stupid things like her mommy is a bad mommy.

Answer 7

I can relate to the first bit, my aunty is the same, when DD was a newborn especially, I was doing everything wrong and she wouldn't let me have her, it really upset me. But,........the nasty things she is saying to your girl is out of order. You seriously should tell her to stop it or never let her see your daughter. Not only is it unfair on you as a mother BUT...she will damage that girl, especially seeing as though she is saying your a bad mother. That is sick! Get her out of your life before she does some damage you cannot fix. Good luck with this, it is a very tough situation.

Answer 8

i think i understand what your saying and for her to tell your daughter that your a bad mommy and she should live with her, is wrong and will confuse the child, but was she actually serious? she could have just been joking around,  you should also be gratefull that your daughter is loved by so many people....SHE is YOUR daughter everyone knows that...i think you should let your aunt spoil her, she may think she is doing no harm..i would talk to her though about the bad mommy thing..

Answer 9

Well I would tell your aunt that your little girl needs to be put down.Tell her its not good for a three year old to be held so much bc then before you know it their going in to kindargarten and asking their teachers to pic them up.O and also tell your aunt that it would be good 4 ur daughter to go and play with her cousin instead of being held .

Answer 10

Maybe in the beginning, your daughter didn't cry like the others did whenever your aunt held her so she felt closer to this niece than the others.  Sounds like she's attached herself to your child maybe because she's wishing it was her own daughter.  That could explain the bad-mouthing and the constant holding.  She just doesn't want to let go...ever!  That sounds like someone who's not mentally stable.  Can she no longer have children?  Maybe her husband doesn't want another one and she's desperate to have a daughter of her own.  

I would limit the time you spend with this aunt until she snaps out of her daydreaming.   I definitely wouldn't leave your daughter alone with her.  Don't make excuses for not seeing her, just tell her directly that her behavior around your daughter is not appropriate and if she doesn't stop it, she won't be seeing much of you and her anymore.

Answer 11

You need to talk to your aunt.  Tell her that if she is going to continue to behave that way with your daughter then she won't be able to see her as much.  That if she continues to talk bad to her about you that she won't be able to see her unless supervised.  

If your daughter wants you while she's holding her, you need to go take her.  Stick up for yourself and your child!

Answer 12

I would tell her plain and simple My daughtr can alk and will NOT be carried at all by anyone. I would also demand she give you the respect you deserve. Then tell he if she cant you will not see her. No excuses. Stick to it and either she will listen or you wont have to deal with he. She should not be bad mouthing her Aunt or not dont tolerate it