My baby is 5weeks old and my mil have been here with us since the second day she was born. she lives in

Question

another country and shes staying for 2months. this is our first child and her first grandcchild. im off for 3months and i breastfeed exclusively. to be honest all i do is feed her and change her diaper at night because she cosleeps with us. my mil does everything else for her during the day. she plays with her, talk to her, hold her, change her,bathe her, wash her hair, burp etc. after i feed her she takes her and do everything else. im very lost when it comes down to it all. i did take the class but it didnt really teach me anything. im afraid that after she leaves we will be lost. i dont even really talk to my baby much. when she cries i cant make her stop unless i feed her. i havent learn anything and im scared for my mil to leave. what do i need to do? i feel a bond with my baby but i dont do much for her btw my mil speaks spanish and i speak english so we dont talk

Answer 1

Wow. having a new baby is overwhelming,isn't it?It is great that  you have help for now. You are already doing a great thing by breastfeeding your baby. It sounds to me like you need a little bit of self confidence.  You could try to start doing small things by yourself with your baby, like going for a walk, or to a friends house.You guys will be fine, you just need to get to know each other a little better. Start with the  small things. tell mil you need to start doing more, and let her help you some of the time, but do a little more by yourself each day. You'll be supermom in no time.

Answer 2

Your MIL needs to back off. You won't learn anything unless you step in and do it. We're all born with instincts, but you still need to learn your individual baby and how to calm them and care for them. Even a simple little bath can be so different from baby to baby. YOU need to step up to the plate and be the mom. Start checking diapers and change them when they need to be changed. Give her a bath at night before your MIL gets the chance. Ask your husband to have her back off. You're the mother, you need to take care of your baby.  

Answer 3

I'm not a big fan of mil's, but I do think her intentions are good.  She's only going to be in the country for a short while, and she's trying to be a help to you in the only ways she knows how.  But, as the mother, you need to step up and take over your household.  Have her do things that don't involve the baby-like cooking and cleaning, while you take on the role of mother.  Good luck!

Answer 4

You already asked this.

Answer 5

I had some problems with my MIL also. We went to visit her when my son was about 3 months old. The very first night we were there, she was sitting in the backseat with the baby and my husband was driving, and I was up front with him. Next thing I know, we hear a click in the backseat and she has pulled him out of his carseat, while the car is moving! We were in her neighborhood and only about a block from her house, but it made me sooo mad! When we got to the house, I had her take the baby inside and pulled my husband off to the side out on the porch, and I told him that he needed to speak to her about it, because when we were in the car and it is moving, he is to be strapped in at all times!  Then, 2 days later, we were at an ice cream shop, and next thing I know she is trying to feed the baby ice cream! And at this point, I stepped up and told her that she had better not give my infant ice cream. She does a lot of things like that, that make me very uncomfortable and it is very difficult for me to confront her about these types of things. So, I talk to him about it, and ask him to confront her because she is his mother. It would be easy for her to get upset with me, but she won't get upset with him. But at the same time, my husband doesn't like to confront his mother about things, so it falls on me. It would just be so much easier if you didn't have the language barrier. But you should really have your husband talk to her. Don't let her take the baby out of your arms after you feed her. She is your child. "no" is a pretty international word, she will understand that. She needs to understand that YOU are the parent! She has raised her children, and while you appreciate the help, this is your little girl! As your child grows, you are really going to regret not being the one doing these things for her while she is this young.  

Answer 6

I assume your hubby speaks Spanish.  Ask him to ask his mother to show you what to do.  She can guide you even though you don't speak.  Write your questions down during the day for later translation.

You need to start taking over now so you will be able to take care of the baby when MIL is gone.

And start talking to your baby.  Sing songs.  Hold her and play with her.

What are you doing during the day if you aren't taking care of your child?

Grandma should be doing the cooking and cleaning while you are washing and rocking and taking care of baby.

Answer 7

Why aren't you learning from your mother in law? Involve yourself. If you sit on the couch while your mother in law cares for your baby, she's going to have no choice but to care for your baby.

If you have so much spare time, why not start learning Spanish? Then you can bring your bub up bilingually, which sounds like a very good idea in your situation.

Answer 8

Well you ahve a few things in common, firstly yourhusband, her son. have him bridge the language gap. watch what shes doing, have your husband ask her some questions for you. make sure you right them down.

you will be fine, your bond with your daughter will only grow as you spend more time with her.  breastfeeding is a bonding experience let that lead you in getting closer to her and knowing her needs.

Answer 9

You need to ask your husband to step in and have him explain to his mother that you need to be able to play with your daughter, change her, bathe her, burp her, etc.

The only way to learn how to be a mother is to BE a mother.  Sad, but true.  I think your mother in law has forgotten that basic fact, and in her anxiety to care for the baby, she's cut you out of the loop.

Have your husband ask her to do other things around the house to help you out and let you have the bonding time you need with your daughter.  She can cook, clean, etc. to her heart's content and let you just be quiet with your child.

I'd suggest that you do it, but the language barrier is too much for you.  Complicating all of this is your natural post-partum depression, so hubby needs to take a stand with his mother.

Answer 10

To be honest all the stuff your mil is doing you should be doing it. Its alright for her to help but when shes gone your going to be the mother figure. So you should get use to it now.Or let the mil move in or get a full time nanny.But you'll be fine if you can change a diaper.

Answer 11

Before your mil leaves,you need to begin doing those things with the baby,I understand you might have housework and things to do during the day and maybe take a nap since your recoving from having a baby,, but you need to start NOW,, your baby's getting used to the grandmother more than she is to you. I'd like to know what classes you took and why didn't it teach you anything ?

Answer 12

You should've thought of that before you had a baby. And have your husband translate any questions you have for your MIL

Answer 13

You definitely need to start getting in the daytime routine right away because the next few weeks will go by very quickly. Ask your husband to talk with his mother to help show you how to do things. If you could do the feeding and changing at night, you will do great in the day time. You need to be there side by side when your mil is doing things the next couple of days, and you should be taking over everything by the end of next week. You should have never allowed your mil to take over like she has in the first place because now you have to regain control from your mil and show your baby who the mother is. Good luck to you.

By the way, try going on altavista.com to try to translate some phrases you could say or write to your mil.

Answer 14

You did not indicate that there is animosity with your m.i.l., just that you are afraid you are not learning on your own.  If she is respectful and seems to just enjoy doing it, then I think you are ok.  

If you are breastfeeding exclusively, you are getting more bonding than many first moms get.  Just try to participate a little more as the time for you m.i.l. to leave gets closer.  Hand her the bath soap, get the towel, throw away the diapers, etc.  When she leaves, you will be nervous at first, but you already know what to do.  You are sustaining life already.

If however you resent her, you need to have your husband help to communicate for you.  

Otherwise, you are blessed to have a great teacher and extra help for this long.   Try to relax and enjoy it and show her you are grateful, if you are.

Answer 15

Relax.  

With my baby, I worried I wasn't bonding enough.  My husband worried he didn't know what to do.  With time, it became clear that we would be fine.  

The first 3 months though is kind of hard.  I recommend reading "The Happiest Baby on the Block" since it explains how the first three months is almost a fourth trimester, and the baby just basically eats, sleeps, poops.  And it will help with the crying.  

Time goes fast.  My baby is 9 months old now, and crawling, babbling, eating solids... relax, breathe, and enjoy this time with your little babe now, even with your MIL taking over so many things.  It won't be that bad.  You can handle it.

Answer 16

I felt the same way when we brought my son from the hospital and I think that it is completely normal to feel the way that you do. Don't worry you will do fine. If my husband and I can make it through, so can you. I now have a 27 month old toddler.