My baby wants me to hold her or carry her all the time.?

Question

I have a 4 month old girl. We had a complicated delivery and I felt afterward like I need to hold her a lot because I could have lost her due to complications. But she is now healthy 4 months old and she can't be without me for a minute. They say you can't spoil a baby but I thing I did. I can't stand to hear her cry and so I do what she wants and carry her around without reason. If I don't do that she just gets hysterical. My husband is very sensitive to her crying too so he does the same. i have tried to break this habit but it is so hard, especially when I don't know what to do. I get advices like "you just have to let her cry" but I how long? I'm afraid that when she cries like that something is wrong and so I pick her up. But since I have to go back to school to finish my degree in fall I will need much more time to do homework and study. What should I do?

Answer 1

The limit will become clear to you as time goes on. You need to do what works for you and your husband and try not to listen to others, even well intentioned others. A 4 month old baby can not be "spoiled" but, YOU can begin to feel manipulated. This can more easily happen when you hear what others say and take to heart what you hear about "spoiling", etc. Going with your gut is worth it almost all the time. There are lots of supportive expert-type books about how to raise children and many of them are completely in favor of holding and carrying a baby, as wanted,  for much longer than 4 months. One important thing to keep in mind too is that once you "try" to let her "cry it out" and give in time after time after a short while (or a longer while), you end up undermining what you are "generally" trying to build in your relationship with her, as in trust. There is no reason to "begin" to "let her cry it out" unless you are really planning to keep it up. Otherwise you are only causing confusion and anxiety for yourselves and the baby and accomplishing nothing other than a eroding of the trust you want to build.

Answer 2

this is simple your gonna have to let her cry alot longer put her in her room and close the door turn up the tv and pretend she is asleep  or what u do is i will be in the same room with her  when she starts crying i talk to her smile at her give her milk be next to her but refrain from picking her up BABIES ARE SMART THEY KNOW HOW TO GET THINGS BUT YOU HAVE BE THE PARENT your the boss babies will cry for hours just to let you know that butall they want is for someone to pick them up so dont budge  

Answer 3

Hire a sitter for when you study. That way, you know she's cared for and being held. At 4 mos, cry it out is not effective. Get a sling and wear her in it. At the same time, if you need a shower, need to throw a load in the washer, or need to do something quickly, as long as she's fed, changed, and you know she's not in physical pain and she's in a safe spot, it's completely ok to leave her for five or ten minutes. Especially if it's driving you crazy.You'd rather put her down and walk away for ten minutes than do something you might later regret. You need to do what is comfortable for you--it doesn't matter what other people say you should do. What do YOU feel you should do? If you need to hire someone so you can finish school or study when Dad's home, then that's what you've got to do. If that makes you uncomfortable, you may need to toy around with the idea of waiting on going back to school.  

Answer 4

I'm sure by now you have her on a schedule. If you don't a schedule will help. Have someone else pick her up when she is crying. Then eventually she will understand that she can't have you every time. Or don't touch her just stand near her so she can see you. You know her cries and you know deep down when something is wrong. If she is just crying to get your attention just stand above her and talk to her so she can hear your voice. But don't pick her up. Good luck.  

Answer 5

Try reading a book called "Happiest Baby On The Block"

I was able to get one at the library if you dont feel like buying one

there is also a Dvd that goes with it too if you can find it

Answer 6

oh dear..... no, no, no, no NO!!! to the other answers suggesting slings!!! i think a sling is the WORST possible thing you can do...

babies dont usualy develop the separation anxiety thing until around 8 months so you need to start teaching your daughter now.

i know how hard it is and i feel for you, but if you pick her up every time she cries you will have the hardest time as she gets older.

do you have family you could leave her with for an hour or so while you do the shopping?

the best way to help is to leave her crying for a bit. she needs to learn that she can sit by herslef for a while. lay her on a play mat and do the vaccuming or sit and watch a tv programme. she will cry, of course, coz she's obviously not used to being by herself but she needs to learn. if you can't stand her crying, lay her down where you can keep an eye on her and play some music to stop the crying from stressing you out. i know it's hard but it has to be done know - otherwise it will get a h**l of a lot harder when she;s older... she needs to learn now that crying isn't the way to get a cuddle.

good luck :-)

Answer 7

I say just hold her or get a baby carrier. I did that with my son. It was fine. She will stop eventually. I enjoyed that time of closeness. You can not spoil her. People say that and they are telling a lie. Everytime they say she is spoiled say no she is not. Because she is not spoiled just bonding and it last's a lifetime so enjoy. I am glad she and you made it!

Answer 8

You're gonna have to let her cry to learn to be alone.  5 minutes, then 10 minutes ...  At 4 months she needs attention and talk to her (in real language, not googoogaga), but not constant holding.  Hold her for a bit and lay her down and talk to her. She needs to know there is somebody who will care for her, but also needs to learn there is not constant care.

Sit by the crib and read the study books outloud. Child gets attention and both can learn.  

Answer 9

just carry her when you need to like for her to burp or whenever you just need to pick her up just ignore her and she will get over it been through that it only took me one day

Answer 10

I agree with the above post about a sling - but at 4 months, she might start to get a bit heavy for a sling.  Try a sleepywrap or a maitai carrier - something that distributes the weight on both shoulders.

Love your baby!

Answer 11

i think thats adorable

help me please!!!!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 12

I have a son who is now 13 months. I say hold her when you can. There is a great sling you can make (not difficult) and you can wear her around the house if you need your hands free. I worried that I was spoiling my son but he didn't cry much because he was with me all the time.  By now, you can tell the differences in your daughter's cries. If she's really distressed I would go get her. But if is the "Wahhh.." pause, (listening for response) type cry, she will be okay... but when my son is hysterical I do stop to calm him down. Do you have a playpen? I put my son in his play pen where he can see me and I can still get my work done. Hang in there. I know its tough. I am in college too. But do give yourself time to focus on your work. When my son is getting really upset because I don't pick him up, I start singing...he usually stops to hear what I am singing. I also read my text books to him while I am studying. This also entertains him. Who knows maybe I will have a prodigy who can describe abnormal psychology by the time he's 3 lol (jk)

Answer 13

She's only 4 mths.  Hold her when she cries.   if she was older I'd agree there's a problem. th

Answer 14

Does she have lots of toys that she can look at, or bat at.  When my son was that age, we got him an exersaucer.  We just supported his body with blankets.  I have also learned with the little girl that I watch now.  She don't want to lay in the bassinet or crib, she is much more content with a blanket on the floor, with some toys to look at.  If at all possible have someone take her for a while, because a clingy baby can get frustrating for mom and dad.  GOOD LUCK

Answer 15

sell her, your gonna get a good price from a rich couple who cant have kids.

Answer 16

I had the same problem with my niece, i had to watch her for a week and it was horrible, the little girl just wants to eat or to be picked up and it was a pain in the a**, i tried to just leave her their and cry but i just cant seem to do it so i pick her up and walk around with her, Thank God that week is OVER but i dont know, try to get like something that rocks, not a chair but like a carseat that swings, that's what my sister got and it works sometimes, Good Luck!!

Answer 17

she is still too young to know anything else but being with you.

don't let her cry it out, they turn red and rash from the lack of oxygen to the brain.  get a sling and embrace your child.

she will sleep inthe sling, she is still use to hearing and feeling your heart beat and the vibration of you voice,

good luck mom !  

Answer 18

I had the same issue with my little girl AND  I did the same thing as you I picked her up and held her every time  I couldnt bear to hear her cry....She is now 14 yrs old and I dont regret a minute of it -- they grow up so fast --- Dont worry she will eventually outgrow it -- mine did and I wish I could still hold her and feel her sweet baby-smell  ENJOY it while she is young.  They do grow up too fast...ANd, No  she is not spoiled  she is a well adjusted happy teenager.  Good Luck  I know it is not easy to be so "needed" but it will be over before you know it.  RELAX and ENJOY