My babys going to be adopted but i dont want him to hate me?

Question

he was born 3 weeks ago and i visit him almost everyday but everyone has told me that i should stop seeing him as much because it is going to be to hard for me to let go and ive all ready been diagnosed with depression. im trying to write a letter for him at the moment and am making a book with pictures of us together so he can look at it has he his growing up. i just wanted to know if there is anything else that i could do to show him how much i love him so that he doesnt grow up hating me

Answer 1

Sophia... if he is brought up be decent people who aknowledge the fact that if you could you would have raised him yourself he will not hate you.

How could he hate you for loving him so much you have made a massive sacrifice and put his needs before your own emotions.

I think the book and letter is a beautiful thought and one hopefully he will treasure. Be kind to yourself and don't let anyone bully you into doing anything you don't want to do

Take care x

Answer 2

Sounds to me like you don't want to give him up?

silly question but is it your decision to do it or are you being forced into it?

The book and pictures sound like a lovely idea.

Congrats to you by the way for not having an abortion xx

EDIT ----------------

I just read your previous question...I'm so sorry what happened to you but please don't let any man make you give this baby up.

The best revenge is to succeed and be successful.

Answer 3

I think that a letter and the book are great ideas it's alot more than most moms do why they give up their kids for adoption...if this is an open adoption then just try to visit your son even if it's just once a month so he knows who you are.

Answer 4

I think that is a fine idea. I am not sure what kind of adoption and what the rules are in your area. I think that is a wonderful thought though.

Answer 5

try and have a open adoption to where you can

go visit him. and make sure the ppl are good ppl.

and im sure he would appreciate the letter and book of

pictures..

Answer 6

Your depression will NEVER go away.  And your boy will never get over your loss.  Ever.

Do some reading:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.b******s.org/bq/babb2.html

Adoption studies:

http://crimemagazine.com/07/adoptionfore...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Books:

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton

The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

Answer 7

try and build a relationship up with the adopted parents as much as possible so that they will tell your baby about you early in life, and give them the numbers and letters... i think that is the key because ultimately they will be the link, and it will be up to them how much they talk about you. Ask if you could possibly be involved. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well the fact that you are allowing him to be adopted by a loving family that can actually support him, shows that you love him. But is the family that is adopting him allowing you to continue to see him throughout his life? If so, just stay active in his life.

Answer 9

Im sure his adoptive parents will never speak badly of you and will explain his questions in the nicest way. think about people arntgonna want him to feel unwanted are they? so everyone will tell him it how it was, he wont hate you

Answer 10

Im desperate for a baby and could never imagine giving a child up for adoption - is this really the only answer - to give your baby away?

Please dont - he will miss you - his mommy

x

Answer 11

I think that you should look into an open adoption or make arrangements to be able to continue to have pictures and letters exchanged.  Writing him a letter that explains why you made the decision and expresses your deep love for him is wonderful.  I would start a diary as well and over the years continue to write to him and tell him about your life so that if you are seperated for years when you do reunite you will be able to share with him your thoughts and care over the years.

Answer 12

Sophia,

How about trying to parent him yourself, first?

I'm going to post some links you MUST read before signing your parental rights away forever.  Make an informed decision PLEASE.

I know you think keeping your baby in not that simple.  From an "older" lady sometimes life is as simple as we make it.  

I do believe in choice.  Read these links so you know what your future might hold.  If you are still okay with adoption then fine you at least will be making an informed decision.  I'm not judging you, i'm trying to look out for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LHoUAQrv...

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://www.birthmothers.info/

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/open_adoptio...

http://www.exiledmothers.com/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

Answer 13

you seem to care a lot about this baby.  why are you giving it up?  why don't you just work your *** off to support him?  i'm not a big fan of social benefits, but as long as they are there, you should take use of what the government will help you with.  the only thing i ask; please don't have any more children until you are able to support them yourself.  but we all make mistakes, and both you and the baby will be happier in the long run if you stay together.

Answer 14

keep him then. He'll hate you for giving him away, but he'll love you if you sacrifice to raise him. I dont know the circumstances, but I always put up a fight for those i love

Answer 15

Choose the adoptive parents yourself.  Make sure they understand your love for this child and how much it means to you for him to know about it.

My daughter is very secure in the fact that her first mother loves her.  However, some adoptive parents don't nurture that love and are afraid to acknowledge that it really does exist.

God bless you for loving this baby so much.  One day he will understand.

Answer 16

I suggest keeping a diary that you do not mind him reading sometime in the future.  I am certian it will have in it many words of love regading you and him and reasons why you have delayed your visitation with him.

Answer 17

He wont hate you..your doing the best thing for him if you can't handle a child right now.  I have a close family member who adopted out 2 children..and nothing bad ever came of that...free your mind..the rest will follow...write the letter and ask the parents to give it to the child when he turns 18!  Good luck :)  Put a lock of your hair in the book..then he will always have something real of you and...................your DNA!

Answer 18

One of my best friends was adopted. She has never seen her birth-parents, but she will on her 18th birthday. She understands that her mother couldn't take care of her because she was too young at the time. I think that my friend is happier not seeing her mother because it would be too hard for both of them. She loves her adopted parents very much, and looks forward to seeing her real parents, though. She doesn't hate her mother-she doesn't even know her. Your baby will NOT hate you while growing up. make sure that he/she has loving parents and a good home.

Answer 19

That is a great Idea of the book you are making for him, maybe you can write a poem for him also. But please be sure that you want to put him for adoption because sometimes we make mistakes and we regret them later.

Good Luck

Answer 20

You've just made me cry :( it must be so hard for you to give up your baby, i could never even imagine it.

As long as your doing this because it's in the baby's best interest, why would he hate you?  Maybe one day he'll want to ask questions, i think you'll just need to be there to explain to him.

Good luck

Maj

Answer 21

I really think you should reconsider your son will give you the will to  carry on you should tell your family the truth and they will help you through this your son is only 3 weeks old  he needs you just as much as you need him you can take a year out of uni when you tell them the truth and put your baby in the creche dont let the b******d ruin your and your sons life you both deserve to be happy im such people will be supportive of what you decide good luck to the both of you x

Answer 22

Insist upon an open adoption.  This way, he can contact you when he gets older.  Tell him that this is the only way you see possible for him to have a normal life.  Make sure you keep copies of the pictures of the 2 of you together.  Some adoptive parents throw stuff like that away.  I have tried to keep an open adoption with my son's first mom, but she doesn't visit, and then there are so many APs that don't even tell their kids they're adopted.  Pray for the best, and try to get to know the AP's to make sure you can trust them.  If you don't feel like you can, find different ones.

Answer 23

leave a contact number or address or something so that he is able to contact you and keep it or tell him where he will be able to find you. I know this seems impossible because it could be 18 years down the line but i assume for a child, if u explain your situation and he does then want to give you a chance he can get intouch at any point. I'd make him aware of this too.. saying that basically if he ever needs you or would like to contact you your door is forever open.

Answer 24

Well done you for being so brave.

A letter and a book are a wonderful idea. make sure that you include your reasons for giving him up. As long as he understands why, he will never hate you.

You are in for a very hard time, but don't forget to keep some photos and memories for yourself.

Answer 25

Let go.  This child will grow up in a home that not only loves him, but can do right by him.  Are you financially able to provide for this child?   He won't hate you for being the birth mother, he would hate you more for raising him in poverty.

Answer 26

I was adopted at birth.  He won't hate you.  But I think you're going to need some serious professional help if you think you will be able to give him away after "visiting" him for 3 weeks.  

Have you considered an open adoption, so that you know where he'll be and the adopting parents will know who you are?  

Mine was closed and it took 13 years to complete a search after I turned  18.

Answer 27

Well first of all you should know that you are doing such a brave thing.  Most people would be too selfish to admitt that it would be better to put their child up for adoption.  He may be angry at first, but as he gets older I am sure that he will realize that you were just trying to do the right thing for him.  I think the letter and pictures is a great idea.  Good luck to you.

Answer 28

You have always got to consider the fact that no matter what you do he will question why you didn't want him.That is just a factor of what you are doing.Which is quite unbelievable in this day & age!!!Not everyone who's adopted has trust isues,but please consider the cross you are going to give him to beare for the rest of his life.Please contact this organisation before you make your final decision.I really do wish you well.

Answer 29

Maybe You Could Make Him One Of Those Patchwork Blankets With Bits Of Your Clothes You Dont Want Mabe Some Of His Baby Grows

Buy Or Make Him A Speacil Teddy

I think The Picture Book Things A Wounderfull Idea

Maybe You Could Record a Dvd Saying How Much You Love Him

But Obv That would Be A Thing For When Hes A Bit Oldeer

Answer 30

You can register, i think its with the Samaritans but you will need to check with the adoption agency they should help you, so that in the future he can find you if he wants to.You just keep the details up to date ie change of name address etc with them and if he ever comes looking they will let you know. Good luck

Answer 31

I cried so much when I read this.   Why do you want to have him adopted if yo u love him so much.?  It must be the  hardest thing on earth to do and it would kill me if I had to do it.  A baby is the most precious thing you can ever have .. money possessions   there is NOTHING in comparison !!!! It is the most beautiful thing in the world.  Please please think again and dont give him up   :(

Every single word that Crazy Pregnant Lady above me has said is true and my feelings too.