My best friend is become a foster mum soon (it's different to adoption), and l want to do her a 'baby shower'

Question

We know that she's getting a child under 5 years old, and she's having long term placements, which means the kids stay for 1 year-forever sometimes. Even though she's not adopting a child, she's chosen to be a foster mum instead of having her own kids, which l really admire her for, and nobody has bought her any gifts the way she does for her family and all of her friends when they are pregnant. l got a little bit upset for her, and thought of throwing her a kind of baby shower where everyone gives a gift that's *neutral*, to age or s*x, like books, stuffed animals, a gift card, something like that? What do other people think? She doesn't even get a baby bonus like people who are having a baby do, she's spent like $2000 of her own money buying stuff for the child/children she'll have. Do you think it's wrong for her to get a *baby* shower?

Answer 1

I think its a great idea, but I agree...just once. Not for every new child.  Perhaps general gifts that she can use as she gets new kids.  I heard of one that had a shower and asked friends and family to bring  "gently used" baby and kid stuff".  Sounds good to me.

Answer 2

I don't think it is a bad idea. I would say though that these kids come with nothing in most cases. I have kept some of the clothes my daughter has out grown but are still in great condition for this purpose. I may become a foster parent again. Clothes are the biggest expense for foster parents. Toys are good too but it is harder to get gender nuetral toys. Little girls will want the princess stuff and boys will want Spider man and action figures. Games are good too. Kids tend to get attached to specific stuffed animals though. Gift cards are a GREAT idea. I did not spend $2000 for things for my former foster children but I did have to buy beds, mattresses dressers etc and spent almost $1000 on that stuff. I had no kids and nothing for them to play with. They were in foster care before I got them so they did have some toys they brought with them but not much. I bought games to play with them. I was fortunate that my parents also treated them with the same care that they did with my sisters bio kids. They sent a care package with clothes after I was able to get the rights sizes for each of them. On their birthdays and holidays they were sent similar "care packages" as my niece and nephews which always included clothes. Gift cards are definately the way to go because she will not know what they need.  

I would not have a shower though after she receives placement of the children. It might look strange to the kids. They will expect to be returning home and a shower/celebration will look to them like it is a permanant deal. They will not understand why these strangers are celebrating them going into foster care. Hold the celebrations until their birthdays.

Answer 3

I am adopted and I remember my Mom telling me that she was sad that none of her sisters gave her a baby shower when she came home with me. I think it's a great thing to help her and to celebrate the arrival of her child.

Answer 4

I think its a great idea. Its no different than if she was having her own bio child. I do only think it should be done once though. She may get children in and out and you cant expect that for every child she gets. Although a little welcome gift for each child would be nice if you can afford it.

Answer 5

As a foster mom, I can not tell you enough what a wonderful idea that is!  It is difficult sometimes, becuase you don't know the age or s*x of the child or children and it is hard to know what you will need, but it sounds like you have a great plan to deal with that!  When we got our first foster care placement, the children arrived two hours after we got the call.  We had an infant and a toddler placed with us and we were only prepared for older children.  Our families went out right away and bought us some basics to get us through the first few days.  I hope you do have the shower and I hope her family is supportive of the idea!

Answer 6

It is a great idea.  I'm so thrilled that people (like yourself) are starting to realize and understand the importance of fostering as much as having a child thru birth.

Another thing you might want to consider would be a "welcome home party" once the child has arrived.  This would help to make the child feel extra-special and you can shower the child with gifts.  

One of the best ideas that my friends did for my baby shower was they put in the invitations "help to build a child's library and please bring a book for the wishing well".  My son has an amazing library now of children's books that he loves.  

My "baby showers" were also after my son came home (at the age of 6 mos) so everyone got to meet him and enjoy him during my shower.  It was a wonderful experience.  

Good luck to you and your friend.

Answer 7

you should throw a party to celebrate the fact that she has fostered a child and people should bring along gifts

you should have a banner saying we are so proud of you .

you could also give her cards

Answer 8

l think that's a really beautiful thing to do, and l've got to say, your best friend is very lucky for having you as her best friend!  l'm a foster mom myself (along with my husband), and we really appreciate the people in our lives who treat the children that we foster the same way as they treat our other children.  l thing you have an excellent idea there, l actually suggested something similar a little while back to another person on here!  l would definately do that, just like any baby shower, people are free to choose whether or not they attend, how much they spend on a gift, etc, so it's not like you're forcing anybody into it.  Another idea for those who feel uncomfortable not knowing what age to buy for is to give an 'arrival' gift when the child actually comes to your friend.  That way, people get to greet the child (after a few days of course), and give a small gift to welcome the child.  But l definately love your idea of a 'fostering' shower!  Tell your friend l wish her the best of luck, and l know she will be so blessed by the great adventure she's about to start!

Answer 9

I also admire her for doing so.  I would definetly throw her a shower.  Even if you say gift cards to babies r us and target are best, because then she can get as she needs, depending on the age of the child.

Answer 10

I think that would be a really sweet thing to do!

Answer 11

Wrong? Not at all I think that is the sweetest thing to do. I think getting gift cards would be good since you aren't sure of the s*x or the age of the child...maybe ask her if she needs help setting up the kids room...there is so much to get and prepare for with a receiving a child....again, what you are doing is the sweetest....good luck and I hope all works out for your friend!

Answer 12

That's a great idea.  And your friend is really lucky that you appreciate her and would think to do something so nice for her.  She deserves it.  You can ask everyone to bring gift cards since you don't know the exact age or s*x of the child yet.  That way, she can get whatever she needs when the child arrives.  Good luck!

Answer 13

Not at all..a friend of ours had one and everyone bought. generic gifts like you mentioned. I think it's a wonderful idea for you to do that.I'm guessing other's haven't given her anything because they don't know what to get or do since it's a unique situation. I'd put on the invites to have presents be neutral or even give specific ideas.