My best friend just died..?

Question

from cancer and since she has no family I agreed to raise her 12 year old daughter. I already have five children of my own. She came to live with us three months ago and since then she has been in counseling. Unfortunantly she has beat up my nine year old son on one occasion, and has stolen money out of mine and my husbands wallets, she stole my credit card and ran up a three thousand dollar bill from the mall buying her friends New Balance shoes, and basically buying them shopping sprees. She dresses really S****y, and even my husband is uncomfortable around her as she has been coming onto him. I walked in on her from the grocery store trying to sit on my husbands lap and he kept pushing her off. When I got home he just looked at me and said he can't deal with this and left for the day. I caught her hanging my two month old baby upside down and laughing with one of her friends. I have tried all kinds of punishment. How do you give boundaries to a child who never had any?

Answer 1

this was on desperate housewives kind of.

they just were smarter than her.

take her to counsling maybe get her on some drugs.

or lay down the line give her rules and be the parent.

your friend will thank you.

Answer 2

Whoa. This kid needs some major help. Does the entire family participate in therapy? If not probably a good idea. Is there any money to send her to a cancer survivors camp (they have these for kids) she is clearly acting out and needs to be loved but has no idea how to get it. Good luck.

Answer 3

Use a belt.

Answer 4

Yikes..I'm sorry to hear about your friend and your situation...It sounds like your friends daughter may be acting out her grief (which does NOT excuse her bad behavior)...After catching her mistreating your children, I would not leave them with her until her behavior is more mature and trustworthy...I would also keep the credit/debit cards well hidden...Have you considered having her talk with a psychiatrist or therapist...I wish that I could give a better answer to help...Best wishes to you and your family....I hope it gets easier for you all....

Answer 5

If i was u i'd be in jail...

Answer 6

if taking her to a therapist doesn't work, threaten her with boot camp. if she still acts up, send her to it until she straitens up. if she "straitens up" then comes back and is horrible call a nanny. a mean one too just for her.

Answer 7

Promising that you'd take care of her doesn't mean that you have to tolerate illegal and dangerous behavior.  In fact, to go on allowing her to do whatever she wants wouldn't be taking proper care of her at all; eventually she'll either hurt herself or someone else.  Apparently the counseling she is getting isn't working; she may need to try a different type of therapy or live somewhere else, like a foster home or residential treatment center.  

Possibly she's acting out her grief, or maybe she would just resent anyone who has been thrust into the role of her parent (because she may think they're trying to replace her mother).  If she's "never had any boundaries" and doesn't accept your authority to set some, you need help from someone whose authority she will accept - hopefully a therapist, but if that doesn't work, it might have to be the courts or social services.

Sorry - this must be very hard to do.

Answer 8

Sorry about ur friend and yes u made a promise and ur doing ur bit but ur children and husband are been dangered by this girl...Yes she has lost her mam and she may be rebelling to the fact that she has no one and may think that as she has no one she can do as she pleases... What id do is id sit her down and say look if these issues dont change im sorry but ur going to have to put into care where someone can give u the one on one time and deal with u...Tell her this is her last warning and if she disobeys the warning i would immediatly take her to care or contact a social worker...Id also advise her that once she has calmed down she can come bk...If she realises tahts she is going to lose the only family she has left she might wake up and smell the coffee and settle herself down...Yes i know u made a promise but if ur friend was around stil im sure the child wouldnt act like this so y should u take it...

Answer 9

how does she get to the mall? I would eliminate that opportunity right off.

Having s*x?! at age 12?!

Wow...she does need some help,

I would encourage you, you husband and her to seek family counseling. The counselor needs to be made aware of what is going on, and she needs to be there so that she knows everyone is on the same page.

I do not know how much money you have, but....if you are uncomfortable with how she is dressing...take all her "S****y" clothes, and buy her ones that you find more appropriate. If you want to try and give her a little "freedom" you may even let he know that you are going to take her to the mall and get her some clothes...she can "help" you pick them out, but don't let her walk all over you!

Do not let her have friends over for a couple weeks. Let her know you do not approve of her treating your family like this. Let her know that since she is now apart of your family, she has to start following family rules. Treat her no differently than you would your own children, because if your children grow up with this girl being treated "special" they could in turn start to misbehave because they see that she gets rewarded for it.

Best of luck, seek family counseling

oh- and also, YOU ARE NOT FAILING, you made the promise to your friend, and you are doing your very best given the circumstances....keep up the good work

Answer 10

you have to think of your family at this point...she has to have some family.....sit her down and talk to her..if she continues...you need to put her in foster care.....your family has to come first and it my be the best for the girl too