My bf's mom refuses to attend my sons 1st Bday/Baptism party..?

Question

She said if her ex husband goes, she will not go. My bf wants both of them to go. The party will be at my moms house and it is going to be big since we are celebrating both his 1st birthday and baptism.

Basically my bf's mom and his dad had this horrible break up back when he was just a kid and he re-married and she never did, she remained a bitter old lady. My bf's dad is basically paying for everything and we appreciate him for that. He doesnt even care if his ex-wife is there as long as she keeps her distance. My bf's mom thinks he is choosing his father over her and shes always telling him what a bad father he was etc. My bf doesnt listen to her because his father is not at all how she describes.

This is really upsetting me and my bf most of all. He thought she would go regardless because she shows a lot of affection for our baby. Now I dont know what will happen with out relationship with her if she does not go. His party is in 2 weeks. Anyone ever been in a similar situation? =/

Answer 1

My mother in law hates my father in law.  But, she has come to my sons parties regardless.  I would tell her to put her feelings aside and grow up.  If she doesn't go, then I would separate myself and your child from her.  IF she doesn't care enough about your child to act like an adult one day, then she is very selfish.

Answer 2

I would tell the exwife to do something different during the party and have her come over for a special dinner and movie the same day, stupid arguments and belittling comments makes the party lame for everyone not just for those two. Keep them seperate and explain to the exwife you are doing this for the interest of all the guests and not to take it personal since your bfs dad is paying for the party. plus, I think dinner and a movie is much more fun and personal than a huge birthday party.  

Answer 3

If she wants to act like a spoiled old wench then let her.  She's going to be the one missing out.  Your son and all the other guests will probably have a better time if they don't have to be witness to her temper tantrums anyhow.  As for her thinking that your bf is choosing his father over her, put the ball in her court by making it very clear to her that this is HER choice and she will be the only one regretting it later on that she wasn't there.

Answer 4

It is so not about them, mom seems so needy.  Invite her, if she shows, great...if not, don't worry about it.  Remember it's about your little one not some ish that happened over 20 years ago!!!!!

Answer 5

she needs to grow up. seriously, shes not going to go to her grandsons 1st birthday/baptism party just because her ex will be there. she needs to get over it.

Answer 6

She is acting like an immature child, when you are a mother/grandmother you put your kids/grand kids needs before your own!  My mother and father divorced when I was 6 after being married for 20 years, because my father cheated on her.  He is now married to the women he was cheating with and my mother hates him!  My 18th birthday was this year and I wanted my WHOLE family to go to dinner together, my father paid for everything and no matter how awkward it was for my mom she still came because she knew it would make me happy.  I think you should just tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't come then she is going to be missing out on a big event in your son's life and you aren't sure what it is going to do to your relationship with her.  It's not like they are going to be the only 2 there, she doesn't even need to talk to him.  She needs to think about you two and her grandson before making such selfish decisions!!

Answer 7

You have two choices:

Option 1)  Be direct:  Tell her to suck it up and put on her "big girl panties."  It's a few hours for one day.  Surely she can be adult enough for her son and grandson.  He's only going to get one first birthday and one baptism.  Does she really want to be absent from all the pictures and have to explain that to your son in the future?

Option 2)  Be passive:  In your best sugary-sweet tone, tell her how much this day means to all of you.  Explain that while you know this day may be hard for her, you SO appreciate how wonderfully mature and selfless she's being to put her son and grandson first, before her own feelings.  You all want her there and you can't imagine the day without her.  (She'll eat it up even if it is a load of c**p).

Answer 8

you have a BF and a kid, she should care more about her grandchild than herself if she doesn't want to come because of some issue she has from 20 years ago to bad tell her its her loss and if she wants to be part of YOUR family she needs to get over it. Let her know now that you don't intent to s***w around with this whole situation. Decide that you will be having these events Birthday, holidays  and such at your home or where ever and everybody will  be invited and thats the way its going to be.

Answer 9

Relax...you get your BF to tell her that its her loss...whatever happened between her and his Father is water under the bridge.  She doens't have to talk to him.  She will miss out.  Your BF's father is part of your child's life like she is, and she will be the one to miss out

Answer 10

Sadly, this is going to be an issue for every holiday for your child.  My husband's parents are the same way.  I just had to tell my Mother in law that she could miss it if she wanted, but it was going to be her loss, that my father in law `was going to be invited.  Your boyfriend just needs to have a heart to heart with her, and let her know that his dad is going to be invited to all of your son's special events, and if she wants to miss them, that was her decision.  He is the baby's grandfather as much as she is the baby's grandmother.  My mother in law has come around now, but it took a while.  She missed quite a few events before she realized that she was the only one missing out.

Answer 11

Invite her.

Call her up and tell her that you really want her to come but only if she can act like an adult. That the baby is not just her grandchild but her ex's grandchild as well and she can grow up and behave or not come.

Then go on with the party. That's all you can do.

Answer 12

it definately sounds like she is bitter over the fact that her x remarried and im sure she has nasty feelings at thinking her family was taken from her, ie. your with her son, and now have your own family....so she might be lost and she likes the drama who knows...

i would try hard to have your bf talk to her and let her know this is about (your kids name)..its his day and its an important celebration, and we want u there. tell her it's selfish to think if her problems and past problems when its about the babies b-day and baptism.