My bf doesn't have a job?

Question

My bf is great, he treats me better than anyone else ever has but there is one problem. He was laid off about 5 or 6 months ago and hasn't been able to find anything steady since then. As a result, I've been paying for almost everything (anytime we go out, I pay. Last month I helped him pay for his rent). I am growing tired of his instability but at the same time I feel guilty about thinking this way because maybe he is just going through hard times and really can't find a job. Part of the reason this really concerns me is also because I have noticed that almost all the men I date are broke! I don't seem to be able to find a financially secure guy. And I'm talking about a guy who is rich and can spoil me rotten, just a guy who can take care of himself and pay his own bills! Am I asking for too much? Why do I always attract guys like this?

Answer 1

im having the same prob mines a lil worst i have been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months first 3 month he was working and i had my own place witch he and i both lived there soon after he lost his job and we moved in to his parent house he is 25 and im 21 i work for the goverment Service Canada and i have held this job for 6 months now and he is still not working he dont passout resumes and is not really looking for a job i dont know why he is like that i pay for eveything if i dont his parents do every time i bring up the fact he is not working he gets all bitchie his mom and everyone else is the same way he dont wanna work

i dont really know what to tell yeah

Answer 2

tell him to get a job, or get a job yourself. Or help him save money and you won't need to pay too much.

Answer 3

If he's being a slob and treating you like a "sugar mama" then it's time to confront him and ask him what his deal is.

HOWEVER,

times are rough. The economy is sh-it right now and it took me over 6 months to be offered a job position.

(and for the person below me that said "If he doesn't have a job within 5 months then he isn't looking hard.": That is not true at all. I went over 6 months of putting out atleast 4-5 resumes daily. I had atleast 2-3 interviews per WEEK. Everything right now is VERY competitive and cutthroat.

I had just graduated with my Master's Degree in Journalism. There was NO WAY in h**l I was about to just "take any job, and deal with it.." just to make money. God would have had to strike me down before I worked at a McDonalds. I preservered and 6 months down the line I secured a position at a book publishing company.)

If he's making an effort to get a job, then support him because the time will come when all the rejections he gets will turn into one acceptance and he'll have a job. (Just make sure he's on the internet daily looking up jobs, posting resumes, making contacts, sending e-mails..etc.)

Everyone I'm talking to now is having trouble finding a job. People refuse to hire because they don't want to pay more money when it's already tight to begin with. Lots of companies are also laying off loads of people just to save money.

So unless he's living on the sofa with a PS3 glued to his hands, I'd give him a bit of a break and encourage the job search. (Because, from personal experience, I felt like the most worthless person on earth. I thought I would never get a job, and then one day out of the blue I got a phone call and all I heard was, "we'd like to offer you the position....")

Answer 4

Just because you attract guys like that doesn't mean you have to go out with them and pay their bills. That's your choice.

Casually talk with him and find out the jobs that interest him and if he's applied. Since he really needs a job, he could easily find one at a fast food restaurant. It isn't a status job, but it would pay his bills until something he loves comes along.

Answer 5

Dump him and find a boyfriend that will spoil you rotten.  You are too nice to be used!

Answer 6

he isnt great like u say, bc if he was he wouldnt mooch and be a provider for you

great? hardly.

u have bad taste in guys, thats all...

Answer 7

I am going through the same thing too. My bf got laid off for the third time since we have been dating. I am paying everything right now. I feel bad because it isn't his fault they didn't have enough work. He is waiting for his E.I. cheques and then he will look for work when E.I. is almost up. I love him and am being understanding while he is in this transition. I know he wants to work so Im not too worried.

I live with him too so we pay together. I don't think I would pay rent for a place I don't live at...that is asking a bit much of you. Do you trust him to do whatever it takes to get a job? Is he really rreally trying? Decide if you are willing to help as long as he helps himself too. Find out if you feel this is him using you or you just want to help him?

Answer 8

hi dear,first of all i wanna say u r realy nice girl bcoz u spend money on ur bf not of he hvnt job but u love if .if u realy love him u should encourage to ur bf for job .all d bst.

Answer 9

Man o man I feel like you and me might me long lost sisters because I swear I am going through the same thing. If you really really like this guy or even love him you got to sit him down and say listen I love you and am not a gold digger but I need a MAN and I just want you to try harder to get a job because I dont mind helpn you out but I cant support you. I think your smart and motiated but I just need you to try harder. I had to sit my man down and say the same thing to him. And if your bf is a good guy he wont get all pissy about it and be okay I understand and thanks for helpn me out. I would give him 2 weeks after you  talk to him and see if hes really trying and getting out there everyday really trying to get a job and if not dump him. The economy is really bad so keep that in mind but you shouldnt be supporting him. Goodluck!!!

Answer 10

If he doesn't have a job after 5 months it's because he isn't looking very hard. I once delivered papers in my early 40's because my job ended and I needed the money. I wasn't thrilled about getting up at 2:45am to go to work but after I did that I got another job.

There are plenty of jobs out there if he's willing to suck up a little pride and find them.  

Answer 11

Well, as far as him being without a job. Is he looking? Is he willing to take whatever is out there to help himself out or is he simply relying on you to keep him afloat? If so, you might be a little too nice in helping him out. Yes, he's your boyfriend but you have no obligation to support him.

As to why you attract guys like that, well, I don't think you attract them...you may just put up with them. If you like the guy I can see how it's easy to make excuses "Aww, but he got laid off so let me help him out" type thing.

You should talk to your boyfriend about finding some kind of job (even McDonalds!) so that he can contribute to his own bills.