My bf doesnt want to get married til 3/4 years time. help?

Question

i want to get married sooner, not that there's any rush, i totally dont mind, i just want to get married and start having kids sooner because thats just me. do you think as time goes on he will likely be keen to get married sooner? we're 21. we're not engaged but we talk about marraige and knwo that we will be marrying eachother

Answer 1

Why rush it you can not rush marriage if he feels pushed into it then that will only cause you problems down the road....  

Answer 2

your 21, whats the rush?! dont push him into it, if it happens it happens  

Answer 3

You need to learn to be more patient, as trying to rush things will only lead to resentment from your b/f, who may well dump you as he may think you're being too clingy.

Back off and give him some space - he'll thank you for it and when he's ready, he might just pop the question!! You'll know then that he asked you because he wanted to, not because you tried to force the issue.

Answer 4

This is what you should know about marriage.  You obviously know nothing!   Your man is very intelligent if he doesn't want to get married.

First of all, WHY THE h**l DO YOU HAVE TO GET MARRIED?  You should be in your late 20's, early 30's and both ready to settle down, because making the commitment of marriage is for the rest of your life!  

You have to be together at least 3-5 years before marriage, because you have to get to know each other inside and out, mentally, emotionally and physically.  

You have to treat each other with love, respect, trust, communication and always making each other happy.  

You have to wait before you even think of having children, especially if he doesn't want them and he shouldn't!  You still have so much time to enjoy life together.  You're too young to want children and I will warn you that if you try and trap him by getting pregnant, you will be a single mother struggling to raise a child all by yourself.   So many woman today do that and that's why so many children do not have a father!!!

Why don't you learn from billions of other women's mistakes and stop thinking about getting married and having children?  Why would you want to be a single mother?   He'll just leave and start a relationship with another woman and you won't be able to meet another man, because that man won't be ready to have children either!

Get your sht together by slowing down and leaving that man alone and he will never leave you!  If you don't you're going to ruin your life.

Answer 5

The honest answer, no I don't think you will end up marrying each other if he isn't willing to committ now and he is taking this 3 - 4 year approach (he is simply trying to keep you putting out for 3 - 4 more years).  Why do you think people on these boards are in relationships for 5 - 10 years and their boyfriends have never popped the question and they claim "I don't believe in marriage" or some other non-sense.  

If you are at a place in time where you are prepared to be married / raise a family, than you need to find a willing partner.  This will often be a man who is in his later 20's (maybe early 30's).  The simple fact is that our society encourages Men to remain Boys for an extended period of time.  We tell them "enjoy" yourself, have no responsibilities, marriage / kids are a drag on your entertainment, you can get *** from all these women that put  out..don't do it.  So is it any wonder that men aren't marrying or are taking this 3 - 4 year approach?  Society (women) have no one to blame besides themselves for "Men" acting like "Boys" and ducking marriage.

Answer 6

OK IF YOU NO U BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER N YOU BOTH WANT TO B MARRIED SOMEDAY,,WHY NOT SEE IF HE WANTS TO START A WEDDING ACCOUNT,SO ON YOUR BIG DAY U WILL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY,,HAS HE BOUGHT YOU A RING YET...HOPE SO IF NOT I DONT THINK HIS REALLY INTO MARRING YOU LIKE YOU R TO HIM,,I HOPE HE DOESNT TELL U TO WAIT ON A RING,,,PEACE

Answer 7

well, either respect his wishes or dump him...

Answer 8

it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to be responsible.  have you asked him why he wants to wait 3-4 years?  he may have good reasons.  don't just assume that he's trying to buy himself time to shirk away from you.  you may think right now that 21 is old enough to get married.  legally it is, but there are a lot of changes that happen from 21-25, and a lot of settling down and choices that get made.  those choices will be easier without a husband, joint finances, and kids to worry about.  i think that if you rush into a marriage now, you will end up regretting not waiting.

Answer 9

I wish I could YELL this out to every single woman I know:

Not every man who gets married is in love.

But every man who is in love wants to get married!!!!!!!!

If a guy has been with you for more than a couple of years and hasn't proposed, make no mistake about it... he does NOT think of you as wife material.

You can do whatever you want with this information, but do know that men do NOT vary from this.

Answer 10

You're 21 and want kids? Are you done with college? Is he? Have you bought a house yet? How are you going to support those kids you are planning on popping?

Answer 11

leave that man alone before he doesn't marry you at all.  you can't rush marriage and a man will not be rushed...only pushed away.  sit back and relax.  you act like he wants to wait 5 years.  take a deep breathe and be greatful that someone you love wants to make an honest woman of you instead of just having you as a girlfriend.  my husband was suppose to get married in a previous relationship and she kept rushing him, needless to say, you see what the result was.

Answer 12

you can think about it. and you should wait. you shouldn't rush things. you have a whole life ahead of you.

Answer 13

You are very,very lucky! Your boyfriend is sensible and knows that he needs time to grow up to be a better husband and father.  

Answer 14

wait a while, your 21, you've got your whole life ahead of you so you dont want to tie the note with the wrong guy

You could discuss having kids if you really want them out of marrige? you dont have to be married to be parents, we know people who have had children who have grown up and only got married after 21 years living together, its more just a formality rather than a actual change

Answer 15

this is a great age to get married.... and i'll tell u something that is really true... if u and ur fiance stay engaged for 3 - 4 years... man that relationship is just goin to wreck... cos it will get too lame in 4 yrs... u want to change the way the relationship is... like get married and be able to have some kids... hopefully he doesn't change his mind by 4 years time... i hope and that's if his love is soo strong ... wish ya all the best... and ye.... bye bye