My bf is 19, I am 17. He is one signature away from joining the Army.?

Question

He plans to get engaged, and tie the knot before he goes off to bootcamp. His assignment on his aps is either 69bravo (mechanic) or infantry. either way he will be on the front lines, and that really scares me. Im scared he will be sent away, and be injured, or worse killed. or even just come back a different man. I really dont think he could pull a trigger and kill someone, even though he constantly assures me his mentallity is "kill or be killed".

Does anyone have any advice, or just personal experience in this situation? I love him, and will support him no matter what he chooses...

Im just very scared.

Answer 1

I can understand that you're scared, that's natural.  I also thank him for his commitment.  He will get the best training in the world for his deployment.

I would hold off on getting married, 17 is too young in my mind.  But if you do, there will be a number of support groups through the military that you can take advantage of.  Make sure you do so.  

Make sure you surround yourself with good friends, they will be your main support.

Take care...

Answer 2

I have been married to my hubby for almost 10 year and he has been in the Army for 8 years and has gone on 3 deployments so far.  Everytime he goes I am worried about him.  It is going to be natural to worry for him.  You have to learn to support him and be there for him.  Yes he will change and be a different person and you have to learn to accept that.  You just need to show him your support and be there for him and it will work out.  Since you are young and I am assuming you dont' have kids go to college while he is gone on deploments and school.  That will keep you busy and it will give you a chance to get your education also.  Good Luck

Answer 3

Get an education first you are too young to married. If you love him now you will love him when he comes home so what the rush. Marriage is a serious thing. Wait till you are adult you are still a teenager.

This is the military life. This is just the beginning are you sure you can service this if you are having problems coping with this now can you imagine what it going tobe like for years if he has to go to iraq or agh. or somewhere else.

Grow up

Answer 4

its not a good or bad thing,but yes,your friend will come back a different man.in the coldest terms,its highly unlikely that he will be killed.h**l,Id be more concerned about him getting married! at 17,you can count on alot of "life changes" happening real soon. I advise you to roll with the punches,and live with it. change is unavoidable.

Answer 5

we should talk.

hit me up on www.myspace.com/xhiphopologyx

Answer 6

Not only will he be a changed man, but you have to ask yourself is your relationship (married or not) strong enough to go w/o him.  He'll be in Basic Training for about 6 weeks. Then off to AIT for a few weeks at least (if not months, depending on his MOS) where he may be around a lot of females.  Then when he's deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan (which is VERY likely) he'll be temped by other female soldiers.  Like it or not, there is A LOT of cheating that goes on in during deployments (this includes married soldiers).  Look at all of the previous questions posted about military men/women cheating on their spouses while deployed (sickening).

I don't say all of this to be mean, hurt you, or to be rude.  But these are the things that you have to think about.  If you feel that you can't stress over him cheating - then maybe you should hold off on marriage for a few more years.  

Miltary life isn't easy for the soldier - or the family.  You will always have that constant "what if" in the pit of your stomache.  You will spend a lot of time on your own, possibly at a base that is FAR away from any of your friends and family while he's gone.  Most Army bases are in the armpits of the state they are in where the job market isn't that great - so focus on college and a degree for a fighting chance of a good job.  

Good luck!

Answer 7

it can be very hard.  i married my high school sweetheart when i was 19 he was 20.  we had been together 3 years already and was a long distance to begin with (he was in florida i was in ohio).  he wanted to be married before he was sent to japan for 6 months so we got married.  i was engaged at 18.  yes it is hard, there is so much time apart especially in the beginning with boot camp and school, and in the time we are living now,,,many more deployments too.  you will be scared after 15 years of marriage i am STILL scared.  my husband is now out of the marines but is air national guard and on standby for another deployment this fall.  if this is something you BOTH really want and are really dedicated to, you can make it work.  it will be scary, hard, lonely, depressing, but on the other side of the coin it will be the most rewarding, prideful, exciting thing you will ever do.  being a military wife is as much a part of me as it is for him to be a military man.  it will take a LOT of work, dedication , support, trust, and understanding.  think of the millions of other girlfriends/spouses that are in the same boat and know you are in great company.  you can do it if you want it.  

yes the what ifs will scare the *ell out of you.  and yes it will make him a changed man (usually for the better).  try not to dwell on the what ifs and live for the moment and enjoy it.  there is NOTHING that will make you smile brighter or stand taller than being able to say "im a military wife and my husband in my hero.".

as for the age thing,,trust me i heard it all.  my mom was told by numerous people to not let me marry at 19.  there wasnt much she could do about it,,and she knew one way or another i would do it.  yes it was hard, there were rough patches (too many to count), alot of seperations, and alot of sleepless nights (still have those).  but in the end the hard work and determination pays off.  age has nothing to do with it.  it is about how bad you both want it.  

good luck and be strong

Answer 8

Honey you're 17. You can get married after he gets home from his deployment. You are still so young, grow up before you get married, legally, you're not even an adult yet.

Answer 9

IF one thing is fact it's that combat changes a person no matter who you are. Being in the military brings great reward and sometimes will change your life so much you wont be the same person you once were. I married my first wife being that we were together from the age of 14. My marriage lasted 30 days because I was not the "same" person I was prior to it meaning, I took being a Marine and my job serious. I would wait until he has served to get married. Not to sound mean but your only 17 and I can promise you no matter how much you claim to love him, once your in base houseing and he is gone, you have 40 thousand other men who are there to listen to you and at your age you just dont undetstand what true commitment is. My second marriage took place after I got out of the military and I have been with her for 10 years to date. She knows what I did while in the Marines and then later in the Army. She fell in love with me for who I was and I was the person that my career molded me into after combat twice. No surprizes, no new shocking amounts on how I feel about things and I dont ever plan on leaving her or my children.

Let him serve and wait till he either gets out or comes back from combat if he serves. THis way you will know who he is and see if you want to live that kind of life. With the way things are going I hate to break it but Iraq is not going to be our last great fight. Things in Georgia are heating up along with Israel and Iran. Dont count on Barrak solving anything if he gets elected as a matter of fact you can count on many more problems. I know this is blunt and some things I have said you dont want to hear about but it's not going to help you if I sugar coat it and tell you getting together with a military wives group will ease your pain. Good luck and try to grow up and see what you want out of life before you commit to a life that may be nothing but worry.

Answer 10

Getting married just because your bf is going off to the military isn't a great reason to do it. Wait a few years, if you all still feel the same after he's been to Basic and AIT and stationed at a base far away from you ... then do it.  Yeah, military will change him.  It doesn't mean he'll change in a bad way though.  Anytime you join the military that is the risk you take, combat battle.  Hopefully he understands that.  You need to as well.

He'll be ok.

Answer 11

My personal opinion on your youth and fears and how it will affect your relationship ASIDE!

1. I'm scared he will be sent away, and be injured, or worse killed. back a different man.  

a. He will be sent away as that is part of military life.  You will be separated for varying and sometime LONG periods of time.

b. Injured or worse Killed -- extreme.  It happens but not as often as you are led to believe in the press BUT YOU cannot dwell on these things or it will drive you bonkers.

c.  Honey, rest assured, he will be different when he comes back. Even if he was at your side throughout 35 yrs of marriage, he would change and evolve (or regress) .

2. I really don't think he could pull a trigger and kill someone, even though he constantly assures me his mentality is "kill or be killed".

a. He's getting into the pre-boot HYPE already.  He'll calm down.

b. I can't speak for him as I don't know him.  In my case, I wasn't the same person at home as I was in the field even though my social, moral and ethical standards remained the same.  

That's one thing that we aren't teaching our young military today, that they will be different and its not a sign of weakness to ask for help in readjusting. 'SUCK it up' only goes so far!

Once he's in and assigned to his first permenant duty station, seek out others in his unit, go to family support services.

NETWORK - it will save you.  I remember when my dad was in Vietnam, every Tuesday and Thursday, the Mil wives that didn't work, got together for coffee and, normally, a senior sergeant's wife would assess the younger more flighty women.  The 'hens' would calm them down.  

When my Marine unit was in the Med s******g with Khaddafi, the wives and GFs were going crazy that a 4 month sea duty became 8 months.  The CO's and SgtMajor's wives had thier hands full.

Finally, I have to say -- work on your communication and trust.  

If you don't communicate and things don't seem the same, you (either of you) will jump to conclusions.

When he comes home and seems TOO distant, give a little space - not too much.  If he doesn't come around, get assistance.

After fighting in WW2, Korea and elswhere, my dad had a difficult time dealing with the asymetrical warfare in Vietnam and after going cold and silent, he took to drinking and abuse.

And a last tidbit:  when the 'girls' want to go out partying, do yourself and your marriage a favor - don't put yourself in a compromising situation that could haunt you.

Good Luck.  

Answer 12

My initial instinct is to tell you that you are in more danger driving in the United states or going to a party. In any of those situations you stand a greater chance than he does of being hurt or killed. Mechanic are not front line folks, despite what some might say, so no need to worry there. And as for infantry, he isn't out on his own with a water gun, he has armor and 30 friends that got his back. Either way, he is better off than you think, the American left wing media would have you think different, but they are interested in ratings, not facts.

Answer 13

What you both need to look at is that you are marrying because you do love each other no matter what and want to spend the rest of your lives together.  If you are getting married because he could be deploying then that isn't the right reason.  Everyone changes during their lives at one time or another, but often those changes happen going from a teenager to a young adult. In which you both realize that you are going down a different path.  So while you might seem to be there for each other now, are you positively sure that you will be the same way when he comes back?  Are you positive that you want to spend your life with this person?   Are you prepared for him to change in ways you aren't expecting and vice versa?  

Yes he can be sent away and injured or killed, but that can also happen as you are driving down the street.

What maybe you need to look as it let him go through Basic, through schooling and then decide if you are ready to get married.  Just because you get married now doesn't mean anything, you will still be apart during that time.  Even wait to find out where he will go afterwards, decide maybe to go to college and finish some of that before you get married.  

You both need to sit down and weigh the pros vs the cons before you say I do.  you should also consider counseling which is something that can be needed for everyone before they get married.

Answer 14

Listen, calm down. Breathe and clear your mind.

Just because he is 68b does NOT mean he will be on front lines...more likely than not he will be support. Even if he is infantry...doesn't mean he's going to a line unit. my better half is infantry and he is on a personl secruity detachment...or psd.

I'm not going to talk smack to you about your age...but chose wisely the man you want to marry. this is coming from someone who is in the army and who was married at 18...

If you two want to marry...you are going to have to be strong for him...you are going to have to understand that there will be times were you wont talk to him for weeks on end because he is doing some sort of training or just because he is busy. when he deploys, hes not going to be able to call you all the time. it's a tough job to be the wife of a solider, but if you have faith in yourself to be his silent support...then by all means...you go and you do your thing!!

either way, good luck, and get ready for one h**l of a ride!

Answer 15

Absolutely nobody knows for sure what he or she is going to do for sure until they find themselves in the situation for real!  That being said you better hope he is capable of keeping his mind focused and does the right thing.

Do not take counsel of your fears; there are oh so many things that can go wrong and on the reverse side of the coin, oh so many things that can go right.  Go with the positive and pray he can avoid the negative.

If you truly love him and believe in him then you should be able to set aside any fears you might have.  Fate can rear its ugly head and take him crossing the street or driving in traffic, it does just sit around waiting for somebody to join the military.  On the other hand, fate can also provide him a long and secure career in the military, that what you should dwell on and work for in your future together...

Answer 16

There is pros and cons. only get married if that's what you both really want ive seen it to many times when lads get married, and then spend most of the time away from loved ones. you will never get over the dread of him being away from you especially when hes away on operations. its totally a numbers game!!!

don't get me wrong the army is a great life! its just the being away allot which is hard especially with you being so young i know i was in the same situation it was hellish!!! and i was the one in the army.

My advise try and get him to chose a different occupation. But if he wont change his mind, its upto you to support him it will be tough best of luck to you both.

Answer 17

hes a good man

Answer 18

I was in the exact same position you are in 3 years ago. I was 17 and my husband then boyfriend was 19. He enlisted in the Army for infantry and to tell you the truth i was scared sh*t less. From personal experience calm down and take a breathe nothing is as bad as it seems, talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling. Most likely he as some concerns of his own as well. After you guys get all your feelings out then decide if getting married is right for both of you. In my case it was since we already had a child together and were living together. If you guys do decide to get married the Army offers great benefits for you and him. Your housing (including utilities) will be paid for as well as medical. He will get a GI bill for schooling which you can also use. Most Army posts offer free college for you if you choose not to use the GI bill. They have wonderful support programs for both of you which really comes in handy when he is away or deployed. You will gain new friends that you will have for a life time and will be going though the same situations as you. Being an Army wife or any other military wife is tough im not going to lie. Your relationship will be put to test more times in one year than most people have in a lifetime. He will be gone for weeks to months in the field and a year or more for a deployment but if you guys have a solid relationship than you can get through it. Every person is different when they come back from a deployment. He will see things that alot of ppl never see. For this they offer counsling and again support groups not just for him but for you also. When you go through a deploment the worring never stops but when you get that phone call, email, letter, etc its all worth it. In my experience our relationship got stronger when he got back. He even cleans now lol...but if you want email me and we can talk about things so that your not so worried

Answer 19

Joining the Army isn't a one way ticket to Iraq like the media likes to portray.  If he goes mechanic and does get sent to Iraq, he might not even leave the wire except during random convoys where they want to take a mechanic.  His chances of getting killed in an accident in the US are actually greater than the chances of him getting killed by the enemy in Iraq.  If he goes infantry it might put him in more danger but he will still have good NCOs supporting him.  The purpose of basic is to train him to be able to kill someone but once again, if he goes mechanic he probably won't have a chance to kill someone.  It depends on the person and their attitude.  Some people deployed three or four times and never had the chance to kill anybody.  

Supporting him is the best thing you can do for him.

Answer 20

Then welcome to military life. It has its rewards and its downsides... Its a lifestyle that you must Choose to live.

You have to be independent. He'll be gone for boot camp, gone for AIT, gone for training, gone for deployments. You cannot go with him for any of those.

If he believes he has the mentality to do it then he'll do just fine.

There are tons of us who have been where you are, and who are where you are.

Answer 21

I agree with Amy R - pretty much sums up every good point!

Answer 22

I know how you feel I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 19 and he's away right now at basic then he's off too ait for 8 weeks. He's gonna be gone for 5 months, he'll be home at the end of November. We're not married but he did give me a promise ring on our one year anniversary. We do plan on getting married but not for another year or so unless he gets deployed then things may change. Army life can be hard and being alone isn't easy. How long have you been together? To me age has nothing to do with it and don't worry about what others think because its your life not theirs and if you love him then follow your heart. If it were me I would wait until after he goes through basic and ait its the true test. Plus it could totally change him as a person and you also because you will have more time to think about everything that's happening to you. I hope Ive helped you any other question I'm here for you. ~Christy~    

Answer 23

Don't get married for a couple of more years.  You are too young to be tied down and he'll be busy.  

Answer 24

no reason at all to get married, you wont see any legal benefits really and it might not work out while he is overseas..

Answer 25

My Advice is you are both to young to commit to marriage.  This time of your life is for experience, growth etc. He wants to join the military, well that is his choice. You should be making your own choices, like college? So you can also get a career not a job.

When he comes home he will be a changed person and a man. Hence the experience and growth.  You too will be changed.  No sense getting married when neither of you know who you will be in 3 -5 years.  SO I would wait on the marriage thing.

As for the army thing, well, it's what he wants to do.  I wouldn't agree and didn't when my 2 nephews joined, but it was their decisions and all I could be was be there for them.  Which is all you can do, that and worry ;-)

Answer 26

We can say he is doing something good but its your life not his you have to take care at such a age. So just take your time

17 is still very young. I mean in only 1 to 5 years you ll  change a lot and encounters a diversity of things and people that ll made you evolve. And there is also active live you need to enter.

The best for you is just to take your time if your narrow future is not to be together really.

Last thing is that conventional wars don't exist anymore(guerrilla encounters for majority)  disillusions ll come on what he is expecting except for sailors and pilots who still have a "old system" everyday life. Others live more on the nerves guarding,patrolling,never see an enemy or have the first shot. Actual activity grounds see local populations that support the other camp and think time is for them. So the "becoming another man" ll also be different of what you r actually thinking and will deal with becoming someone less or more cold