My bf is in basic...I got his first letter this week..im a little confused...?

Question

My bf is at Ft. Benning for Basic/Infantry Training. He got there a week from today. He is still in Reception, tho he should start training by this friday. He did write me two letters. And I got this yesterday. Now, my bf and I are totally serious about one another, and with his joining the army (which was a all of the sudden move) we said we would make our relationship work. We did not talk about marriage tho. Well in his letter, he saids we have to get married and that he isn't kidding. Im just a little confused. Could this be coming from the fact that he's in reception and isn't doing much so this is his one time he has to think about me..or has just only being down there a few days already made him relize he really does want to get married? I mean marriage would be great, but like I said, its something he didn't bring up before he left, so why now is he saying it...

Answer 1

I would think he is trying to protect you. In the Army you have no rights to nothing as a g/f. If you are married you get insurance, more money , etc..

If he ever does get deployed, you need to be married. You as a g/f have no say, no rights to anything.

He may be talking to the other guys, and figuring this out for himself.

Answer 2

My Husband is at fort benning now but ...they have alot of time to think!  more money  you will be taken care of they pay for your housing and free insurance. he is just having lots of time to think about things!  

Answer 3

With rank you are entitled to more privileges and money. But not know.

He's probably still in culture shock from such a drastic change in his life/appearance/routine. And the heat and humidity down right now can take your breath away. And of course all the advice he is getting from fellow recruits.



I'd give him a few weeks to adjust - aren't you sweet?

I'm from the Columbus/ Ft Benning area so if you need to know anything about Benning or the area give me a shout.  

Good luck.

Answer 4

Hmm..Sounds like me 3 years ago. What was going threw my head was that I needed my girlfriend with me. The whole extra money/moving off base thing didn't really matter, I just really missed my girlfriend. Do NOT rush things. This is why the divorce rate is so freakin high in the military. I also joined the military spurt of the moment. He probably felt like he needed to do something. It is going to be very tough on you guys. Me and my girlfriend didn't make it, but don't let that discourage you. If it is meant to be, it will all work out, but don't rush into a marriage.  

Answer 5

he's probably worried that you'll dump him for someone else while he's away

Answer 6

If your boyfriend enlisted to be a Private in the infantry, he is likely throwing the marriage issue out there because he has now heard of the benefits that married couples get in the Army.  He would be able to live offbase with you, get a housing allowance and not be stuck living in the barracks with all the single soldiers after One Station Unit Training (OSUT) at Benning.

Now, you have to ask yourself, is he asking b/c he means it and its what you both want  and was inevitable that you would get married and he wants to speed it up before he is possibly deployed or is it because he is concerned with the benefits?

Also, remember that Reception, BCT and AIT is particularly stressful. he is likely going through alot of physical and emotional stress right now.  Keep writing positive things to him.  Tell him you are proud of him  and if the marriage thing scares you, dont hurt him in the letter (he might well take anything you say in a weird way b/c of his stressful training) just keep things positive so he graduates and does well. You can always say you'd love to discuss it after he graduates in 14 weeks....

My 2 cents.  Take it for what its worth.

Answer 7

WOW. i was reading your post and i can pretty much relate to everything you're going through. my bf is in Ft. Sill..he actually started his 3rd week there today.. and so far i have gotten to talk to him on the phone and received a letter as well.

he told me he loved me and i meant the world to him.. and that lately he came to discover he loved me even more.. and all he kept thinking of was me all day.... and i was the only reason that kept him going...

where am i getting with this?? your guy probably is going through the same thing... you are the person that keeps him going through the though times and he more than likely discovered that he can't live without you... he is surrounded by guys and people yelling at him all day without being able to see the person he cares about the most...

THE REASON he probably said "we have to get married,no joke" is because he can see you with him for the rest of his life.. it DOESN'T mean he wants to get married right now.. but it might mean he wants to take the relationship a little more serious...and you are constantly on his mind....

YES there are many benefits when you are married and in the army and personally i don't think that's the case here in my opinion..if it was im pretty sure he knew all the benefits the army had before he joined ...therefore he would have asked/mentioned marriage before BCT.. even then i don't think that's the case. he LOVES you and you're all that goes through his mind... just waiting to see you =)

hope i helped =)  

Answer 8

Single soldiers live in the barracks, married soldiers do not unless they do their tours without the wife/kids then they have the option to live off post or on post depending on where their duty station is.  There are pros and cons of being an army wife.  Ask yourself if you are ready to face the fact that he could get deployed when he gets his first duty assignment, yes these new guys coming in do get to see some combat action.  Your BFprobably does not want to live in the barracks or he knows he will be deploying once he gets his first duty assignment and wants that extra money that they get for being deployed...many years ago before I met my husband had a guy who was living for Kuwait who wanted to marry me just so he can get the money (I told him what he could do with himself) which is illegal anyway so do not get caught if that is the case.  All money is not good money just so you know.  All they get is an extra $575.00 a month on top of their base pay and BAH pay if they live offpost or married, plus no taxes taken out.  If they are in an Airborne unit they get an extra $150.00 per month, BAH rate which is the money that covers rent, water and light is based on rank and zip code and whether or not the soldier is married.  If you want to marry him by all means that is your choice but I suggest you learn all you can about the military and being a military spouse.  

Answer 9

Marriage in the military get you out of the crappy barracks and gets you a house, plus you get more money.

Answer 10

Someone told him he'll make more money being married.

Or maybe he realizes he misses you - but I'm guessing it's the extra money and not having to live in the barracks.

Answer 11

Money is a great motivator to get married.  Im about to enlist, I am married and have one child.  All this adds up to getting a housing allowance, which varies on the area you live in(i.e. chicago you get $1200 just for housing + base pay+ and meal allowance) , and pay is more the more dependents you have.