My bff is having a baby and doing open adoption.....Should we throw her a small party??

Question

She is 12 weeks and she isnt sure if she wants to keep it or do open adoption. She wants to do open because she wants to see her kid and watch them have the life she couldnt give them. But, my question is should we throw a small get together thing or not???

Answer 1

Ask her. She probably wont want one because she has to give it up. But asking her would let her know you are thinking of her and what she wants.

Answer 2

No party.  Giving up her child is going to be hard enough.  I doubt she would want to celebrate it.

Answer 3

I would say no party! mrsdeli is correct, she doesnt need to be reminded how hard giving up a child will be. If she does decide to parent, definetly give her one, she will need all  the help she can get!

Answer 4

I would say no, because giving up her child won't really be something to celebrate.  But  it should really be up to her.

Also, please make sure she knows that open adoptions are not legally enforceable.  The AP's don't have to keep the adoption open, even if there's a "contract".  If she wants to be sure that she can see her child, she needs to raise her child herself or seek out a guardianship arrangement instead of adoption.

Answer 5

Party?  How about a shower?  Go to Target, and get her registered.  A crib from Craigslist!

Here's the scoop--adoption blows.  "Open adoption" is just a carrot to get your pal to give up her rights to strangers to raise her child-- they'd sell their mothers down the river to get an infant.  

Most 'open' adoptions are not honored after a couple years, sometimes a few months.  They are not legally enforceable, so your friend might never see her child again, which IS not a healthy way to grow up, even if she has 'loving' 'wealthy' adoptive parents.

Growing up adopted is no way to live.  The arrangement only BENEFITS the adoptive parents.  Your friend will most likely be a very different person after giving her child up for adoption.  Would you want your friend to lose a leg? An arm? Then why a child?

Adoption is a PERMANENT 'solution' to a temporary problem.  It's no solution at all.

Here is some truth about adoption, versus the Hollywood/Juno c**p that America banks on:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.babyscoopera.com

More about adoption:

http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Answer 6

Well you might want to wait until she decides exactly what she wants to do. When she's around 28 weeks you might want to ask her if she's decided what she wants to do. If she decide's to keep it throw her a shower and get her registered. If she decides to do an open adoption throw her a tea(non caffeint) party to celebrate the baby. Ask people to bring gifts that will benefit her after the birth. Like a facial, massage, gift cards, or gym memberships.

Answer 7

I would ask her what she wants before planing any partys.

Ask her if she wants a party.

Answer 8

I would hold off on a celebration.  She still has plenty of time to decide what she wants to do.  You  would be best just to let you know that you're there for her in whatever she chooses.  Let her know that should she decide to parent you'll be there for her, and should she decide adoption is what she wants, you'll be there also.  Mean it when you say it.  She will need your support no matter what she chooses.

If she chooses adoption I don't think a party would be a good idea.   I doubt she will want to celebrate placing her child for adoption.  A caring shoulder of someone who just listens without judging is going to be best.

Answer 9

Stinkerbell hit on something very important here.  Your friend will need a lot of support to parent her child if that's what she chooses.  It sounds like she wants to parent, but feels something is standing in her way, and that's what has her considering relinquishment.  I'd say save the money and energy of a party into helping her find resources to parent her child.

If she does end up relinquishing, a party is not appropriate, as loss is nothing to celebrate :-(

Answer 10

Give her lots of moral support. Thats what she will need more than anything int he world.

I would suggest buying her a journal where she can write down and consider her thoughts and feelings. It might halpe her to  make her mind up. I would also recommend finding her a support group.

Depending on what she chooses to do, at about 7 months, see what she feels like regarding a get together, and go from there.

Answer 11

You could have an intimate get together and give gifts like photo frames, journals, stationary, digital camera, etc.

Answer 12

I would definitely wait to make this decision.    There is nothing wrong with having a shower for a new mom AFTER the baby is born.   It is possible that in the end, at the very last minute, she will decide to keep the baby after all.  Such things have happened before.  

If she does make this decision, she will need clothes and baby items of all kinds.   At that point, I am sure she would welcome a celebration of her new child!

Until then, just be a friend and support her, so that she knows that everyone will be there for her in the end, whatever decision she makes.

Answer 13

you want to celebrate the biggest trauma of her life?

Answer 14

You really should ask her what she wants.  Maybe you should wait until after she makes a final decision.

Answer 15

Once she has made a decision and commitment, sure.  If she does pick open adoption, it would be nice to invite the adoptive parents and let them know they don't have to come but are welcome to come.