My body image is AWFUL - what can I do?

Question

I have body image issues. My entire happiness has always depended on how thin I am. I’m not sure why. I’m 5'5". My lowest weight was 90 lbs. but I was really happy then. Everyone complained at me so much that I gained weight but it spiraled out of control & ended up at 140 lbs. I became a recluse. I never left my house, I didn’t socialize with people, I stopped wearing makeup, I pretty much hid & didn’t want to be noticed. I was so unhappy so I lost 30 lbs. I got back to 110lbs. I felt good & I didn’t feel that I had gone overboard. Just a happy medium. I went tanning all the time, kept up my appearance again, had a lot of confidence in myself

I met my husband at that point. I was happy with myself but about a year later he suggested I get breast implants because I was thin & also very flat. I did it because I thought he was right. I looked wafish & couldn’t fill out my tops. So I had the surgery 7 months ago. From the minute I woke up I was hysterical. I tried to hide it but I just felt HUGE. Not even just in my chest but I felt like a cow. I have been spiraling downward ever since. I’ve been depressed & I hate the scars. They just won’t go away. I’ve gained 25 lbs since I got the surgery done. So on top of hating my b***s I’m fat again too. I just feel NASTY.

My husband says things like “Your Doctor is amazing. I can’t believe how great you look”. And I think he’s so full of it. If I say I’m happy he’s fine. If I say I’m not really happy with it he gets mad. He’s the one who paid for it. He feels like he wasted $8,000 on me. I don’t blame him but I can’t walk around exclaiming how much I love my body when I don’t.

Neither one of us has the money for another surgery. I would like them removed entirely or at least to get a small lift because the scars widened & pulled the b***s down from the weight of the implants. I’m grossed out by myself. I don’t even want to take a shower because I have to be naked. What can I do to get past this? I can’t have another surgery. I’m fat with huge b***s. I used to be thin & wafish. I want that back. I don’t even want people to touch me. My arms are chubby, I don’t even want to wear a tank top anymore. I’m getting embarrassed again to leave my house. I run into the bathroom when my husband’s friends come over because I’m afraid that I’ll embarrass him & they’ll tell people that my husband has a fat wife. Some of his friends bring their girlfriends over & they’re a lot younger than me. They’re thin & cute. They don’t have big b***s. I feel jealous & embarrassed.

Does this effect anyone else out there? Do you ever just feel like you want to hide? Are you ever embarrassed for your husband because you know you should look cuter than you do? I feel like I’m an embarrassment to him. He doesn’t think so & by the way I do not talk to him about this. He doesn’t know I feel this way. He tells me all the time that I’m HOT blah blah blah. I think he’s just being nice.

Answer 1

leave ur husband and be with daniel jordinson he loves u he needs u he cant live without u

Answer 2

You need to read this book: it's called "Real Gorgeous" by Kaz Cooke. It really is directed to young women who struggle with these things. I had to get this book, in the past, for myself. I know how you feel, from experience. I got so thin that even guy friends were telling me I needed to put on weight, yet still my perception of myself was as too fat. I am slowly getting over it. It may take time but you have to come to the point that you accept yourself FOR YOURSELF, and do not accept yourself because of what others think of you or because of what you think others think of you. It feels impossible, I know. What it takes to do this is feeding your mind with facts about body image, as opposed to others' perceptions. This book helps turn your mind to facts - so it will probably help you.

You can get the book cheaply on eBay (I think that's where I got my copy of it, too) - right now it's listed there with the current bid at 50 cents.

Another thing that helps is to refuse to let yourself dwell on the way models on TV, in movies, in magazines, etc. look. When you do that, you are going to compare yourself to them. It helps instead to think about what problems they might be facing in their lives, to think about them as real people whose lives are not ideal, so not someone to be jealous of but to be happy with what you have.

We tend to be jealous of models and compare ourselves to them, wishing we could look like them....we also think they have it all and live ideal lives because of their looks. Many female models are hated by other girls for their looks (hard to have a lot of friends) and have to endure sexual abuse at their jobs, forced to have s*x with people in charge of them, just to keep their jobs. I know from experience the emotional havoc that sort of abuse can cause, and it can last for years. Models are often forced to starve, just to keep their jobs - sometimes told by their bosses not to eat, endangering their health and even their lives. You are not endangered by your boss (that I know of) and your husband loves you as you are. You really are blessed. If you can concentrate on this when you see these models and compare yourself, you will be less likely to get down on yourself and more likely to feel sorry for these models (which helps get your mind off yourself and your problems). Trust me, this does help some.

The book I recommended to you does talk about this, as well as other things to help girls feel more secure about their looks. It also quotes a lot of women out there who struggle with the same thing, as well as women who are confident even though they know their looks don't match up to society's ideal (too fat, or whatever)...that means it CAN be done. You can get to that point too. Don't give up on yourself. And please get this book and read it with an open mind.

Answer 3

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

YOU DECIDE HOW YOU SHOULD FEEL

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO UNDERSTANDS WHY

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

YOU WANT TO BE LOVE BY STRANGERS

YOU WANT TO BE PART OF SOCIETY

THE TRUTH IS ,YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DICTATES YOUR LIFE

HAPPINESS IS A GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF.

FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS A REACTION....HAPPY / SAD

YOU ARE IN CONTROL, WHETHER YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Answer 4

Your so freaked out about looks.  Try working at a homeless shelter or food pantry in your area a couple of hours a week.  These are people with REAL problems.    

Answer 5

ok first take a good deep breathe  and tell me how old r u  im 31 and i an 5'5" and im also married i have two children and i had 2 c- sections and my belly is so d**n huge .. i january of this year i was 179 and myhusband and i want to have another baby , but unfortunately for me i had my tubes tied after i had my son 4 years ago.. now i dig deep in and told him that yes i would love to share a child with him so now i have to get them untied so we are on this long journey that is bout to come to an end i am now 144lbs and loving it i am a D cup and they have dropped a lil since my younger years but my hubby has no problem.. lol   ... i woud give alot to get tomy goal wieght 135  but i cant do this diet thing any more .. i mean i love to exersise but i also love to eat and thats where u have a problem not doin please dont be 1 of those 1s who say they love to puke after a meal OMG!!!  it sounds to me that u have low self esteem and thta not good. i have always had confidence in myself and i know that it is hard to please your man .. but waht u are sayin is true he didnt like the flat chest at first  now he's lovin it and you then hold your chin high and stick dat *** out your r on top of the world .. sorry u feel dis way if u wanna talk more hit me up on my messenger hope i didnt hurt ur feelins stay sweet and strong  tomorrow will be better

Answer 6

WOW! I dont know how old you are, but if you are even in your 20's thenyou HAVE to get over this...This is immarure....140 pounds is not fat for 5'5 inches...its not skinnybut not fat....I am also 5'5 and i weight about 110 pounds...I know how you feel inthe sense that if imnot super thin  then i feel yucky too...But I had two kids, my son is 3 and my dauaghter is 9 mos...i got very lucky and only gained about 25 lbs each baby...and the babies were big..8 pounds each so i ate enough to feed them...I have small b***s b/c after I had kids they went flat after the milk went away...i want to get a boob job (my husbad doenst want me to, but i do casue i would like some bigger b***s but we;llk see if i do it or not)

You have to get over this....do you wnat kids one day????????? if you do then you WILL gain wieght andyur body will change.........

If you ar elsoing weight but its not natureal, then you will mess up your motabilism...your hubnand is gonna get sick if you being so down on your self...your gonnahave NO friends and be unhappy for the rest of your life...You dont need to be skinny to be happy...if you are even 120-130 pounds that fine...I am 110 like i said and actulaly want to be 120 so im tryng to gain some....being 90 pouds like u siad IS NASTY...you probably looked like you are very poor and cant afford food...i bet ppl looked at  you and thought to themslevs what is wrong w/ that girl...im sure NO ONE thoughtyou were pretty like that....you have issues and need to address these NOW...this way of thinking is not healthy....hiding from ppl is not good...you should wear clothes and be happy no matter what your weigh....if you are about 130 pounds  i gueantee NO ONE is lookng at you like u are fat or need to lose weight...they prob look at you and think wow what a nice lookg girl shes so lucky to havea ncie healthy body....

You are not living , you are merely existing! Starving until you are 90 pounds is horrible!  

Answer 7

He's not "just being nice", he's being selfish.  He does think you're hot.  Why wouldn't he?  The implants were his idea, not yours.

When he compliments your new look, what you're hearing is "I like the artificial parts of you.", "NOW you're attractive".

You do have a self image problem, self esteem too.

Ask yourself this.  Who's opinion matters more?  Your husbands opinion of how you look, his friends opinion of how you look, or your opinion of yourself?

He should be able to tell that you're not happy, but sometimes we're pretty dense.  You need to tell him exactly how you feel.  He may know you aren't happy, and the only thing he can think to do is tell you that you are attractive.  But every time he says that, you tell yourself that you're not.  Don't you?  He needs to know everything.

Be open, be honest.

If not, it'll only get worse and you'll end up miserable and divorced.

Answer 8

You have mental problems, and your husband is an a hole

Answer 9

I do not believe in getting implants to please a man. You are having emotional problems right now. Get used to them for now. If I was you, I would start a saving box, and save money every week toward getting them taken out. Please, stop feeling so low though. You must deal with it for now. But, save your money until you can have them out!