My boyfriend's child is driving me crazy!!!!!?

Question

We've been dating for 2.5 years. I was introduced to child after a year. We had an alright start but he spoils her. She is rude and he allows her to do what she wants and behave the way she wants without any kind of rules. This angers me because I'm a firm believer of rules and boundaries for kids. I know he feels guilty because he only sees her twice a month but you can spoil without creating a monster. I have grown to love him and I know she comes with him but most of the time I hate it when she is around. She does like me and she could be sweet sometimes. I know how hard it is for her but it hard for me too. I don't have kids yet and if I had kids I will never allow them to behave like that. I don't know what to do. I think I put a lot into this relationship and I enjoy being with him but I don't know if I want to deal with his rude child (soon to be a teenager) for the rest of my life. And besides when she is around I do not exist. What should I do? What should I say to him? Please advise...

Answer 1

I feel your pain. Im going through this too - except the child is a boy. First question - do you plan on gettting married/spending the rest of your life with this person?

A child will always come first before you - you will always be number two. Its a hard thing to accept, and I use to be bitter about it. First of all, make a plan of discipline for the child. If he loves you, he will be open to your comments and suggestions, as long as they are resaasonbale.  

Answer 2

ur not telling us what the kid does... anyways if shes real young.. thats how kids act... get over it.. unless hes leting her speak to u meanly and not doing anything about it.. i dont know what to tell you.

Answer 3

Like you said, she comes in the package. If you really love him then sit him down and tell him everything you just told us. If you are going to be a part of this child's life then you should also be able to discipline. If he is not willing to listen to you because you aren't the "mom" then you better get to moving. What if her real mom died or something and you were stuck with the kid every single day, already married with more kids. It would be much harder to get out then.

Answer 4

Hon, you don't want baggage and your not dealing well as his girlfriend you need to move on with your life, whether you put time into the relationship or not if you want to marry and stay married you to be in a care free relationship so when things happen you can handle it. Why marry someone there is all ready issues?

Answer 5

I think you should talk to him and let him know how you feel. Tell him it does not bother you for her to come that you understand that's her daughter but he should let her know that you guys are sharing a life and you want a little of respect. Tell him everything that you feel. And if he is never going to change that you are going to have to move on. But let him no that you love him and that you want to try to fix things. Good Luck!

Answer 6

First off tell your boy friend he doing more of an injustice to her by not giving boundaries. His guilt is making an unruly child instead of a healthy happy one. To give her good love he needs to address his guilt issues and realize she will love him more if he loves her with guidance instead of complete freedom. The sad part is she is older and to reverse some thing they have been doing for years is gonna be a lot tougher.

Answer 7

I feel a similar way, I believe a child under a set of rules will come out better. People who give in to a child give the child power which makes for disobedience and yelling, and a generally annoying kid.

What you should try to do, Is after the kid has a fit and is pooped out/sleeping/beaten with a shovel, talk with him and tell him that the kid wouldn't be such a brat if she were under a strict set of rules. Make sure you're coming at it from a helpful perspective, so it feels like the 2 of you are working together to solve a problem.

The male brain listens to the tones and attitudes of the first 2 sentences of a Male-Female conversation and immediately sets it into one of 3 categories:

Serious

Nagging

Sexual Initiation

A good set of rules posted on a refrigerator or something with fair consequences and with no exceptions can really help a child to develop into an intelligent adult, and helps social skills by letting the child know that not everybody is going to bend to their will.

Hope this advice can help you.

Answer 8

maybe u should take her out on ur own wen she comes around even if its only 4 an hour she would probably love it  

Answer 9

I know someone that married someone with another child. She and the child do not ever get along. Her life is h**l. She only stays married to him because they now have kids together. I would end it now because things won't change. Unfortunately, your advice and opinions on his child rearing will probably go in one ear and out the other. You can try, but he most likely won't change anything. You either put up with her and stay with him or you leave and find the happiness you deserve without the package deal of a stepchild. Trust me if it drives you crazy now, it will only get worse if you marry him and have your own kids with him. And you never know if his daughter will see him more or even live with him all of the time. What if her mother dies? Then you'd be stuck with her every single day until she turns 18. You can not predict what may come.