My boyfriend CAME TO ME w/ p**n addiction.....?

Question

first off, I never cared about him watching it in fact I LOVED IT!!!we did and have an AMAZING crazy, variety filled s*x life. we shared it together even!. But he came to me one day and he said he had a big p**n problem.....beleive me, after we talked, he wasnt lying.... then came the hiding, the lies, the fights, my god the fights. we have gone to therapy, but we cant afford the sessions. I found myself going from a s**y, confident 21 yr old woman, to a depressed, anxiety filled old hag filled with self doubt. This man and I are soul mates, ill stick by his side no matter what, to the end. but what can i do as a woman to trust my man again? I am so sad everyday. is it true that p**n is better than real s*x? i feel i will NEVER "excite" him to the tune of these other "women" even tho some he were looking at looked JUST LIKE ME!! so to some it up....

-i want to 100% trust him right away, how can i?

-Will he ever be as attracted to me, or excited by me more than them again?

-i am such a mess, i know others have been thru this, but I am feeling like i am a widow to the internet at TWENTY ONE!!!! will this ever grdt easier? i kinow he loves me but, i will alwaysbe second best to the p**n right?

thanks...

Answer 1

he needs to love you not another person and p**n idea is bad cut it out

Answer 2

>i want to 100% trust him right away, how can i?<

You can't.  Rebuilding trust takes time and work.  There is no quick fix.

>Will he ever be as attracted to me, or excited by me more than them again?<

He probably always was, and still is.  Your self-esteem has been bashed and you just can't see it.

> will this ever grdt easier? i kinow he loves me but, i will alwaysbe second best to the p**n right?<

If he truly has an addiction, he needs help.  Until he has it under control, the p**n, like drugs or alcohol, will have a hold on him.  

Find a way to continue counseling.  There are places that offer sliding scales based on your income.  

Answer 3

Try and talk to him about it all and how it makes you feel. The people in p**n are all fake and photoshoped and most of the time guys expect women to look like that. If you have an amazing s*x life do something more to make him feel excited like cook him dinner and when he walks in the room all he see's is you in a costume or really s**y lingerie. Tease him a bit untill he's really excited them give it to him...try to make him forget about the p**n and get all his attention on you.

Hope this helped =]

Goodluck

Answer 4

You are not alone,

There are many women going through the same situation. There are many websites that perhaps will advice you better in what to do. I can only say that my ex's addiction to p**n was the cause of our break up.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

He CAME to you? that's ironic  

Answer 6

He needs to become part of a support group. My dad has that same problem and it takes a while to kick it. I wouldnt marry him until he si over it for sure. he really needs help though. Dont worry about your s*x life it will swing back when he gets better. Theres  no real way you can ever trust him about it becuase you wont really know if he looks at it unless he tells you. Good luck.

Answer 7

wow-- i never realized how BIG of a problem this is for so many women!!!

guys dont respond well to girls getting upset, they assume its irrational, especially with something so "silly" as p**n (guys like to belittle our concerns alot of times and not understand) and its difficult to make them understand our concerns, so i wouldnt even go there.

soooo....heres what i would do if i was in ur shoes:

-- make a "playboy" of YOU!!!! oooorrr, victoria secret catalog or whatever....but make it of you. what does he like? if he likes panties and things, make a victoria secret catalog....if he likes down and dirty raunchy stuff, make him a dirty magazine. if he likes video, suggest video taping!! seriously, putting this spin on you makes you look way sexier, especially if its a surprise and he's not expecting it. guys expect us to go all "psycho" and emotional on them, so this approach will be much more appreciated.  and when you do give him this little gift,  say a short, catty, witty remark like "forget playboy, honey, bc you're f***ing me." it's an empowering statement, will get his attention, and it'll make you look serious and dominating..which men love (they're weird) i wouldnt talk abt it much more than that. just make them realize that ur who they're having s*x with and that they wouldn't want to even think of anyone else bc u are the epitome of their every fantasy.

Answer 8

We all go through fazes in life. As a married man, I still have to go back home to my wife?

Answer 9

You could make p**n starring you maybe

If you'd be comfortable with that x_o

Answer 10

ok first off all i look at p**n

every once and a while but i

am not addicted i honestly think its

funny, but are you sure he likes it more

than he likes you??

but i think you should just

do something real hot/ p**n

for him if it envoles pics, a hot night etc

if this doesnt work

i cant say i can think of much else

besides blocking the sites lmao jk

but im sorry dont let it get

to you its not worth it,

Answer 11

Sounds like you need to find some kind of support for yourself. You can't help him unless you help yourself. As well you can't help him if he doesn't want to be helped.

Think about what kind of life you want to lead. Do you really want to be a 21yr. old insecure woman or do you want to recapture yourself. Only you can make that decision and it may hurt but you may have to leave him behind. Especially if he really doesn't want to change.

Answer 12

Seriously, if he recognizes it as a problem get rid of your computer.  Get it out of your house.  Tell him if he needs to watch an adult movie you two can make them together with each other.

Answer 13

My son was addicted to p**n. Seek professional advice.  You describe yourself as depressed , anxiety filled old hag at 21. I would loose him or you could comit the fatal error of marrying him and wasting your life on a addicted person. It is his problem, You would no want to be a 50 + old hag.