My boyfriend abused me?

Question

and then I left but now I dont trust people, I'm afraid of darkness, I'm afraid of weird noise at night and I look down when i talk to people. I feel like such a dumbass for not walking out sooner and for keeping the stupid lease. I lost all confidence. Where do I start?

Answer 1

babygirl..just realize that now you are on to bigger and better things in your life..try to close that chapter because it will only bring you down..think positive!

Answer 2

first of all, its really good that you left him. that takes a lot of courage so i'd say you're a very brave girl. seems like you've been through so much torture that ur temporarily afraid and don't trust people. just take baby steps. and try exercising trust exercises with a "trustworthy" friend or relative. ask him or her to stand behind you while you close your eyes and let urself fall backwards. ur friend should hold you keeping you from falling. do it 10 or 20 times in one go. also, sign up for a self defense class or karate class. talk to a therapist about the confidence issue. have a few sittings with a therapist who'd listen to you and guide you accordingly. same can be done if you have a friend or relative who'd listen to you. talk about it as much as possible with a therapist or a good friend or mom. self hypnosis is also a very good way of changing your subconscious mind. since fear is in the subconscious mind. you can follow this link to learn self hypnosis. believe me it really helps i tried it.

http://www.real-hypnosis.com/selfhypnosi...

you did a very brave thing by getting out of that horrible situation. soon you'll recover and get on with your life even stronger and wiser than before. remember! whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. good luck

Answer 3

start at home depot

Answer 4

Start with talking to a counselor about what happened and they will help you out in the best way. Nothing can be more painfull then a boyfriend who beats you day after day. Remember that you are the victim and that you have nothing to be ashamed of  

Answer 5

I am sorry but it was done, you were mistreated but you also have to get on with your life.

You can go the police and report him, which is what I would do if he forced himself on you.  I don't think I would let him off scott free.

Don't let this tear you down.  Hold your head up high.  Every boy is not like this one.  Learn to choose your  boy friends wiser.

Don't beat yourself up over something you cannot change.  Report him!  

Answer 6

1.  "I don't trust people."

2.  "I'm afraid of the darkness."

3.  "I'm afraid of weird noise at night."

4.  "I look down when I talk to people."

5.  "I feel like such a dumb ***..."

6.  "I lost all confidence."

7.  "Where, how, why, when, what?"

Who's voice is this?  Is this your true voice?  Or is it the echo of the abuser?  Are the words your original descriptions of yourself?  Or are they words you've been convinced as being accurate descriptors by the abuser?

My guess is that you've lost yourself during the abusive relationship.  That's a typical result of domestic violence.  It is now time to force the old, ugly, and untruthful voice and words out of your head, my friend.  And today is the day to begin.

Fear has taken hold of you due to the unpredictability and coerciveness that you've been dealing with for long enough to convince you that all of your environment is permanently like that.  One of the first things you might want to do is actually do one of the activities that brings you fear, and challenge yourself to perform the task or event as if you weren't afraid.  It is so often the case that when one ACTS with a certain behavior, the thought pattern develops that supports the behavior as being correct, and you begin to believe that what/how you are acting is how you FEEL.

You look down at people when you talk.  Challenge yourself to look into a person's eyes during conversation at least once per day for the next 7 days.  Or 3 days.  Then challenge yourself to looking at at least two persons in the eyes during conversation for the following 7 days.  This dispels the fear that something is going to happen if you look into someone's eyes while conversing.  The fact is, nothing is likely to happen and you need to prove that to yourself, and shake yourself loose from the brainwashing of your abuser.

Take on challenges like these within yourself.  Conquer the fears one by one.  An absolutely awesome experience can be found by attending a group meeting or session in which participants are domestic violence survivors who've found that they are not alone, that they are understood by others, that they have reasons to feel the way they do, and that they understand how it feels to progress through recovery from a DV relationship.  

These are all suggested in hopes that you will attempt at least one or two.  You are valuable.  You are priceless.  You are beautiful.  You are unique.  Learn to love yourself because that is what was taken away from you.  Learn to dispel fear.  Learn to challenge yourself and your conceived "truths"  by proving whether they are right or wrong.  Start with the 6 items above.  Create a true phrase that you can counter these statements with, that reveal who you really are as an individual underneath all that c**p layered on by the abuser.  You are worth it, my friend.  You have survived.  You are out of the relationship.  Now it is time to recover and rediscover life.  Because it truly is an adventure in which countless opportunities await you.  Best wishes!