My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged, is it appropriate to...?

Question

start looking at rings to see what kind I like? Or does the man usually pick out the ring?

Answer 1

My fiance is really traditional, so he knew what I liked because I had mentioned it, but he would never let me go into detail, and definitely not let me show him pictures.  He really took it as his job to design the ring and surprise me with it (the ring and when he was going to give it to me).

He designed my engagement ring and had it made by a jeweler who is a  friend of his fathers.  The ring was a total surprise (what it looked like) but it was PERFECT.  He knew me and my style (and that I'm crazy for anything pink) so he designed the perfect ring for me.

That being said, a lot of guys aren't that traditional and would rather have help to pick out something so they will be sure you will love it forever.  Maybe he doesn't want you to go shopping with him because then it will spoil the surprise factor of what and when, but showing him some pictures, or at least giving some general direction would be good.  

Do you prefer a solitaire? Do you hate three-stone settings, do you want a colourful gemstone instead of a diamond?  Are you traditional?  Do you want something antique looking?  Do you want a lot of tiny diamonds versus one big one?

Just those questions can tell a guy A LOT about what and what not to buy.

Good Luck and Congrats!

Answer 2

I dont know what is appropriate or inappropriate... but for me and my boyfriend, we are in the same boat. I personally dont want to know what the ring looks like at all before he gives it to me, but he was clueless once he started shopping around, so he pulled up jewelery websites to get an idea of my tastes... I gave him a whole lot of different options... that way he still gets to pick it out himself, and it will still be a suprise to me, but at the same time, I gave my imput as well. =)

Answer 3

Me and my husband looked at rings before we got engaged.  He was terrified of picking out something I wouldn't like so he wanted me to show him what kind of ring I wanted and all that.  

He still managed to surprise me with a fantastic proposal tho, 3 months after we had looked at rings.

I think it can be a good idea.  I absolutely love my ring.  I asked him to pick out his wedding band for the same reason.

Answer 4

I can give you two sides of the story from experience :o)    

     My Finace and I went out looking a few times over a year period, and he came across and band that he really liked, and that he thought would be different and something that I would like. He asked me what I thought and I told him that I really liked it and it wasn't what I was expecting at all, but I really did like it. All he knew was that I wanted a round stone, of a pretty good quality and size (1/2 ct.-1 ct.) and I prefered yellow gold. He did the rest and he did it well!!!

     On the other hand, my fiance's mom got engaged a month ago, and her fiance' wanted her to choose everything about the ring. They chose the ring and diamond together. ordered it together, bought it together, and picked it up together. The only surprise was when he was going to ask. She is very happy becasue it is exactly what she wanted, but, she is a widow and this is her second marrage, so she has already had all of that first engagement excitement and just didn't want that again. It kinda took the fun out of it in my opinion, but there was no room for a s***w up (getting a ring she didn't like). Also, the man dosn't know her that well (not enough to buy her something without her next to him), so he may not have been able to do as well on his own.

    If your fiance knows you, he will be able to chose something that you will love. If you have preferences, let him know what they are, just don't go and CHOOSE the ring. But you have to be reasonable and within his budget :o) Don't ask for something that you know he cant afford! It might delay the purchase. :o) I think not knowing exactly what the ring will look like is part of the moment and excitment of getting engaged! Good luck with everything!

Answer 5

In 2008 it is pretty stupid to think some one is going to buy you a piece of jewelry worth several thousand dollars and not get your input. And if you are out near a jewelry shop you should definitely say "I like that" or "I hate that"

Some jewelers are now putting the diamond into a temporary setting and then you come back to the store and choose the setting you want.  

Answer 6

I get my ring in surprise (so I have the taste of surprise). Then we go return it, ha..ha.. must be big store allow return within 30 days. Then I go to shop for my taste of design. :) Guy's taste always bad, if you plan to wear it life time, you better pick one design you will love to wear for life time. As a result, I have enjoyed the surprise and have the ring I love to wear for life time. :)

Be sure pick me as best answer, I need the 10 pt. :)  

Answer 7

I think it just depends on how traditional you are

My fiance wanted me to look at rings and tell him what I wanted so that I would be 110% happy with my ring :)

but if you dont want to go literally shopping with him for it, this is what I did...

just give him pictures and ideas from online sites (Usually major jewelry stores have most of their products online with pictures and all)  and give him a really good idea of what you would love..but let the final choice on it be up to him, you know? That way you have your input of what you want and he'll know where to start.

It worked out great for me!

Answer 8

In my opinion there is no point to letting a man pick out something that I am commited to wearing for the next 40 years of my life. Once he buys it from my experience ( if you don't like it) he will feel bad and out of guilt you will keep your mouth shut and just unhappily wear the ugly thing for the rest of your life like my friend is doing now. Keep a few options in mind.

1. Most men ( no matter how well they know you) have absolutely no clue how to pick out a piece of jewelry that you are going to think is absolutely perfect. I told my fiance the exact style of the ring I wanted and then let him choose how many carats. It came in a 1/2 carat a 1 carat a 1.5 and a 2 carat. I told him I would be fine with whatever size as long as it was the exact style I wanted. I am very happy with my ring and although not completely surprised when he proposed I was very very happy and excited. I have also gotten complements from everyone I know on my ring and they all say they wish they would have picked their own instead of what they got stuck with.

2. Just because you have a say in what it looks like does not mean you won't be surprised when he proposes. This whole fairy tale proposal c**p is new) Ask anyone who has been marriend 20 years how they were proposed to and it was either at home, at their parents house, in a car, or in a restaurant. The point of engagement is to profess your love for eachother whether it is a surprise or not. It shouldn't  matter how or where he proposes as long as you are right fore each other.

3. Elaborate proposals and fancy jewelry stores and sales people make men nervous. They don't need any more pressure on them then they already have from their family, society, friends and or their significant other to propose. They have enough trouble just trying to figure out how to get the words out and having to deal with pushy sales people, lots of ring choices, will she like it, fancy proposal, surprises and such just loads on the pressure.

4. Complete surprise proposals where the woman had no clue it was coming are usual spur of the moment relationships where people don't know each other very well and or haven't been dating that long. Most people who date over 2 years and are out of college and have jobs talk about stuff like marriage they probably have an idea that it's coming.

I think you should do what's best for you, but you sound like you are excited to go look and you want to have a say so i say go for it. I am very happy that I went out and found the ring I wanted.  

Answer 9

It is perfectly fine.  You can either pick out the one you want and he can buy it and plan some special way of giving it to you. OR you can show him the STYLE you like, to give him an idea of it and he can pick one out. OR you can give him a few rings to chose from.

Any of these choices are very common these days.

Answer 10

nowadays brides usually go look at rings with their boyfriend to show him what type they like

Answer 11

Looking at rings together is fun and exciting.  Let him know what styles you like, and then leave it up to him to choose.

I went with my fiance, and we looked at a lot of rings, finally finding a few I liked.  When he went to buy my ring, he looked again, by himself, and chose the one we liked in the beginning because HE decided it was the best one.  This was a good tactic, because it meant he likes the ring as well as I do.

Answer 12

Some people pick out the ring together after the guy proposes to be sure that the girl likes it. Other guys want to surprise her with a ring, but that can be risky. It really depends on what he wants to do. Talk to him about it.

Its OK to browse, just be careful not to get your heart set on something really expensive. Focus on the general style, like the shape of th diamond and the metal. Definitely let him know if you have a strong preference for white or yellow gold, that is something good to know anyways since people have definite preferences and he may buy other jewlery.

Answer 13

Most couples discuss what they feel is best. For instance when my fiancé and I were dating and started discussing the long term we discussed what sort of ring I liked and if I wanted to go with him or pick it out ahead of time. I personally (along with my fiancé) fall into a more traditional way of doing things and didn't want to know what the ring looked like before he proposed. It was great to have it completely as a surprise. And the ring means so much more to me because I know it came completely from his heart. He picked out a lovely solitaire round brilliant yellow gold and he swears that the moment he laid eyes on it he knew that it was the one for me. I think that it means more to him to know that he picked out something I'll wear for the rest of my life and symbolizes such an important step in our relationship.. and that I love.

The two of you should talk about what you would like to do the next time that the conversation comes up.

Good Luck and  an early congratulations

Answer 14

Heck yea!  You better start looking on your own and cut out pics of stuff that you like.  If not, you will end up with a style that you hate and have to wear it for a lifetime!!!  You could go to the mall with your boyfriend and then say, of, since we are here, let's go and look at some rings at the jewelry store for fun to see what they have.  

My friend followed my advice and was so thankful because she ended up with a ring that she likes.  I did the same and I love my ring!

I liked a ring by an expensive designer so my smart husband had another jewelery store recreate it for alot less!  

Answer 15

I think it's definitely appropriate to look at rings together, but not to purchase one at that time. That way he knows what you like, but it's ultimately up to him what ring he wants to purchase.

Basically, it's fine to go look together and tell him what you like, but he should be the one to have final choice. :)

Answer 16

I think its fine that you go look at rings together, it depends on how traditional you are. From what I've read, normally what you do is go pick the ring out together and the guyu picks out the 'diamond'... whatever you do, and he should know if u want it to be a suprise, or if he's that type of person etc...

Answer 17

Definitely go together.  Show him which ones you really like and then let him choose one of those so there will be some surprise to it.  Don't leave it completely up to him or he might choose something you hate and then you risk hurting his feelings, or be stuck for life with a ring you don't like.

Answer 18

Start looking. I spent lots of time making sure my fiance knew what rings I did and more so didn't like. I also spent time educating him on diamonds etc so that he didn't get ripped off by some jeweller selling an over priced ring.

Answer 19

the man picks out the engagement ring. then the both of you pick out matching wedding rings. i don't like it when the girl picks out the engagement ring, cause thats not your job! you should like whatever he picks out for you. my wife and i talked about getting engaged before we did it, but i sprung it on her in florida on the beach during sunrise. and she never knew i had bought a ring. thank you and congradulations!