My boyfriend and I have been a little upset with each other because I want to adopt and he dont. Any Advice?

Question

We have a great relationship, he's 24 and I'm 22. He already have a three year old daughter from a previous relationship who I love like my own. I have no kids, but I have been thinking about adopting a little girl, maybe between the ages 2-5 but he's not agreeing. I'm able to have kids of my own but its just that I'm not ready to yet and thats what he really wants but he just don't want to admit it because he thinks I'm going to complain. Almost everyday I bring the topic up he hurries and move on to another, ignoring everything I say. I even told him that if he thinks I'm making the wrong decision, we can seperate because I really want to adopt. I'm just the CARING type of female who wants to be there for a child who needs a mother, this means a lot to me. So what do you guys think about this situation, let me know?

Answer 1

If you are hoping that things will work in the long term with this guy, you need to be on the same page with this.  This is a huge decision - not just where do you want to go for lunch today.  Talk to him.  Listen to what he has to say.  Tell him how you are feeling and make your decision from there

Answer 2

My husband and I went through this before we got married!! (I was 19 and he was 21, now I am 22 and he is 24)... I have every desire to adopt and never wanted my own children, I wanted to adopt from third world countries, and he ONLY wanted to have our own kids. After a lot of arguing, we finally came to decide that we will love any child that is ours, and we will start with one of our own and after that, we will look into adopting for child #2, then when ready for a third go back to having our own etc, we both want around 6 kids so we are planning to go back and forth until we feel like we're done (thats the plan, I know things may change but so far going good). I am now 7 weeks pregnant with our first, and we have both, together picked out an adoption agency while being excited about this baby. International adoption takes about 9-12 months (on average) so we are planning to start the process when our baby is around 7 or 8 months old. This is something that we found to work for us, we both made comprimises, and if we would not have been able to find that happy ground we wouldn't have gotten married.

Hope this helps some for you,,

Good luck!

Toni Lynne   :)

Answer 3

It really doesn't matter what he thinks because you aren't married. If you're not ready to have a baby, how do you figure you're ready to adopt? It's the same thing without the pregnancy.  Most importantly it costs a lot of money so maybe that's what your boyfriend is worried about.

Answer 4

If he's not on board with this then it's best to not bring it up for now. He's not willing for whatever reason. That's his choice. Can't force him into something that he doesn't want.

Not only that, states won't allow an adoption to couples who are dating only. You either adopt the child yourself or you get married.

Answer 5

personally, i understand why you want to help a child in need, but i don't understand why you want to adopt if you aren't ready for kids. that makes no sense at all. i think you should wait until you are ready and have a baby of your own, it will need you to. as far as leaving your boyfriend because he would rather have your own baby instead of adopting someone else's, i think that's just stupid and selfish on your part. you need to consider his feelings, it's not all about you.

Answer 6

i'm not sure what you mean, and what the real problem is.  You just said that ur not ready to have ur own child, adopting a child is just the same, you are their mother and have to be responsible for them.  it sounds to me like you both need to discuss what you want in life, and also u should think about why you want a child, and how it will affect you. good luck!

Answer 7

First of all, there is an age limit in different states. A lot of states you can't even adopt until you are 25 years old. Some require you to be married.

This is a LARGE issue. You BOTH have to want to have a child. Otherwise that child is going to realize that Daddy doesnt respond to him very well.

You have to go with what you really believe. If you feel strongly you need/want to adopt, you have to find a partner that feels the same way you do.

Answer 8

1) It is the duty of any person that has the space and ability, to adopt a child that has no home (this is a God instruction by way of being told to care for the orphans.)

2) It sounds that you and your boyfriend might not have your foundational morals strait. If you are willing to adopt, then adopt. You boyfriend has a child already, and that child is NOT yours. You should not have to give birth (and should not) to a child that is a man's who you are not yet in a firm (as in marriage) relationship. If HE wants a child with you, he can ask and actually marry you.

3) Don't be so quick to think that a man that can have a child out of wedlock with another woman is gonna be around if you give in, and let him get you pregnant. It might just be that he sees getting women pregnant as a good marker and then split process.

sorry to put it that way, but if you want to adopt, then do so. He does not become the daddy until you marry him just as you are not a mommy to his daughter until you marry him. It is sad that that is the way you are doing things, cause it is not good.

Answer 9

Where exactly do you think you will find anyone who will let you adopt a baby being single?  If you are really a CARING type female, then why would you want to give a child a single-parent home when there are so many couples out there wanting to adopt?

Answer 10

I think that you need to ask yourself firstly if you are ready for children.  you stated above that you can have children of your own, just are not ready.  what makes you ready to adopt one???  everything that goes into caring for a biological one goes into caring for an adopted one.  you are young.  relax, if and when the time is right, the two of you will agree.  having children should not be something that breaks up two people who love each other.  maybe he feels that one is enough for his age.

chill out.

Answer 11

he's not your husband, so do what you wanna do - but don't be mad if he doesn't stick around

Answer 12

i think if you are willing to raise another little girl on your own do it. but if you want to to giver a two parent HOME, don't ruin it by forcing a child on your boyfriend.... that is not the answer. you will end up bringing not only the new baby, but also your own daughter in a conflicted marriage. not a good image, specially for little girls....

Answer 13

Good that it means a lot to you have you told this to your boyfriend? Just because you all adopt doesn’t mean one day you all can’t have a natural child. As it is you’re not married there are some places that wouldn’t let a non married couple adopt together.   If he still doesn’t want to adopt once you talked to him, you may just have to find a new man. It be no different then a person finding out their significant other never wants children, if having children is important to you, you’d just have to find a  guy  who is more on your terms.    I would like to have a mix of natural and adopted children so I wouldn’t get with a man who a. didn’t want kids at all or b. was not ok with adopting.

Answer 14

i think adoption is a great thing but it is something that you should both want to do, it wouldnt be fair to adopt with out him wanting it and as with any child it can and is done by single parents but it is good to have the support of the other partner.

what is the rush btw why not wait a few years to make sure that you 2 can make a go of it and see if he has changed his mind later on