My boyfriend and drinking! I need help.?

Question

Well when i first meet my boyfriend he was on alcohol bracelets so he couldn't drink. And that is something i loved about him. I don't like guys that drink well anyway after he got off them he started to drink alot not everyday just when he would drink he would drink until the alcohol is gone that is what he always does and if there ain't enough for him to get wasted he will leave and get more and stay gone all night he gets crazy and out of control. He ran threw my fences twice and something bad always happens and he pees places in my house when he drinks. Anyway after well at the least 3 or 4 month of begging him to stop he eventually stopped and hasn't done it since but now all of a sudden he wants to drink again he begs me every night he says that he wont drink alot ( i don't believe him ) i don't know if i should give in and let him drink or if i should keep trying to make him stop. He just got a good job paying $17.50 and he is going to school. I dont want him to mess it up cuz no one thought he would make something of him self but i believe he can. I just think alcohol will mess it up! His 21st b-day is cumming up and he said he ain't going to spend it with me cuz he wants to drink. What do i do? And if you do think i should let him drink how much should i tell him his limit is he drinks beer (not sure what kind) i know some are stronger than others.

Answer 1

It's hard to say for for sure what you should do with out knowing him, so I will draw from my own experience. I have let alcohol ruin just about everything that was good in my life at one time or another. Friends, women, job opportunities, I've wrecked them all. And I'm typing this with a beer beside me keyboard, so you can tell how all my promises of stopping have went so far.

If you love him, I can understand wanting to help him. But you will most likely be fighting an uphill battle. But if you want my advice, move on fast while you can. There are always more fish in the sea.

Answer 2

Don't give him limits, ultimatums, or even one more chance.   You are in for a life of heartache and trouble, a lot of tears, and a lot of fighting if you stay with this loser.  

I know it seems hard to believe, but time heals wounds and in a very short time you will find that you are better off without him.  Don't ruin your life by trying to save his.  He doesn't sound like he cares.  

BTW, a good job and staying in school are not a sign that someone has "made something of himself."   He's a loser.  Drop him.  

Answer 3

"well anyway after he got off them he started to drink alot "

He has a drinking problem; you do not.

He is not honest with you due to his drinking problem; you are accepting that.

He is having his 21st b'day and will not spend it with you.

DO THE MATH - I don't care if you are a mess and have 256 issues.  Move on, move along, move away, just don't tie yourself to someone who has problems - and here is the key - that won't work on the problems.

Don't you dare think I'm telling you to ditch him because he has a drinking problem regardless of love.  I'm telling you, from experience, at YOUR AGE and his AGE and his unwillingness to address the problem - MOVE along...  Please calmly and with confidence, move along.  

You deserve someone who cares about you and is thinking long term.  

Answer 4

He is torn between two worlds.  Your world of self-respect and his inner-torture of self-destruction under the stress of his life.

You like guys who don't drink and he was in alcohol bracelets?  

Okay, well, enough said about that.  It sounds like you and he have deep feelings for each other.  You represent a lot of good, stable things in his life: sobriety, self-control, love, and belief in him.

I know it's hard, but if you really love each other then you're in for a wild ride.  I would stand by him and not give ultimatums.  He's under a lot of stress.  Working a job, going to school, turning 21.  Guys turn to drink when stressed or just to blow off steam, because they think no one understands them especially not women.

Try not to nag him.  Guys think girls just making small talk with them when they're trying to concentrate on getting a compound miter saw to cut a 30mm pipe flat is nagging unless that small talk is helping make the job happen.

When he starts to drink, ask him neutral statements like, that drink looks like it's nice and cold.   Does it taste that way?  He'll calm now that he doesn't think you're about to attack his drinking.  

Then ask, how are you feeling?  How's work? your school? turning 21?  I know it's a lot of responsibility turning 21.  I'd be scared.  (He'll probably talk about how everyone is expecting all these things from him now, even you.  Even himself.)

If he seems pissed off ask, why are you feeling angry, is there anything I can do to help?

Good luck.  If you stick with him, I hope he marries you:D.

PS:  3 years ago I got my salary frozen at a 40% paycut with no cost of living increases.  Since then I have been drinking heavy because of the stress, but never got alcohol bracelets.  These are ways my wife copes with me and she represents to me what you seem to represent to your bf.

Answer 5

I'd give him this one option.

If you want to drink and get drunk get out....and never come back.

It'll save you a bunch of energy cleaning up his pee in the house(that is disgusting btw) and a lot of stress wondering where he is and what he's doing. it'll also save you from abuse.

Honesty is this the kind of relationship you want for yourself and your future kids if you don't have any? Do you really want to live with an alchohol abuser? What happened to the "I don't like guys who drink"? Did that leave your mind or something?

You may say you love him but ask your self if you honestly love him. Be honest to yourself.

Its your choice though. Just think about your future. I know you want to think about his but his actions make up his future and your actions make up yours. Remember you can't make him change. He has to want to change for himself. Not you.

Edit: Good advice "2008"!!

Answer 6

This just sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen.  Let him have his 21st and make sure there is a designated driver.  If there is no compromise, I think you guys should break up.  Good luck.

Answer 7

He's going to do what he wants to do regardless of what you tell him. If he says that he's not going to be with you on his birthday because he wants to drink then he cares more about alcohol than he does you.  He has an addiction. That is how it is with addicts. By you trying to tell him, or even thinking about telling him to go ahead and drink but just limit his drinking is enabling him. Maybe you should join a support group like AL-ANON. It is for spouses and families of addicts.  Not just alcoholics, but other drugs.  Or you could just start looking for another boyfriend. You are too young to be going through this type of situation. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

This sounds like something I went through for a few years.  It honestly is not something you want to deal with for the rest of your life.  I know that no matter what other people tell you, you think that you are in love, and that love can ultimately conquer all.  I mean he says he loves me and that he will quit for me right?, that's what I always told myself.  Ha.  I was wrong.  I dealt with a boyfriend peeing the bed everynight after he drank, so I know what you go through with cleaning up.  Honestly people will tell you to save yourself and get away, but it comes down to you, having enough, or something happening to make you HAVE to get away.  I will tell you to break up with him and move on, but I know where you are at.  He is at the stage where he feels that he is young and can drink as much as he wants right now.  He always has time to be a grown up.  That's what my guy always said.  If you choose to stay with him for a while, just watch yourself and don't let him bring you down in the process.  Be there to love him until you have had enough, that is my advice.  I didn't listen to anyone.  A day will come when you realize what you need to do for yourself, and nobody else.  Good luck and I know you will make the right decisions...probably not tomorrow, but eventually.